Top ten reasons not to circumcise your son

[psylion]

Originally Posted by FindingMercy A boy is coming to our family!!! We are adopting a son! Yay! So now we have to figure out how to politely express our desire for him to not be circumcised to his birthmom who is in charge of all medical decisions in the hospital. Pray it goes well! On a side note, my DH last night said, "how do we tell her we don't want her to cut off part of his penis?". I was amazed because we hadn't talked about circ in forever and I wasn't sure he was convinced, but apparently he is.

Congrats. Maybe just tell her you'd prefer not the have it done in the hospital, that way if she is some crazy pro-circ type it won't cause her to change her mind.

[crunch!910]

A close friend circed her son despite all that I shared with her. Her main reason was because of cosmetic. I visited her to help her with breastfeeding and had to watch her change a diaper.

Let's skip back a day prior when her son was still intact in the hospital - she expressed to me that she felt bad because she thought the meconium was really hard to wipe off and she didn't want to hurt him when wiping so hard. Well, when I was watching her change this diaper, she had NO empathy for her son. She never made a sad face, she never expressed verbally that she thought she was hurting him like she'd said about wiping too hard to get meconium off... no, instead when she had to wipe the poop off his raw, painful penis, she got angry at him and told him in a tone that clearly expressed great annoyance at her son to "Stop wiggling! ugh!" All I could do was turn away, tend to my own son, and try to compose myself, and wipe the tear that instantly dropped from my eye. When I finally could look at her again, she asked me about his urine (he still had the orange urine) and so I took that time in a calm way to explain to her that her son is in extreme pain during a diaper change. She thought vaseline had a pain reliever. I had to explain to her that the vaseline only coats it so that the wound doesn't stick to the diaper and that it has NO pain relieving properties. She then just shrugged like she didn't care.

I can't understand it... Even after I circed my first son, I felt awful. She just did NOT care that her son was in pain.

On a brighter note, my sister shared an anti-circ article and I was able to educate one of her friends. She's young, not married, in college and no real interest in parenting issues, but she's now against circ and says she'd never do it to her own! I couldn't save my friend's baby, and I still don't know how to deal with her between my anger and sadness,... but.. I did save one. It just hits reallly, really hard because I couldn't save him. (This friend we call our sister, we've known her since we are all in daipers, my sons call her "aunt", and her son is like my nephew.)

[kushie tushie]

Originally Posted by FindingMercy A boy is coming to our family!!! We are adopting a son! Yay! So now we have to figure out how to politely express our desire for him to not be circumcised to his birthmom who is in charge of all medical decisions in the hospital. Pray it goes well! On a side note, my DH last night said, "how do we tell her we don't want her to cut off part of his penis?". I was amazed because we hadn't talked about circ in forever and I wasn't sure he was convinced, but apparently he is.

Congrats!!! I agree, just tell her you dont want it done at the hospital.

Amanda . Blaming my phone for typos and crap.

[kushie tushie]

Originally Posted by crunch!910 A close friend circed her son despite all that I shared with her. Her main reason was because of cosmetic. I visited her to help her with breastfeeding and had to watch her change a diaper. Let's skip back a day prior when her son was still intact in the hospital - she expressed to me that she felt bad because she thought the meconium was really hard to wipe off and she didn't want to hurt him when wiping so hard. Well, when I was watching her change this diaper, she had NO empathy for her son. She never made a sad face, she never expressed verbally that she thought she was hurting him like she'd said about wiping too hard to get meconium off... no, instead when she had to wipe the poop off his raw, painful penis, she got angry at him and told him in a tone that clearly expressed great annoyance at her son to "Stop wiggling! ugh!" All I could do was turn away, tend to my own son, and try to compose myself, and wipe the tear that instantly dropped from my eye. When I finally could look at her again, she asked me about his urine (he still had the orange urine) and so I took that time in a calm way to explain to her that her son is in extreme pain during a diaper change. She thought vaseline had a pain reliever. I had to explain to her that the vaseline only coats it so that the wound doesn't stick to the diaper and that it has NO pain relieving properties. She then just shrugged like she didn't care. I can't understand it... Even after I circed my first son, I felt awful. She just did NOT care that her son was in pain. On a brighter note, my sister shared an anti-circ article and I was able to educate one of her friends. She's young, not married, in college and no real interest in parenting issues, but she's now against circ and says she'd never do it to her own! I couldn't save my friend's baby, and I still don't know how to deal with her between my anger and sadness,... but.. I did save one. It just hits reallly, really hard because I couldn't save him. (This friend we call our sister, we've known her since we are all in daipers, my sons call her "aunt", and her son is like my nephew.)

All of this just made me so sad....

Amanda . Blaming my phone for typos and crap.

[Galatea]

Originally Posted by FindingMercy A boy is coming to our family!!! We are adopting a son! Yay! So now we have to figure out how to politely express our desire for him to not be circumcised to his birthmom who is in charge of all medical decisions in the hospital. Pray it goes well! On a side note, my DH last night said, "how do we tell her we don't want her to cut off part of his penis?". I was amazed because we hadn't talked about circ in forever and I wasn't sure he was convinced, but apparently he is.

YAY! Congratulations!

What a tough situation. Do you not think she will be open-minded?

[Nanner99]

Originally Posted by psylion Congrats. Maybe just tell her you'd prefer not the have it done in the hospital, that way if she is some crazy pro-circ type it won't cause her to change her mind.

Good idea. I would not say you are not having it done at all. Maybe say something vague? Or just lie and say you want it done when he is at least a week old or something.

[FindingMercy]

I won't lie to her about it, but it seems she is very comfortable with us being part of all decision making. She will forever be a part of our lives (this is an open adoption), do I have to think long term. Once we have more of a relationship built up I will bring it up along with our other choice like not vaxxing him. We would have to pay for it, so if for no other reason maybe I can explain how we literally do not have the money for any additional expenses right now (which is soooo true!).

[crunch!910]

Being vague would not be lying about it. I agree with others to explain vaguely that you do not wish for it to be done while they are in hospital/when he's that young. IF she seems really accepting of that, maybe then you could let the cat out of the bag later that you never intend to get it done. Feeling the waters first, KWIM? I'm not sure the "we can't afford it" would make her feel any more comfortable....

[songbird516]

that's so terrible about your friend, but hopefully it is something you can get past. She may be distancing herself emotionally from it/him because she does feel guilty, you know?
I have a good friend who had a little boy 6 months after my daughter was born. I shared some information about circumcision with her and assumed that she felt the same way that I did about it, but when she came to see me when he was 4 days old, her husband mentioned that he was circed, but that the doctor had told them there was no medical reason! He said it like it was funny, and I was SO mad. Later I just felt sorry for her, because her son wouldn't nurse and basically a lot of her parenting 'plans' didn't work out. I never brought up the circumcision, but if she has another I probably will say something like, 'we decided not to circ Micah; do you think you would consider that for this baby?' and then offer some guy-friendly info, because I think she left it up to him.
But that decision on her part doesn't define her as a person, or our relationship. She didn't birth naturally, breastfeed, cloth diaper, or babywear, but that's okay. She's still a great mom. Oh, and she gave me 5 boxes of boy clothes, lol!

Originally Posted by crunch!910 A close friend circed her son despite all that I shared with her. Her main reason was because of cosmetic. I visited her to help her with breastfeeding and had to watch her change a diaper. Let's skip back a day prior when her son was still intact in the hospital - she expressed to me that she felt bad because she thought the meconium was really hard to wipe off and she didn't want to hurt him when wiping so hard. Well, when I was watching her change this diaper, she had NO empathy for her son. She never made a sad face, she never expressed verbally that she thought she was hurting him like she'd said about wiping too hard to get meconium off... no, instead when she had to wipe the poop off his raw, painful penis, she got angry at him and told him in a tone that clearly expressed great annoyance at her son to "Stop wiggling! ugh!" All I could do was turn away, tend to my own son, and try to compose myself, and wipe the tear that instantly dropped from my eye. When I finally could look at her again, she asked me about his urine (he still had the orange urine) and so I took that time in a calm way to explain to her that her son is in extreme pain during a diaper change. She thought vaseline had a pain reliever. I had to explain to her that the vaseline only coats it so that the wound doesn't stick to the diaper and that it has NO pain relieving properties. She then just shrugged like she didn't care. I can't understand it... Even after I circed my first son, I felt awful. She just did NOT care that her son was in pain. On a brighter note, my sister shared an anti-circ article and I was able to educate one of her friends. She's young, not married, in college and no real interest in parenting issues, but she's now against circ and says she'd never do it to her own! I couldn't save my friend's baby, and I still don't know how to deal with her between my anger and sadness,... but.. I did save one. It just hits reallly, really hard because I couldn't save him. (This friend we call our sister, we've known her since we are all in daipers, my sons call her "aunt", and her son is like my nephew.)

[erkelly]

I am so glad that my son is intact. He is perfect the way he is, and who gave me the power to alter ones body?
DH is partially circed (had no idea that even existed before meeting him) and his son from a previous marriage is circed. When we found out we were pregnant with a boy, we decided to sit down and research the options, like we did (and still do) for all of our parenting decisions. Once we read about it, we were appalled that people actually circumcise! I suppose most of the time it's out of pure ignorance. If we hadn't researched, we would have circed, because that's common here. Thank goodness we have the brains to look at every angle and make a decision on what is best for our family. And being intact IS best!

And, although it may be an awkward statement, an infants circed penis doesn't even look like a penis! An intact penis, on the other hand, looks like a penis. Although a circed penis will grow to look normal, I think a penis should always look like a penis!