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Old 12-06-2008, 11:57 AM   #1
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I give up - he just doesn't seem to care

Has anyone gone back to diapering fulltime after ECing??

DS is almost 15mo and just.doesn't.care if he's wet or poopy. He has absolutely NO interest in telling me when or if he goes anymore, and totally refuses almost all potty opportunities. He's been EC'd almost fulltime since birth.

Normally we do nakey at home, but our heater is broken right now so it's way too cold to be bare-bummed, and frankly I'm tired of cleaning up a bazillion misses every day, including poops everywhere.

I'd like to say this is just a strike and he'll come out of it, but really he's never been that interested in the potty, but at least he used to sit and not fight me tooth and nail if I offered.

So he's in dipes right now because they're at least absorbent enough to hold a pee (or 2. ) He won't let me change him - and I mean kicking screaming gator-rolling if I try - so he's been in a wet dipe for over an hour. He just doesn't care. He'd rather play.

DS1 never did this. Poops always went in the potty. We had a few small pauses, but nothing like this. He was like a textbook EC kid. I thought I was da bomb. Now I feel like a failure.

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Last edited by tsfairy; 12-06-2008 at 11:58 AM.
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Old 12-06-2008, 04:15 PM   #2
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Re: I give up - he just doesn't seem to care

Hi Heidi - Hang in there! It sounds like you're having a bit of a tough time, but you're doing what you need to do to stay sane! I'm not sure what to say, but it can still be EC'ing when you use dipes (we almost always use diapers as backup), and even when the communcation seems awfully one-sided. So don't beat yourself up for it; your son has other priorities at the moment, and one day the poops will go in the potty.

hug,
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Old 12-06-2008, 05:30 PM   #3
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Re: I give up - he just doesn't seem to care

Thanks for the pep talk.

We had one catch today. I offered at Target while I was changing a wet dipe and he peed in the potty. He pooped a little while ago (his 3rd HUGE poop today!) and when I asked if he pooped, he pointed to where he was standing when he went. I said no, it's in your diaper, and he went over to where he had been standing (next to his train table) and bent over to look at the floor to find the poop. LOL

Can you tell he's used to being nakey??
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Old 12-07-2008, 07:44 PM   #4
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Re: I give up - he just doesn't seem to care

i don't have a whole lot of ec experience, but it sounds like - maybe not a strike, but a phase? but even if not, it's good you are still making him aware of his pees and poos. i say just keep cueing him and he will hopefully, eventually, reclaim the potty! oh, and i would totally keep him in dipes for the time being... good call. you have to keep your sanity!! good luck!
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Old 12-09-2008, 01:59 AM   #5
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Re: I give up - he just doesn't seem to care

I don't know from experience, but I just finished reading Diaper Free Baby... and there was a story in there about a boy about your ds's age who decided to never use the toilet again! so the parents quit offering, or would offer only once a day, very minimal. Just went back to diapers. Within a few weeks, maybe a month or 3 , (my memory is failing me!) the boy decided to take himself to the potty and was pretty much graduated from that point on.

anyway, the point was (even tho I butchered the story!) Do whatever you think seems like a good idea! Maybe he needs a break? Maybe he wants it to be his idea? Maybe he would be more interested in a different toilet seat insert? or to use a cup? or the sink/bathtub? or to move the BBLP to a different room? Maybe he just wants diapers for awhile? Be flexible, try (hard as it is!) not to keep track of misses and catches and stay UN-goal oriented. Going back to diapers is fine! He won't stay in them forever. especially because you've already done so much with him in the way of EC. He knows there's another option out there, it might just take a bit to decide to use it!

You're doing great! and you HAVEN'T failed. There's no such thing in EC'ing! :wink:

oh! - another idea the book had - especially when going thru a rough patch, try to keep an open-bathroom-door policy. That way, even if he's in diapers and you've decided to not offer HIM pottytunities, he can see YOU using the toilet. and anyone else who's comfortable with it! ... Maybe an uncle (as an example) taking him to pee together would be inspiring? OH! other babies, they said, was inspiring, too. If you know anyone else who EC's see if you can get together for awhile and offer a pottytunity together with another baby around his age. Good Luck!
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Old 12-09-2008, 02:12 AM   #6
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Re: I give up - he just doesn't seem to care

I'm really appreciating all the words of support.

DS has developed a wicked rash after just a few days in dipes, so we're back in trainers (with a folded velour wipe as a doubler for some extra absorbency just to prevent puddles) so I can respond a little more quickly when he pees or poos in his pants. He also stayed nakey for a little while this afternoon for the first time in several days!

(BTW - what do I do for a rash? This is my first time dealing with one!)

I've been offering much less frequently, but I still mention the potty a lot. Maybe I should just back off even more for a while.

Our bathroom door has always been open. DH and I joke (ok complain) about the kids always being "all up in our bizness" when we're trying to use the bathroom. Both boys are fascinated by DH standing up to pee and DS1 just started doing the same, using a little stool. I wish I knew someone else who EC's. OH! My sis is about to start PT her twin girls, who are just 6mo older than DS. Maybe we can get together and have a "potty party" lol!

I need to read DFB again. I read it when I was pg with DS2, but I could definitely use the refresher.

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Old 12-10-2008, 10:21 PM   #7
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Re: I give up - he just doesn't seem to care

Hey, mama, everything is totally FINE and normal (and, from an outsider, kinda cute, too). Don't stop offering but back off when he's not interested and try to fake a NO BIG DEAL attitude. Isn't if funny how EC works better sometimes when you are out & about... maybe take lots of trips out right now!! LOL.

This, too, shall pass.

fyi, what is GD and UC???!!!! Dang, did I miss something?

CArrie
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3yrs DS EC'd from 8mo.
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Old 12-10-2008, 10:24 PM   #8
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Re: I give up - he just doesn't seem to care

Ditto on the all "up in our business" thing, too. LOL. Mommy taught babe #1 what "privacy" means a long time ago so I can usually get him to close the door for a few seconds. and... What do you mean you wish you knew someone else who EC's?? What are we, spam? Seriously, you have tons of EC friends here and feel free to email me personally anytime.
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Old 12-11-2008, 12:03 AM   #9
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Re: I give up - he just doesn't seem to care

Aw no offense! I just mean IRL so DS can see another baby using the potty - I have lots of friends who CD, but only one who EC's and her LO is 2 so not a "baby" in DS's eyes. All of the babies we know use diapers - so it's no wonder DS thinks that's the norm.

GD = gentle discipline
UC = unassisted childbirth (DS2 was born at home with no professional attendants)

We haven't had another catch since the pee at Target. Oh wait, we did catch a tiny poop the other day (maybe Sunday?) but nothing else. Much like I've always done, I've been just casually announcing when I'm heading to the bathroom and asking if the kids want to go too. DS will usually flat out say no or just ignore me. So I just say ok and head off to the loo by myself.

I did offer at Walmart last night and at the grocery store the other day but was told in no uncertain terms (ie arching back, straightening legs and screeching when I held him over the potty) that he did NOT want to go.

I made some new trainers tonight with my new-to-me working borrowed sewing machine. Also some fleece pants. So oh well, DS may not stay dry, but I will.
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Old 12-11-2008, 01:42 AM   #10
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Re: I give up - he just doesn't seem to care

Quote:
Originally Posted by tsfairy View Post
(BTW - what do I do for a rash? This is my first time dealing with one!)

I've been offering much less frequently, but I still mention the potty a lot. Maybe I should just back off even more for a while.

Our bathroom door has always been open. DH and I joke (ok complain) about the kids always being "all up in our bizness" when we're trying to use the bathroom. Both boys are fascinated by DH standing up to pee and DS1 just started doing the same, using a little stool. I wish I knew someone else who EC's. OH! My sis is about to start PT her twin girls, who are just 6mo older than DS. Maybe we can get together and have a "potty party" lol!
LOL!!! hey - who knows? maybe it would help?!

I wouldn't know about the rash, except that they say going without a diaper helps get the area dry! which may or may not be right up your alley at this point. GL! (and hopefully someone with more knowledge will reply...)

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Originally Posted by atomicfrock View Post
and... What do you mean you wish you knew someone else who EC's?? What are we, spam? Seriously, you have tons of EC friends here and feel free to email me personally anytime.
Carrie
LOL! Ditto to that! but yeah, I wish I knew someone in real life too...

Quote:
Originally Posted by tsfairy View Post
GD = gentle discipline
UC = unassisted childbirth (DS2 was born at home with no professional attendants)
ooooooh, thanks for the definitions! I was curious too. (and, wow, you're brave! I did a home birth, but UC seems like a whole dif game to me!)

Quote:
Originally Posted by tsfairy View Post
I made some new trainers tonight with my new-to-me working borrowed sewing machine. Also some fleece pants. So oh well, DS may not stay dry, but I will.
LOL! well at least you have a plan!! Let us know how things progress!
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