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Old 08-13-2010, 01:16 PM   #531
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Re: Top ten reasons not to circumcise your son

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Originally Posted by yogababes View Post
Show him one of the videos Mama... tell him he has to witness it being done... it's a really hard battle to fight especially with one already having had it done... I hope you feel peace about what ever the outcome is... but do try to visually educate him... I'm sure his arguments are the same as other Mama's have heard... "has to look the same," "teased in the locker room," I think some of the ladies on here have good statistics and comments to rebuke these statements... When you don't see the procedure it's easy to think "it's no big deal" if he has to SEE it that might change his mind.
I haven't watched the video yet. I am afraid to. I will have him watch one though. I brought the topic back up again last night and he was immediately irritated. He sounds awful, but truly he really is one of the most easy going people I know. I did tell him with our son that if he demanded it be done, he had to watch. He was totally okay and actually agreed that if wanted it done, he had to be willing to watch. Then the doctor absolutely refused to let him watch. I was suffering from a spinal headache from the accidental spinal I got, so I did not have it in me to fight.
You are right, his arguments are very similar. He wants his boys to look like him - which I think is totally ridiculous. And yes, he wants him to look like other boys. He also brought up scripture. I mentioned the Galatians 5:6 last night that I saw on this thread and he already knew about it. He said that the part was actually about how you don't HAVE to be circ'ed, but still should be....or something like that. I can't remember exactly what he said. His other argument with our son was ridiculous, and didn't even really relate, but it made me feel bad. He basically dropped his religion (Baptist) and agreed to raise our children Catholic (mine). I know, Baptist and Catholic are both Christian, but there are still some major differences and beliefs. He brought up the fact that we were already raising our kids in my faith, why couldn't his son at least look like him.
It's become a topic that I dread talking about....I know he feels like we are beating a dead horse. But, it is something I feel strongly about. And now that we have one son who IS circ'ed, I am SURE he is going to say that if this next baby is a boy, he wants him to look like his brother. I've got my work cut out for me.....
Anyway, thank you for the tips! I really appreciate it!

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Old 08-13-2010, 01:23 PM   #532
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Re: Top ten reasons not to circumcise your son

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Your son will be born with a foreskin. Thus it is on your dh to prove why it should be done. He won't be able to.

For insight into him, google an article called "the vulnerability of men."

With my 1st, I simply told dh that I would leave him. I was deadly serious. He could tell. Then I left him alone for a few weeks with some articles printed out and he eventually came around on his own. Now he says not circ'ing our boys was the BEST parenting decision we ever made.
Thanks for the article....I will definitely check it out. I can't tell my husband I will leave him over this issue, but it simply isn't true in our case. This is the only issue that we disagree on.....a big one, I know, but not a marriage breaker. I do hope that I can be strong like you though if this next baby is a boy! I will take your advice though and have him put in writing why it should be done. Maybe he will see how trivial his reasons are then....

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Originally Posted by NSnewmom View Post
There is actually a thread on this topic here: http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/....php?t=1048253

I haven't read the whole thread yet, but I hope it is helpful. Of course it helps to know what his reasons are so that you can respond to each concern appropriately. Good luck to you!
I will definitely check out this link - thank you!

His reasons are very similar to a lot of other men. Wants the baby to look like him. Biblical. I decide so many other things that this is the one thing he really wants to decide.

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I would just refuse to sign the form and tell him it's not up for discussion as I was prepared to do with my DH. Your husband can't sign for it in the hospital as mother and baby are technically seen as one patient. Thankfully, my DH agreed with me, especially after years of being a medic in the military and he said he had seen too many badly screwed up circs that he could not take the chance of that happening with his own son. If nothing else, with one son already circed, you're in the perfect position to say "you got your way with the first one, now it's my turn". This is something that I was prepared to divorce over though. My childrens' basic well-being and safety come before the feelings of anyone, including my husband. JMHO.

-Astrid
I should have done that with our first, but, I didn't. We discussed it into the ground. He even ended up complaining to a friend at work about it, and this guy basically told him I was right. It still didn't help. Thanks for your input - I might try what you say about him getting his way with the first, now it is my turn. I know he's going to be harder to budge this time around though....not only will he want this baby (if a boy, or course) to look like him, but also like his older brother.

Thanks everyone! I appreciate the help and input!
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Old 08-13-2010, 01:26 PM   #533
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Re: Top ten reasons not to circumcise your son

Oh, and I'm so afraid to watch any videos. I already have HORRIBLE guilt about doing this to my son....I can't imagine how I will feel if I watch the video.

In nursing school I witnessed a circumcision on a five year old boy. It was not awful to watch because he was under general anesthesia, but I'm sure the recovery was tough. I can't imagine watching a newborn. A friend did while in nursing school and she said it was absolutely the most inhumane thing she had ever seen. This was AFTER her two sons had been circ'ed as they were born before she started school. I was surprised that she said she would still circ her boys after watching it. I mean, everyone has their reasons, but the way she talked about it, I thought for sure she would not do it to her kids if she had seen it first.
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Old 08-13-2010, 03:26 PM   #534
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Re: Top ten reasons not to circumcise your son

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Oh, and I'm so afraid to watch any videos. I already have HORRIBLE guilt about doing this to my son....I can't imagine how I will feel if I watch the video.

In nursing school I witnessed a circumcision on a five year old boy. It was not awful to watch because he was under general anesthesia, but I'm sure the recovery was tough. I can't imagine watching a newborn. A friend did while in nursing school and she said it was absolutely the most inhumane thing she had ever seen. This was AFTER her two sons had been circ'ed as they were born before she started school. I was surprised that she said she would still circ her boys after watching it. I mean, everyone has their reasons, but the way she talked about it, I thought for sure she would not do it to her kids if she had seen it first.
I've seen a few videos, and I don't have a son. But knowing my DH and DSS went through it makes me ill. And knowing they did it to DSS routinely before he was even 5 lbs makes me even more ill. DH said it was 'healed' when he came home after about 3 weeks in the hospital (weighed 4#8 and was 'about a month early')
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Old 08-13-2010, 07:09 PM   #535
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Re: Top ten reasons not to circumcise your son

I read this to my DH today who I assumed is pro circ because he avoids conversations with me about it. He now says we won't circ any boys we may have. YAY!
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Old 08-13-2010, 07:48 PM   #536
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Re: Top ten reasons not to circumcise your son

When I thought about it from a religious standpoint it just didn't make sense to circ.

yes the scripture says that it doesn't matter whether someone is circed or not. However, to circumsize the way that was originally commanded in the Mosaic Law, you'd have to have a Jewish rabbi come to your house 8 days after birth. As a Christian, that just doesn't make sense to me. Also there is no evidence that the way circumcision is practiced today is the same as it was performed in the Bible anyway, so the religious argument is really a moot point. It really annoys me when people use the Bible to justify things that really they just want to do.
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Old 08-13-2010, 08:35 PM   #537
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Re: Top ten reasons not to circumcise your son

just want to thank you for this thread again.

- another circ-regretting mother.
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Old 08-13-2010, 08:58 PM   #538
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Re: Top ten reasons not to circumcise your son

Also my husband literally loses all control over his body and goes into protection mode when my daughter hurts herself- like when she fell off the bed last night...oops. I can't imagine that he would be able to watch or even just hear any child of his going through that much pain if we were to have a con next time. I've mentioned the circ thing to him a little bit, and I get the impression that he's not all for it, even though he was circ'ed as a baby. I think it's just what they did around here in the 80's...
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Old 08-13-2010, 10:14 PM   #539
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Re: Top ten reasons not to circumcise your son

God doesn't make mistakes. He put that skin there for a reason.
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Old 08-14-2010, 05:37 AM   #540
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Re: Top ten reasons not to circumcise your son

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I live in Canada so maybe it is different in the US but perfoming circ's is not at all common here.
It's less than 50% nationwide but I wish it was as uncommon here as it is where you are (I live in a city in Ontario between Toronto and Ottawa). Here more than half of the boys are circed The best guess I could get was from public health nurses who do well baby follow ups and they said probably 50-60%

That being said our two are not in that. They are intact and this new little one due any day will be as well DP is from Halifax and like other Dads I know, the topic of circumcision is the one "parenting decision" (I don't really consider it this as I view it as a human rights issue) that he was willing to fight me on... only intact was normal for him and he was willing to fight to keep his children intact. Thankfully I had never even considered not doing so, so we were both already on the same page and there was no fight needed
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