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Old 12-10-2008, 08:50 AM   #1
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Almost 3 DS potty troubles

Okay, I have an almost 3yr old DS who refuses to potty. I went out and bought a couple of pair of trainers and he did great the first day. The next day was worse. The next day was worse than before. By day 4, my DH said to just put him back in diapers. I am pregnant and due in March. He turns 3 at the end of January. While I would love to have him out of diapers by then, I don't know how to do it. He literally starts sobbing whenever I put him on the potty. When I ask him where we pee or poo, he tells me in his pants, on his bed, on his pillow. He thinks those answers are funny, and refuses to go potty. I have tried making him go and not giving him the option and while he does pee, he won't poo, and he doesn't get any happier about going. I have him in disposables (he outgrew his bum genius) and was wondering if I should buy prefolds and covers and just wait awhile. I spend about 50 a month on diapers, almost 3x that for pull-ups. My DH never liked using cloth at night, so I would still have to buy a package a month for that, but would it be better for him to feel the wetness of the cloth? This is so frustrating!
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Old 12-10-2008, 08:54 AM   #2
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Re: Almost 3 DS potty troubles

Sounds like he just isn't fully ready to use the potty. I would say going with prefolds and covers would be a good option. They are very affordable and easy to care for. That is what we did for the boys until they started using the potty. We had the boys in prefolds at night too.
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Old 12-10-2008, 10:31 AM   #3
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Re: Almost 3 DS potty troubles

Thanks! I really don't want to punish him for not going or fight him over this. Developmentally, he can go and he will tell me when he poos in his pants. He won't tell me if he pees, though. He just doesn't want to. I am not sure how this pregnancy is affecting him, either. With my DD4, she has become very whiney/clingy and asks me all the time if things are going to change when the new baby comes or if I will still be the same mommy. I guess I am going to just buy some covers and prefolds and not stress about it.
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Old 12-10-2008, 11:46 PM   #4
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Re: Almost 3 DS potty troubles

I am not an expert by any means, but I am just researching potty learning because DD is approaching that age. I'm reading Keys to Toilet Training (Zweiback) and No Cry Potty Solution (Pantley). One interesting point both authors make is that you should never ASK your child if he needs to go to the potty. You should always just say it as, "Let's go to the potty." and do it during regular times of the day: after waking up, after meals, before bed time. Basically, every two hours. The reason is that at age 3, toddlers thrive on schedules and routines, but can also have a tendency towards negativity/rebellion, which is why you don't want to ever ask them if they have to go or want to go. In fact, one of the books even suggests that you just set a timer to every 2 hours, so that it's the timer, and not you, that serves as a reminder that it's potty time.

According to the authors, some kids just don't care if they are wet, so I couldn't tell you if PFs will make him potty learn faster. It varies from kid to kid, apparently. But at least you'd be saving money over pull-ups!

Also, since your kiddo is not motivated to be potty trained, have you tried reading books/watching videos about potty training? And have you considered a sticker chart or reward system for sitting on the potty?
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Old 12-11-2008, 06:38 AM   #5
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Re: Almost 3 DS potty troubles

I definitely agree with the not asking part. LOL. If I ask him if he has to go, he will tell me no, so I normally just say that we are going. I even go first and if his siblings are around, I let them have their turn and then it is his turn. I thought that rewards would make it easier, too. He doesn't care for stickers or M&Ms. When trying to do the M&Ms, he wants the whole bag and throws a fit. The only book I have really read on potty learning is Potty Wise. It didn't really help me. Trying to establish the concept of being wet or dry in disposables is harder to do. I can rub the front of the diaper between my thumb and index finger and if it is squishy, it is wet. I think I will pick up a DVD on potty training and try to find that no cry potty book. Thanks for suggesting that. I did see that my favorite red furry guy has a potty DVD out (ELMO). I have another DVD that my DS8 watched called "I Gotta Go" It had catchy songs about going to the potty. He hasn't seemed interested in that one. My husband is a network engineer, so our house is very computer friendly. All of the children have their own PCs and the non-potty boy in question likes to spend a lot of time playing various educational games. If they made a potty chair the right height for his computer chair, I would be set! LOL. If the child can use a mouse and play WebKinz, he should be able to pee in the potty. I think I will start using a timer, too. Maybe when the timer goes off, his webkinz can go potty, too.
Thanks for the suggestions. I think I will be running by the book store and wal-mart today!
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Old 12-11-2008, 07:16 AM   #6
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Re: Almost 3 DS potty troubles

From my experience ... Please DO NOT RUSH him. It most likely will lead to future accidents / bed wetting issues later. To me it sounds like he's right on track. (Most) boys start showing interest in training between 3 and 4. Did you know that boys are much harder to train than girls?

We'd have problems with our kids in daycare (where I worked), and during my learning in school we realized that you must allow a child to move at his own pace.

If he's crying about going, he's obviously frightened, try asking him what scares him about going potty. Maybe the toilet is scary or flushing worries him. BUT please DO not make him go if he's crying!

I felt the pressure with DD1 from friends and at 2 I pushed her into training. At 2.5 She was potty trained but not night trained. She's 5 now and just this year we accomplished night training. She still has accidents and is so embarrassed by them she hides her dirty panties. It makes me sad that I pushed her so hard, shame on me for listening to others and not my OWN daughter!

And with DD2 I allowed her to be ready, at 19mths she showed signs, I was "whatever" about it. 2.5 she was day trained, and 3.5 She was fully potty trained. She NEVER has accidents! Not even at night.

SO I have had the pleasure of experiencing both FORCING and ALLOWING my children to move at their pace, and if I could go back DD1 wouldn't have felt the pressure that I felt.


NOW with that being said there are children who aren't ready and children who are "lazy" training. (meaning they know how to go.. but just don't feel like it)


~My suggestion is to not make training a big deal, rather making going potty a big deal or at least acknowledging that they have to go a big deal
~Have DS go to the bathroom with dad (that will speed up the training process)
~Have a reward chart/candy jar/sticker what have you to congratulate him in his success.
~dancing helps

and if you feel the need to train him now, try taking his computer away from him and telling him, "why don't you go potty really quick and then you can sit down and play"



My girlfriend purchased a urinal for her bathroom and her DS would go in with dad and they'd both go potty. It was a nice bonding experience for both and trained him quickly.


OH and they do make cloth training pants.
http://www.softclothbunz.com/Training-Pants_c_96.html
http://www.cloth-diaper.com/trainingpants.asp

Good luck to you mama
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Old 12-11-2008, 07:42 AM   #7
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Re: Almost 3 DS potty troubles

My grandmother and my DHs mother have always started in at 18m on how their kids were out of diapers by then. I have kept telling them that he wasn't ready. I guess that since I know he can (we had one day where he happily went and stayed dry all day) it has been frustrating. I bought two pair of the cotton trainers from Imse Vimse. I don't think I can afford to buy very many of them. I also bought a pair of MOE trickle free and happy heiny's. He calls the imse Vimse pants underwear and the MOE and HHs diapers. I tried telling him that they were underwear and he said that they were diapers. I can't really argue with him, there. Those last two pair are huge bubbles butt trainers that look more like oversized diapers than underwear. I did take him potty when he woke up this morning. I had my laptop by my bed, though, and logged on to his webkinz account. I bought a potty for his webkinz and took his favorite webkinz to the potty. Then I took him. I would LOVE to see my DH take my boys to the potty, but that is very laughable. My DH has a phobia of peeing in public. I don't remember when he said it started, but he won't pee or poo in a public restroom and really doesn't like to pee/poo at other people's houses. Our master bathroom has the toilet in its own little room with a door. He won't even pee in there unless he knows that no one is in the main bathroom. I forgot about it and told Nic that Daddy was going to show him how big boys pee. DH got this shocked expression on his face and told me that was not going to happen. I have had my DS8 take him a couple of times, though. He can climb on the potty himself and loves to flush it. He also likes to throw paper in it. But when expected to DO anything in it, we have issues. Some times he is just fine. This morning, he hopped on the potty backwards and peed. It is just motivating him to do that throughout the day. I did order some prefolds and covers. They should be in by the beginning of next week, so hopefully that will help the wetness/dryness and cut down on cost. Since I am prego, I figured that the toddler size prefolds will make great changing pads/burp cloths/etc for the new baby when he is done with them. I know that the covers have good resale value, too.
I guess that I feel that if I leave it up to him, he will be in diapers forever, because he really doesn't care if he is wet or not. Now, if he has the imse vimse trainer on and it is running down his legs, he waddles in to be changed, but even after a day of peeing all over himself, he still wasn't motivated to go to the potty.

DS8 was not fully trained until 4. He was pee trained during the day, but had explosive bowels. We found out at 3yr7mo that he was lactose intolerant (he had problems nursing and we switched him to formula at 6mo. He could only tolerate soy.) and we cut out all dairy other than lactaid milk. He was poo trained then and night trained by his 4th birthday. However, we still have potty issues with him. He doesn't take the time to go to the bathroom and holds his stools in. He ends up soiling/streaking his pants. He was doing great for several months and then we moved and it started up again. I am not sure what is causing this. With my DD4, I told her two months before her third birthday that I was not buying her any more pull-ups. She looked at me and said, "Mom, you bought me some yesterday at Sam's." I told her that if she could tell me that, then she didn't need them. I put her in panties and gave the pull-ups to a mom in my mom's group. She had 2-3 accidents that week and has never had any problems since then. It is just the boys, it seems.

I did see the urinals. I thought they were hilarious. THANKS for the advice. This is a trying time. LOL. I know that I will look back on this in a few years and laugh, but it isn't so funny now. If I wasn't expecting another baby in March, I probably wouldn't feel the need to potty train him. I went ahead and told my MIL last night that he probably won't be potty trained before the baby gets here. I figured that would keep her off of my back for a little while.
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Old 12-11-2008, 08:16 AM   #8
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Re: Almost 3 DS potty troubles

I'd tell you're hubby tough noodles and make him take his son to the potty.. Poor mama.. I know how rough it is trying to potty train while pregger.. I did it too ugg.. And the next thing I knew I was cleaning poo out of panties and poo out of diapers!
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Old 12-11-2008, 09:36 AM   #9
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Re: Almost 3 DS potty troubles

LOL, that that is what I am thinking. I got my first out of pull-ups when right after my DD was born. Then got prego the month I weaned her. Can we say "oops"? Having two in diapers for 18m was not pleasant. She was trained by the time the baby was 18m. Not to mention the back to back diapers since 2000. Now, I am prego and don't want to do it again. LOL. I guess it is just luck of the draw with this child. This morning he peed and then I took him 15min ago, he was dry and he peed in the potty. I stuck him in his Imse Vimse trainers and we will see how he goes. My luck, he would be PT before my prefolds and covers came in the mail. Wait a minute, what am I saying, that would be too good to be true. LOL. I did download a trainer pattern yesterday, so I am going to see how sewing one goes.

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Old 12-11-2008, 02:04 PM   #10
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Re: Almost 3 DS potty troubles

My son will be three at the end of Jan too and he has no desire to go on the potty either. He doesn't cry though he just doesn't go on it. He also doesn't care if he's wet or sitting in poop. I've had him in underwear for two days now and he's only peed on the potty once. I am also working on training two of the little girls that I watch so I have been setting a timer for every twenty mins.
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