Calling on mommas with 2 kids under 2...

[Ami in Deutschland]

Thanks to OP for this question! I'm due in Jan., when DS will be 20 mo. and am also wondering how I will manage. I asked DH to take paternity leave and he is going to be home with us for two months. =) To all the old pros- how did you deal with diapers/potty learning? DS is starting to show interest in the potty again (we part-time EC'd when he wasn't yet walking).

[5babyz4me]

I have 5 children now and all but two sets are younger 2 years apart. My last baby is due any minute now and her older brother will be 20 mos apart. So I have walked this road.

With my first two I had some serious depression after my ds was born (it stemmed from a previous car accident I had when I was pg with him so no worries here.) The one thing I remember doing with my oldest dd was simply having her close to me. I had never heard of babywearing at the time so I relied heavily on my bouncey chair for my baby. My ds and that chair went everywhere I went in the house. If my dd and I were playing in the playroom, there was the bouncey chair. She would "share" her toys and I would make sure he stayed safe. When I fed my ds (I also didn't nurse him) she would sit next to me and we would watch TV, video, or simply read. As long as my baby was happy, I would do everything I could to meet my oldest needs first. I would include her in any clean up I did do (for instance, I gave her a dry dust cloth and she would dust with me.) I switched all my cleaning supplies to natural and safer cleaners so she could be around them to help me.

I think it's also very important during this time to make you and dh are on the same page. He needs to be aware as he walks in the door that you will need a break. I know that many women will throw the baby at their dh just as he walks in the door. But I learn something very interesting during this time. . .if I let my dh come in and gather himself after a long day (meaning alone in our bedroom for at 15 minutes) he was much more willing to take the kids from me after that. He needed time to unwind after a stressful day. (Just a thought for you.)

Having a basket of books and toys near where you nurse is essential. When my 3rd was born she was my first to nurse. My two older ones were not old enough to help much so I just read to them during this time. We would visit the library and bring home TONS of books. They loved this time read and they love to rub her little head while she nursed.

Definitely don't feel like you have to have the cleanest house in the world. Others are so right when they say this will be hard but you can make it harder by putting expectations on yourself to be Martha Stewart. If you do prefer a clean home then there are ways to get that clean home without overdoing it. (Although I am not a big fan of FlyLady she does have some good ideas in this area that work great for young mothers.

And if you have the ability and energy now, get some meals made and placed in the freezer. Make enough for those first few weeks at home AND enough for you to have meals ready for "one of those days." Make lunches for you and oldest very easy. I turned to alot of chicken nuggets and tator tots at this point. It's easy to turn on the oven and plop a pan in for lunch. It would take me 5 minutes to get the plates ready and then we'd all eat.

Just a few other thoughts:

- It truly takes about 12 weeks to fully adjust to a newborn and have the whole family fall into a good family routine and unity. That is true whether you have your 1st or 6th.

- Make sure you do get out of the house even if just for a daily walk. Go during the warmest part of the day if you can so you aren't having to do too much bundling up. But take the time to bundle anyway if needed. You and both babies need the Vit D that comes from sun (it's better than the Vit D that they fortify milk with. . it's all natural.

- Relax!!!! That is most important. Both babies will sense your stress if you are stressed. Take everyday ONE DAY AT A TIME. Have no expectations of your day ahead. If you know you have an appointment the next day, pack bags early and set out clothing. Plan to leave your house 30 minutes ahead of when you HAVE to leave.

- Get up daily and get dressed. I think staying in PJs all day (except during after birth recovery) makes it very hard to want to get up and do anything with our little ones. I learned that during my depression. The more I stayed in my PJ nd worse I felt. If you need to shower, put baby in a bouncey chair and take the older one into the shower with you. My dd would bring toys in with me and play while I showered. Then I would bath her and that took care of one bath. Now I shower while dh is around.

That is all I can add to this. The others have given you great advice and they are definitely in the trenched with you. Enjoy this time and enjoy your babies. My two babies aren't babies anymore. My 3rd baby just turn 6 yod on Friday and I am seeing my 3 yod come alive as well. I told my mom yesterday when she said my 21 mod wouldn't be the baby anymore that he is the BABY BOY. His sister will be the baby girl. I am not ready for him to grow up yet.

God bless you, mama.

[clechatelier]

Thank you SO MUCH mommas! This has been excellent advice- most of which hadn't ever occured to me before!! I am feeling very encouraged right now. Thank you!

[MacMama]

Originally Posted by jessamonk Mine are 17 months apart. I still think that the transition from zero to one was more difficult than from one to two. If you made it this far, you'll be fine! I agree with a PP that the best thing ever is watching the love between siblings. Mine are enamored with each other! One might fear that the new baby takes away love from the other, but truly, the converse happens and it's love multiplying.

I agree-- 0 to 1 was the hardest. I didn't find the newborn and toddler part very difficult at all (mine were 21 months apart). The hardest part for me was when baby #2 started walking and getting into things-- that's what kept me really busy.
Freezing/crockpot meals is a great idea. So is wearing baby#2. Good luck mama, you'll do great!

[mmmom]

Mine are 20 month apart and it was a rough begining but so worth it they love each other to bits now.

I agree with everything posted, especially the meals it is so important.

One thing I did was make the baby wait on occasion, not in the first few weeks but as he was older like about 6 weeks. I felt so guilty always telling dd, you need to wait I am doing ...... with the baby, so i started telling the baby he had to wait. If he was napping and dd and i were playing if he woke up crying I would tell him " baby you need to wait one minute while I finish with sister" She thought it was so great and after about 30-60 seconds of him crying she would say it was his turn now. It made her and I both feel better, she didn't feel like she was the only one who had to wait and I didn't feel like I was dropping her to get the baby all the time.