Diaper Swappers

JaylasMommy · 01-17-2009, 11:28 AM

Warning, SUPER rant... and child mentioned.

We have been TTC for 18 months now. Around my 14th month of TTC, two of my good friends started TTC, and got pregnant instantly. They both told me the same day... within an hour apart. I was hurt. Terribly. Not because they got pregnant, but because we all started AF around the same time, all had 'positive' OPKs, and... they got BFPs, and I got... I am still waiting to ovulate.

During this time, I was told that I was a rude person, because I couldn't even tell them congratulations, because it hurt me so bad. What hurts me the most? Someone told me that if I was trying harder, maybe I would be pregnant. I asked them to tell me what they meant. They said I was not trying hard enough, because I was not seeking fertility treatments yet. How does that define how hard someone is trying? Because I continue to try without medical help I am not trying hard enough? Because it's pointless for me to chart my temps every month, I am not trying hard enough? Because I am not begging my doctor for clomid already I am not trying hard enough? Last I heard, it was no one's business as what we do with our life, and our path to conception. Yet, this has stung me in a way that nothing really else has in the past 18 months.

Am I really not trying hard enough? Is it not good enough, that I feel like I still will be able to conceive naturally, and want to give myself more time to do it? Yes, I do want another child. I desire that for us. I want my child to have the friendships I did when I was growing up, and that I still have with my sisters. I see how lonely she is. I see how much she wants a playmate. I feel like such a failure, because I can not give it to her easily. I am her only playmate, her only friend. And, that makes me beyond sad.

What defines how hard you try? And, who is able to tell you how hard you should be trying?

Wanderlust · 01-17-2009, 11:51 AM

I get the opposite-
"you just need to relax"

Ashley- I'm so sorry they said that.

jpiczon · 01-17-2009, 12:37 PM

That is so awful for someone to say that! Im so sorry momma. We have been TTC #2 also and it has only been a few months but I still get comments such as " maybe you just need to relax and just have sex instead of counting days etc" or "maybe you are excercising too much" (I am training for a 1/2 marathon but also got pregnant with dd and was training) Everyone gives their reasons why you are not pregnant! Keep trying naturally if that is what YOU want to do. Personally, I wouldn't try anything unless I was past two years and my doctor felt it was necessary.

and

your way.

averysmom · 01-17-2009, 12:40 PM

Ashley- That's just aweful for someone to say. I'm so sorry.

CalebsMome · 01-17-2009, 04:28 PM

I got the "you need to try harder" until I started treatments, then after a year I got "you need to relax and quit thinking about it or adopt and you'll get pregnant." Oy vey....some people. Want me to give them a swirlie?

McMamma38 · 01-17-2009, 05:27 PM

That's just insensitive and smug on their part.I'm so sorry Ashley--

They really just needed to keep their mouths shut and LISTEN.What a lost art listening is.
If your "friends" cannot support you just listening and being there for you--they really are not true friends.

It is YOUR ttc journey and desicion to make when/if you want to pursue infertility meds or consults w/ your Dr about this matter. They need to respect you and your choice right now.

As you know I lost a good friend or what I thought was a good friend over her comments and insensitivities right after we lost our angel Gracie.This "friend" of mine thought it was somehow her place/job to inform me that somehow it was my fault that Gracie had the fatal NTD Anecephaly.She had countless so called "information/research" that she e mailed to us about Gracie's condition and she belived she was being the best friend informing me/us! She had it in her head that plus sz mamas to be have higher chances of NTDs.
HELLO--I had countless conversations w/ our Dr's on this.I had done my own research and we are very informed.It was NOT anything we did or due to my body sz.It just happened and is pretty rare thankfully.
She actually called me a "freak" because she felt women w/PCOS should not have children.OMG i was livid.It was the end of our friendship.
All she had to do was shut her mouth and just cry w/ me,offering silent support or condolences.

01-17-2009, 11:28 AM	#1
JaylasMommy Registered Users Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Maryland. Posts: 2,873 Ratings: 73 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Not Trying Hard Enough? Warning, SUPER rant... and child mentioned. We have been TTC for 18 months now. Around my 14th month of TTC, two of my good friends started TTC, and got pregnant instantly. They both told me the same day... within an hour apart. I was hurt. Terribly. Not because they got pregnant, but because we all started AF around the same time, all had 'positive' OPKs, and... they got BFPs, and I got... I am still waiting to ovulate. During this time, I was told that I was a rude person, because I couldn't even tell them congratulations, because it hurt me so bad. What hurts me the most? Someone told me that if I was trying harder, maybe I would be pregnant. I asked them to tell me what they meant. They said I was not trying hard enough, because I was not seeking fertility treatments yet. How does that define how hard someone is trying? Because I continue to try without medical help I am not trying hard enough? Because it's pointless for me to chart my temps every month, I am not trying hard enough? Because I am not begging my doctor for clomid already I am not trying hard enough? Last I heard, it was no one's business as what we do with our life, and our path to conception. Yet, this has stung me in a way that nothing really else has in the past 18 months. Am I really not trying hard enough? Is it not good enough, that I feel like I still will be able to conceive naturally, and want to give myself more time to do it? Yes, I do want another child. I desire that for us. I want my child to have the friendships I did when I was growing up, and that I still have with my sisters. I see how lonely she is. I see how much she wants a playmate. I feel like such a failure, because I can not give it to her easily. I am her only playmate, her only friend. And, that makes me beyond sad. What defines how hard you try? And, who is able to tell you how hard you should be trying? __________________ Ashley, Aaron's Sweetheart, Mommy to Jayla (06/06). Full-time Student and Incubator (05/13).

01-17-2009, 12:37 PM	#3
jpiczon Registered Users Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Dallas, PA Posts: 70 Ratings: 1 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: Not Trying Hard Enough? That is so awful for someone to say that! Im so sorry momma. We have been TTC #2 also and it has only been a few months but I still get comments such as " maybe you just need to relax and just have sex instead of counting days etc" or "maybe you are excercising too much" (I am training for a 1/2 marathon but also got pregnant with dd and was training) Everyone gives their reasons why you are not pregnant! Keep trying naturally if that is what YOU want to do. Personally, I wouldn't try anything unless I was past two years and my doctor felt it was necessary. and your way.

01-17-2009, 12:40 PM	#4
averysmom Registered Users Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 2,891 Ratings: 13 Feedback: 100%	Re: Not Trying Hard Enough? Ashley- That's just aweful for someone to say. I'm so sorry. __________________ Delana, Wife to Michael 7-29-00. SAHM to Parker Stephen 2-14-03 and Avery Grace 8-17-05 Autumn Rose my HBAC baby 2-9-10 EXPECTING #4 sometime in Sept. 2012 Planning my second homebirth!!

01-17-2009, 04:28 PM	#5
CalebsMome Registered Users Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 1,256 Ratings: 2 Feedback: 75% My Mood:	Re: Not Trying Hard Enough? I got the "you need to try harder" until I started treatments, then after a year I got "you need to relax and quit thinking about it or adopt and you'll get pregnant." Oy vey....some people. Want me to give them a swirlie? __________________ Erin , mama to Caleb 2/7/06 . Praying for more, and confident God will provide!

01-17-2009, 05:27 PM	#6
McMamma38 Registered Users Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Charlotte,N.C. Posts: 11,620 Ratings: 56 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: Not Trying Hard Enough? That's just insensitive and smug on their part.I'm so sorry Ashley-- They really just needed to keep their mouths shut and LISTEN.What a lost art listening is. If your "friends" cannot support you just listening and being there for you--they really are not true friends. It is YOUR ttc journey and desicion to make when/if you want to pursue infertility meds or consults w/ your Dr about this matter. They need to respect you and your choice right now. As you know I lost a good friend or what I thought was a good friend over her comments and insensitivities right after we lost our angel Gracie.This "friend" of mine thought it was somehow her place/job to inform me that somehow it was my fault that Gracie had the fatal NTD Anecephaly.She had countless so called "information/research" that she e mailed to us about Gracie's condition and she belived she was being the best friend informing me/us! She had it in her head that plus sz mamas to be have higher chances of NTDs. HELLO--I had countless conversations w/ our Dr's on this.I had done my own research and we are very informed.It was NOT anything we did or due to my body sz.It just happened and is pretty rare thankfully. She actually called me a "freak" because she felt women w/PCOS should not have children.OMG i was livid.It was the end of our friendship. All she had to do was shut her mouth and just cry w/ me,offering silent support or condolences. __________________ Charlotte~wife to Bill and mama to Jim(18),Sarah(7) and Megan Grace(born to heaven on 6/5/07) and tiny tummy babies never forgotten Last edited by McMamma38; 01-17-2009 at 05:35 PM.