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Old 02-09-2009, 12:56 PM   #1
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Somethings gotta be done

Our DD will be 3 on May 3rd. Shes very very bossy. When it first started everyone told us that it was normal, now its gotten way worse and my mom said shes never seen a child act so rude and bossy. Let me think of some examples...

We went to look at an apartment about a week ago, this lady has 3 children, the youngest being 6 weeks old, and my dd loves babies and the father took the baby downstairs, well dd wanted to see the baby and kept screaming that she wanted down, so I put her down and she walked around the apartment and then she was trying to get into the room where they had tools to fix things up and I picked her up and she started to kick and scream, now I know that is normal for her age, but I put her down a few seconds later and she ran into this room (mind you she's never been at this place before) slams the door and tells me to get out, I tired to open it and she was pushing against it and said "Leave me alone!!!" That kind of behavior I could expect for a child much older, needless to say we never got a call back from the people renting it.

She doesnt help at all, well I shouldn't say at all, there are times she will help if she gets some sort of reward. But she will make a mess and refuse to help pick it up, she doesnt want anything to do with anything anymore, she doesnt like to paint, color play with play doh, help with dishes or cooking..nothing, the only thing she likes to do is read her books or just throw a fit and go slam her door in her room.

Shes a horrible back talker, sometimes dh and I will be talking in the car and if shes mad she will sit there and scream "Don't talk to daddy" or "Don't talk to mommy!" over and over until one of us has to tell her to stop it. We've had to start raising our voices at her because she just doesn't listen. If we need to leave somewhere she will throw a fit, kick, scream, sometimes hit. She tells dh and I not to talk to me "Don't talk to me!"

I could go on and on, its just not like her, and its only been within the past 4 or so months that I've seen it getting worse. I think the main cause is DH who was stressed because his hours got cut back at work to almost nothing, now he doesnt even have a job, hes always yelling at me and being disrespectful towards me. So I think that plays a good role in it...but I swear shes just unruly. I don't even know what to do anymore, she went to dinner with us last night with some friends and she wanted to eat pramasan cheese off her plate (with nothing else we where still waiting for the food) I said no and she started to SCREAM so dh hands it to me and I was like wth are you doing..when you say no you say no! you need to stick with it...well needless to say she lost it and screamed for a couple minutes until I made dh take her to the bathroom...I was getting rude looks for tons of people, I mean she was just bad I wanted to hide under the table.

I know most of this is typical "terrible two" behavior but I swear she has no respect for us at all. How should I help her stop this? DH keeps telling her when shes really bad that hes going to spank her butt or whatever and it just makes me so mad! You don't threaten your children, he knows to never lay a hand on her, but still he shouldnt say it! What can I do before I lose my mind!?

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Old 02-09-2009, 02:02 PM   #2
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Re: Somethings gotta be done

Slow and Steady wins the race. Sit down with Dh and come up with a unified plan. No means no. Not listening has punishments. If she can't behave then she can't go places with you. It will seem like punishment for you guys but she will come around. Just get her back on track and be steady and consistant. She is probably feeling insecure with all the stress and changes around her lately.
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Old 02-09-2009, 03:11 PM   #3
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Re: Somethings gotta be done

You and DH definitely need to come to an agreement on how things will be handled. and not just in how you handle things with your daughter, but in how you handle things with each other. Let him know that you are ready to listen, talk when he needs you to, and that you are supporting him, but that you need to be treated with respect as well.

An idea for the door slamming -- take it off. My oldest had an issue with slamming her door when she was mad and so finally I just took it off. That was a few years ago and while she has lost it one other time, normally the threat of her losing her door is enough to put her behavior back where it should be.

And it'll take time for your daughter to learn, but if you and DH are consistent, she will get there.
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Old 02-09-2009, 03:52 PM   #4
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Re: Somethings gotta be done

Do you use any form of discipline?

My dh and I agreed we would use the naughty corner and we copied the way Supernanny does it on her show. My DS is very strong willed and we started using the naughty corner at around 18 months old. We do 1 minute per year of age. So back then we put him in the corner for one minute. It worked extremely well with him even though he was young.

I also usually give him two choices, both in things to do and two options like clothing or food. Like you can get dressed for bed or you can go to bed right now with no stories. I can usually get the light turned off and gate to his room latched before he caves and calls me back.

I also try to pick my battles. Somethings are important and we insist on them and discipline him with the naughty corner, if he doesn't respond to us. Little things I let go. I don't want a constant battle of wills.

I truely believe that children really crave discipline, routines and order in their lives.

As for the naughty corner - First, I give him a warning like "you don't hit Mommy, if you hit again you will go to the naughty corner". Usually that is enough to get his behavior back in line. If he continues- I tell him why he is going in the corner, and then put him there. If he runs out I just place him back in the corner without speaking to him. No need to fuel the fire. When his time is up, I repeat to him why he is in the naughty corner and ask for him to apologize and for a hug and kiss.

The key is to keep putting them back in the corner when they run out and they will, many times. They WILL test you. But, it will get easier each time and you will not need to use the corner as much over time.

After my DS got bigger he started testing us to see what would happen when he misbehaved when we are out. If we are at a restaurant a threat of leaving and not coming back is enough to get him in line. He loves going out to eat.

But, our naughty corner travels. We have used the naughty corner at Target, at the head of a hiking trail, at Grandma's and at Daycare.

If you and your DH are consistent in your reaction and discipline with her, she should respond quickly.
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Old 02-10-2009, 01:02 AM   #5
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Re: Somethings gotta be done

Sorry to say it, but it sounds to me like DH is the problem, not her. Children copy what they see. It's a lesson we have learned the hard way, that's for sure. We're working our way out of it.

GL mama. Fix yourselves, and she will follow. And at the very least, if you fix yourselves, you can work together to discipline her.
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Old 02-10-2009, 10:58 AM   #6
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Re: Somethings gotta be done

I think it really has nothing to do with you and your DH and how you speak to eachother, however that sounds like a problem too.

Me and my DH NEVER argue.. I can't remember the last time we did, and it surely wasn't infront of miranda and she's probably 10 times worse than yours will ever be. lol However, I find i'm not always the nicest in speaking to miranda, and I'm working on that.

Miranda is Madison, with a couple years on her. It's REALLY bad around here, she doesn't listen and screams and yells, she runs away from us in stores, she hides in clothing racks, she SLAMS her door and yells she hates me.. it's kinda like having a 44inch teenager around. and the Bossiness, i could really hurt her for. now that the baby is here, it's gotten worse. all I do is think back to a time where people were amazed at how well she did in a resturant or in a store. lol

I'm working on setting up some kind of game plan.. Less sugar and more consistency.. Me and DH need to get on the same page because things I let go he flips out about, and it just makes her worse.

Good times. I hope it will get better soon with my plan.

I wish you luck!
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Old 02-10-2009, 11:47 AM   #7
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Re: Somethings gotta be done

Me and my husband have been fighting a lot lately and it started to affect our 2 year old son.

He is very sweet an social around other kids. Thank goodness. I run an in-home daycare and could not deal with him being mean to the other kids.
Still, it seems that all he doesn is throwing one fit after the other all day long. Sunday we went to have breakfast and he scremed for almost 20 minutes straight because we did not let him throw food on the floor. I am talking out of the top of his longs loud screams that make your ears ring. We just ignored him and he eventualy calmed down. No fun for anybody sitting near us, but I refuse to give inn into his fits anylonger. He has to learn that there are certain situiations when he has to behave.

Our son just started to clean up. Normaly he just dumps all toys on the floor and makes a huge mess. What takes me an hour to clean only takes him a minute to mess up. From now on he will just not be aloud to take any other toys out of the bins to play with them untill he put the ones he just played with away. It is hard. I have to hold him on my arm and calm him down, then I put him in time out, take him out of it again, hold him and calm him down, try again if he wants to clean up, if not he goes back into time out. It took almost 1 1/2 hours of straight fighting him the first time untill he cleaned up. No fun for him or me.

Just keep doing what you are doing. I know we give into his moods many times just to have peace. Good luck mama!
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Old 02-10-2009, 12:01 PM   #8
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Re: Somethings gotta be done

Yeah 3s are worse than 2s.
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Old 02-10-2009, 02:02 PM   #9
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Re: Somethings gotta be done

Our 4yo Dd has days like that too, and yet Dh and I never talk to each other that way. She sounds very strong willed and stiubborn and she's trying to control everything.
We are back to doing the naughty spot, same as the previous poster that follows super nannny. It does work, also I get down on her level and talk straight. I don't budge if she tries to boss me about and demand, she gets to go away and start over. then ask nicely, today she was up 30 minutes and went back to bed for a few minutes to start the day over.
She is having trouble accepting No, or not today as an answer. But we are working on it. Oh and for us it all started a couple months before her third birthday, before that she was the most easy compliant kid ever. So I never needed to send her to the aughty spot or anything.
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Old 02-10-2009, 04:34 PM   #10
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Re: Somethings gotta be done

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom24Babes View Post
Yeah 3s are worse than 2s.
You've got that right!!! My 3yo is a terror at times. It's like he does things just to tick me off. UGH!!!

Kids pick up on things pretty quickly. I think the stress might have something to do with it. My DH and I are having problems and even though we do not fight in front of them, I can tell they sense something is up. I think you need to talk to your DH and come up with a plan first. Then, stick to the plan. Once she sees that you are a united front, things will get better.

Pick your battles. Some things are worth it and some aren't. The cheese thing wasn't worth it, IMO. If eating cheese is going to keep her quiet, then let her. It's not worth the fight. Slamming doors is worth it. You need to sit down and evaluate what is discipline worthy and what is not.

Good luck!!! I feel for you. I'm going through the same thing with my 3yo. Some days I feel like locking myself in my room.
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