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Old 02-12-2009, 09:04 PM   #21
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Re: Would you be prepared if DH died suddenly?

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I do this too... glad to know I am not the only one I even quiz him on occassion to see if he knows what to do I often say things like "if I died this morning, what would you feed Aiden?" or "show me how to buckle this carseat correctly just in case I die and you actually have to buckle it one day!"
and I even wrote out VERY CLEAR instructions of how each of my babies were to be cared for in and out of the hospital as a part of my birth plans if somethign were to happen to me.
such as: the baby could NEVER be out of the sight/arms reach of either my DH or my mother, or other person appointed by my DH at ANY time whatsoever during the entire hospital stay, if the choice had to be made someone must go with the baby rather than me in an emergency, absolutely no formula.. only donor breastmilk/organic goat milk if I were dead, unconcious, or in a coma, and no vaxes... I signed it, had DH sign it, and the attending nurse and my doc signed it.

I must be super morbid!

Me too!! I asked DH the other day "Now if I was dead and could never remind you, what foods does DS hate? What gives him a rash? What do you do when he does X or Y?"

I also told DH what to do if I died when DS was born. I was pretty ill I guess as he actually listened. He did think I was going to die when I started seizing so he pays extra attention now.

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Old 02-12-2009, 09:04 PM   #22
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Re: Would you be prepared if DH died suddenly?

Ladies, Check out the blog. I am interested to see if you think Gena's suggestions and list is as practical and regular as I do. It's not just about the will. She has had to sort out SO much stuff despite how careful her husband was to have them taken care of before he died in the accident.

Just wanted to mention that. Nobody wants to be fighting for the house they own because DH and you didn't put joint tenancy on the loan. Or that you didn't know if the 401(k) was accessible to you. Or waiting in line at city hall to get a copy of your marriage certificate when DH died last week. So upsetting.
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Old 02-12-2009, 09:05 PM   #23
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Re: Would you be prepared if DH died suddenly?

Yes, we are now prepared and it has taken a huge weight off my shoulders. I used to worry about it alot.
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Old 02-12-2009, 09:31 PM   #24
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Re: Would you be prepared if DH died suddenly?

I went back and read the blog:
she seemed to cover all the bases.. as for my family we have no investments, stocks, bonds, 401k's or anything of the like... I already handle ALL the bill paying (which is only basic living expenses and our van), and our mortgage is already set up the right way (which I handled when we bought the house because DH knew nothing of how things like that work ) and I have always kept a copy of all our birth certificates, mariage certificate, and our SS cards just because we are always needing them for something anyway.
The one thing we don't have is a written will.. we have talked about that before, but we really don't have anything worth making a will for! Our falling apart house is really all we have with our name on it and the furnishings in it aren't worht anything as far as a willing them would be concerned and we don't have any land, investments, etc.
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Old 02-12-2009, 11:23 PM   #25
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Re: Would you be prepared if DH died suddenly?

absolutely no formula.. only donor breastmilk/organic goat milk if I were dead, unconcious, or in a coma, and no vaxes... I signed it, had DH sign it, and the attending nurse and my doc signed it.

I must be super morbid! [/QUOTE]

THis is exactly what i always tell dh! The most important thing to me if i was to die is make sure my baby gets bm until hes at least 2. ive even shown him some of the donor milk websites, and found out which of our (kinda) local hospitals have a milk bank. we are pretty much prepared, except for guardianship of the kids, we have talked and talked about it and the fact is we just both can't die, because while we have some wonderful loving family they do NOT parent anything like us, and there is really no one....

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Old 02-13-2009, 12:37 AM   #26
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Re: Would you be prepared if DH died suddenly?

While I would be devastated, I am completely prepared if he should die.

Prior to him joining the military, we had random conversations about this type of thing, but it became a much more pressing issue once we decided he was going to sign the dotted line.

It is a huuuuge relief to know that scrambling around trying to figure all this type of stuff out will not be something I have to worry about should I lose my life partner and best friend.
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Old 02-13-2009, 06:27 AM   #27
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Re: Would you be prepared if DH died suddenly?

Good blog post. We are set with most of those things. Just yesterday I made an appt with a lawyer to update our will since we've moved and had two more children since our original will. I am going to check our mortgage, though. I would not have thought of that since we were both there signing everything at closing, but now I want to be sure what the paperwork says.
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Old 02-13-2009, 07:22 AM   #28
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Re: Would you be prepared if DH died suddenly?

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although I don't like to think about it... yes, I am totally prepared if DH were to ie. He has a more than generous life insurance policy that is the equivalent of 13 years worth of his current pay. Plus our mortgage is in his name only and the debt is forgiven if he were to die, plus his job now has a seperate "one year of pay" thing they do also, not to mention SSI spouse & children benefit monthly checks... so I would basicaly be set totally until my children were out of the house.
He on the other hand will have a harder time if I were to die because my life insurance policy is only 1/4 of what his is.
Just out of curiosity, do you have mortgage insurance? I just wouldn't want anyone to think that if their name isn't on the mortgage the debt would be forgiven. From what I understand, the debt would go to his estate (unless you have the proper insurance) and you would be responsible for it if you were the beneficiary of his estate. Just something especially for those others reading this...

That being said, we haven't prepared enough and are now talking about it again. We need to finalize a few things and then just put it all in a simple will.
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Old 02-13-2009, 07:33 AM   #29
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Re: Would you be prepared if DH died suddenly?

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Just out of curiosity, do you have mortgage insurance? I just wouldn't want anyone to think that if their name isn't on the mortgage the debt would be forgiven. From what I understand, the debt would go to his estate (unless you have the proper insurance) and you would be responsible for it if you were the beneficiary of his estate. Just something especially for those others reading this...

That being said, we haven't prepared enough and are now talking about it again. We need to finalize a few things and then just put it all in a simple will.
the mortgage loan is in his name only we pay the couple extra dollars a month extra for the death protection thing that states the debt would be forgiven in the event of his death. The deed is in both our names, so if either of us died it would automatically belong totally to the other one.
there are no beneficiaries to our "estate" as we have nothing of value to worry about willing anyway.
even if they totally lied to us about how things would work and i did end up having to pay the mortgage in full, I could very easily pay off the house and still live comfortably until the kids were grown on his life insurance policy.
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Old 02-13-2009, 10:02 AM   #30
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Re: Would you be prepared if DH died suddenly?

My dh is 19 years older than me so this is something we have talked about in great lengths. We have a primary and secondary guardian picked for our children if something were to happen to both of us. If something were to happen to my dh I would collect his monthly pension for the rest of my life. His pension is just about 100% of his current pay and goes up with each year of service. I would also keep my health insurance for the rest of my life and the girls would keep their insurance till 23. He has several large life insurance policies as well. Also if something were to happen to both of us the girls would collect his pension until they are 18, plus they would get SSI. It's a very tough issue to think about but I would hate to not be prepared. My dad died young and it was a mess. It's amazing how people come out of the wood work when there is money involved.
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