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Old 01-11-2009, 11:45 AM   #1
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WWYD? re: MIL babysitting

My MIL has been begging to babysit DS since he was born, but he was EBF, co-slept, etc, and I just wasn't ready to leave him yet. Now he's almost 13 months, and she's putting more pressure on than ever. She yells at DH about it.

The thing is, that DS doesn't know her super well. She's around for holidays and family birthdays and stuff, but he's really attached to me and DH and doesn't do well with people that he isn't super close to. The only other person that he is super close with is my dad, and I have left him with my dad for a couple of hours before. The first time was before I was really ready, but it was for a funeral of a young man who died of ALS and left a baby himself, so it wasn't a situation to bring a baby to, and DS did fine. I've left him with my dad twice since then, but he was already asleep and he didn't even wake up while we were gone, although I know he wouldn't have had any problems if he had woken up and my dad went in there.

DH has been pretty supportive about it, but he's starting to say things like we should go see a movie and let his mom come over - DS will be fine. For the record, DS will never ever ever go over to MIL's house because it is beyond filthy, and they have a large unruly pit bull that jumps on people.

I just don't know how to handle this situation. I really don't want to leave DS with her because I feel like he would be traumatized if he woke up and she was the only one here, but at the same time, she is getting more and more insistent and getting mad about it. She does not know that we have left DS with my dad, as that would probably put her over the edge and she would start a big dramatic crying event.

Anyone else have a situation like this? What did you do?

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Old 01-11-2009, 11:51 AM   #2
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Re: WWYD? re: MIL babysitting

maybe tell her that he isn't use to her...maybe if she would come and visit him at your house since he is familiar and you there...then he'd get use to her...then after awhile of that she can keep him a hour or so at YOUR house? But she has to prove that she can do things your way not hers...like cding and such

I dont know my mom's house is the same way and we don't go up there...but my mom keeps asking why...and I just keep making up excuses...
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Old 01-11-2009, 12:00 PM   #3
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Re: WWYD? re: MIL babysitting

Yeah, I'm not sure she has the capacity to do things my way lol. But then again, I may just be biased because I don't want her to watch him.

On Christmas, I went to nurse him and put him down for a nap, and she comes in and starts talking all loud and pushing buttons on his toys to make them make noise and stuff. Why? Because she wanted to control the situation and do things her way - and she wanted DS to play with her. Nevermind that he was barely one and needed a nap!

Oh, and she just assumes that junk food and sweets are a normal part of his diet, and tries to get him to eat crap all the time. I don't withhold special treats like birthday cake or something - but he certainly doesn't get stuff like that every time we do. I hope to instill better habits in him than she did in DH and my mother did in me.

These are just two of sooo many stories...
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Old 01-11-2009, 12:12 PM   #4
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Re: WWYD? re: MIL babysitting

your mil is free to visit your son anytime (i assume) when you guys are around so i don't understand the big push for alone time with him. seems kinda wierd to me.
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Old 01-11-2009, 12:17 PM   #5
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Re: WWYD? re: MIL babysitting

If she wants to visit him she can do that perfectly well at any time that is convienent for all parties. She does not need to babysit just to be able to spend time with him. You are the parents and you and dh get to choose the babysitters. Being grandma does not make her an automatic babysitter.

That said any babysitter is going to be a new person at first.
The decision on you and your dh going out to a movie and his mother watching should probably try to be kept seperate discusions if possible.
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Old 01-11-2009, 12:20 PM   #6
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Re: WWYD? re: MIL babysitting

Quote:
Originally Posted by kittykat2481 View Post
Yeah, I'm not sure she has the capacity to do things my way lol. But then again, I may just be biased because I don't want her to watch him.

On Christmas, I went to nurse him and put him down for a nap, and she comes in and starts talking all loud and pushing buttons on his toys to make them make noise and stuff. Why? Because she wanted to control the situation and do things her way - and she wanted DS to play with her. Nevermind that he was barely one and needed a nap!

Oh, and she just assumes that junk food and sweets are a normal part of his diet, and tries to get him to eat crap all the time. I don't withhold special treats like birthday cake or something - but he certainly doesn't get stuff like that every time we do. I hope to instill better habits in him than she did in DH and my mother did in me.

These are just two of sooo many stories...
I wouldn't. The above shows a massive lack of respect and care. You clearly don't trust her, so just say no. He's your son and don't do anything you're not comfortable with
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Old 01-11-2009, 12:27 PM   #7
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Re: WWYD? re: MIL babysitting

tell her EXACTLY what your concerns are and offer for her to come to YOUR home and spend time with your baby WITH you and DH there. Leave her alone (but within earshot) for a couple of minutes and see how it goes. They might start really bonding and you could do this several times until you feel comfortable leaving them alone for an hour or two - but seriously, baby steps.
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Old 01-12-2009, 02:53 AM   #8
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Re: WWYD? re: MIL babysitting

I would also encourage her to come over more to bond and "see how it goes", but just politely say you are not yet ready to "go out". After you're comfortable, then try it for a short time. I do think that as long as 1) your son knows her and 2) she agrees to not provide any food other than what you designate/follow your routines with him you should allow her to babysit. She IS your MIL after all, and unless there is good reason not to trust her abilities, I think she deserves to be a bigger part of his life than it seems she is right now, especially if it is important to her. He is her family, too...

hehee the first time I left ds1 with my mom, she actually put his diaper on backwards- a disposable one, no less!! That takes talent

If you really don't want anyone alone with your son, that is your choice and perhaps you can just have her over and go about your business, with her hanging out with him more "unsupervised" than a normal visit would be?
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Old 01-12-2009, 06:47 AM   #9
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Re: WWYD? re: MIL babysitting

We never leave our son with my MIL, and believe me she has put on the pressure hardcore at times. I don't care how much she asks, I don't trust her to watch him and I know she will do things I don't want her to do because she does them right in front of my face so what more will she do when I'm not there?
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Old 01-12-2009, 07:09 AM   #10
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Re: WWYD? re: MIL babysitting

Invite her over to visit and play with the baby while you do something else, or take a nap. You could be in one room and them in another and if something comes up, you are right there to step in. You could go to a movie with you hubby, the baby will be fine, she did raise you hubby and he must have turned out acceptable to you. lol
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