WWYD? re: MIL babysitting

[earthmamastyle]

My MIL had a stroke 20 years ago and is really over weight. She can't use the left side of her body very well and her left arm has no strength at all. She has wanted to baby sit since DD was born. She used to get really mean about it. But after watching her almost drop our babies several times while holding them with one arm. Then everytime yelling at us to leave her alone that she can handle holding them. We pretty much don't even let her hold our babies without our help let alone baby sit. She watches her nephew a lot and one time we went over there. The Little boy was 2 at the time. She sat him on the sink counter, filled the sink up with water and then walked away. He was sitting by a sink full of water and like 5 feet off the ground. I said MIL shouldn't we get the LO. She said ahh no Barb he'll be fine.

Do what you feel is right and what you are comfortable with mama!!!! If you don't feel comfortable with it then just nicely say I don't want to leave him yet. Maybe when he's 40 Tell DH to support you! Or atleast he better Just my

[JustAugust]

Originally Posted by frainfam I'm going to play devil's advocate here. It seems like your MIL wants to spend time with your son. He will never get used to her if he doesn't spend much time around her, kwim? I had the same issue with my MIL, and in my case, I was being really selfish. Your MIL loves your DS, and is probably confused and hurt that you won't let her spend time with him when YOU aren't there. Grandma's are meant to spoil their grandchildren. If she gives him junk food, it will not kill him. If he misses a nap, he will not die. Just make sure she knows what foods could actually hurt him, like peanut butter, and to please not give him any. If your baby wakes up and cries, or gets super upset while you're gone, then I'm sure your MIL will call you to come back. I just really think you need to let it go, mama.

I agree. It's awesome when grandparents want to be involved in their grandkids lives. Yes, we all have issues with the ILs, but let the little things slide. Your son will be better off having 10 people around him who love him, rather than just 2 (example). The more people that love him and want to spend time with him, the better!

[abacus2]

I would agree with the "relax about it" side of things except for the fact that MIL is literally yelling at your DH to try and get what she wants. That's way inappropriate and emotionally immature. Having her come over while you do other things would be where I would start.

[MammaBx3!]

The part of your post about her not being willing to call you if needed bothers me. I'd tread lightly, but work your way up to inviting her over enough so LO knows her and won't freak out if left with her.

[katt]

I agree with other PP that she is more then welcomed in your home and can hang out with the boy and play with him and bond with him that way so that when he and you are ready to be seperate he wont' freak on her and you'll feel more secure in their relationship.

You can always phrase it to her that you have some projects you'd like to get done, could she come over and play with DS while you do them? That way you are at home too.

My DS is 24m and the only people he's ever been alone with is my DH, my Mom, and my friend (whom he sees almost everyday) He does love my ILs but, she complains of her back and 'can't' pick him up. umm... what if there's an emergency and she can't carry him?

[rvela]

I say wait until he's a little bit older. It's nice that she wants to bond with him and all and, no, junk food and not napping will not kill him but he's still so very young. So my vote is for waiting until he's around two. In the meantime, try to build your own relationship with MIL and invite her over as often as possible for 1on1 playtime with your son.

[srfbluemama]

We have a gma who plays the martyr (on DH's side) and has to be invited over--she won't call and ask if she can come visit. So, in order to pacify her, we have to plan a day when she can come over and visit. She won't initiate anything, but she sure as heck will complain that she misses the kids and hasn't seen them in a while.

In order to get some peace you probably need to make an action plan--invite her over to spend time with the LO several times until you're more comfortable and the LO is more comfortable before any babysitting happens.

[lotsa_girls]

I could have written this whole post word for word 5 years ago.

My IL's liked to take over a situation, totally disrespecting DH and I's role as DD's parents. Believe me, until you are ready and your relationship with your IL's has gotten better, an evening out with your ILs babysitting will be totally stressful and a waste of an evening out.

The first time I finally agreed to let ILs babysit, I was trying to tell MIL how much and when DD would eat, where the diapers were and where the pjs were and what soothed her to sleep. I got home to a baby up past her bedtime, wearing only a onesie b/c they didn't know where the pjs were kept!

5 years and 2 more kids later, we are learning to work with each other and respect each other's rold in DCs life. They still do things I don't like, like feeding them junk and letting them stay up too late, which I know now won't hurt my kids in the long run. MIL no longer demands to babysit, but I do what I can to relax when they are around and let them have their grandkid fix so they feel involved. I hope that you eventually have the same outcome. I know how stressful the situation you are in now, can be.