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Old 02-13-2009, 06:26 PM   #1
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Toddler Wars...WWYD?

So I was at the playground with my 21mo today, and he's really not into sharing. We're working on it, lol.

When your toddler is acting poorly, or another toddler is acting poorly towards your DC, do you step in?

OR

Do you let the peer interaction/social cues with others provide an opportunity to teach your child?

For the record, I always step in, BUT, I think I'm a hover-er kind of parent. Not sure I like that much. I'm not that way when we're home..he has tons of independence. Just in social situations. Seems hypocritical of me

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Old 02-13-2009, 06:38 PM   #2
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Re: Toddler Wars...WWYD?

If it's going towards pushing/shoving/screaming/etc... I'll step in, but I do like to watch to see how dd handles the situation. It gives me hope that some things I'm saying to her are getting through
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Old 02-13-2009, 06:47 PM   #3
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Re: Toddler Wars...WWYD?

I think it depends.

Now... my daughter's in daycare and all of the other children in her room are older than her - she was born 07/20/07 and the oldest ones in the room are born in 09/06 and they get closer to my daughter's age from there (the closest being a little boy born in the same month, but two weeks earlier, then a little girl 3 months older than both of them).

But she is taller than all of them. And from what I can tell (I watch their interaction when I come pick her up and I also get feedback from her teachers), she can handle herself totally OK with them.

Now... sometimes, I see my daughter taking things from a peer or vice verse... or the very occasional, wrestling/power struggle.

My daughter is one to typically walk away and she shares pretty willingly (the exceptions being baby dolls and books... she won't even share those with me) for the most part.

Now - in the instances that I've seen the power struggles... I just watch and see if either child is aware of the other child's social cues... if seems like neither is really aware of the other child's feelings/needs/desires/whatever, then I monitor it more closely and try to intervene as little as possible.

Obviously, I don't want anyone to get hurt. And I want them to learn from their behaviors. But sometimes it is necessary to remind them that there are rules and what's socially acceptable.

You have to let your son learn and explore... even if it means watching him get the "short end" of an argument or disagreement.

Does that make sense?
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Old 02-13-2009, 07:00 PM   #4
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Re: Toddler Wars...WWYD?

I watch closely and will step in when the situation is no longer being handled well by the toddlers, and every situation is different.
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Old 02-13-2009, 08:41 PM   #5
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Re: Toddler Wars...WWYD?

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Originally Posted by Equivocal View Post
I think it depends.

Now... my daughter's in daycare and all of the other children in her room are older than her - she was born 07/20/07 and the oldest ones in the room are born in 09/06 and they get closer to my daughter's age from there (the closest being a little boy born in the same month, but two weeks earlier, then a little girl 3 months older than both of them).

But she is taller than all of them. And from what I can tell (I watch their interaction when I come pick her up and I also get feedback from her teachers), she can handle herself totally OK with them.

Now... sometimes, I see my daughter taking things from a peer or vice verse... or the very occasional, wrestling/power struggle.

My daughter is one to typically walk away and she shares pretty willingly (the exceptions being baby dolls and books... she won't even share those with me) for the most part.

Now - in the instances that I've seen the power struggles... I just watch and see if either child is aware of the other child's social cues... if seems like neither is really aware of the other child's feelings/needs/desires/whatever, then I monitor it more closely and try to intervene as little as possible.

Obviously, I don't want anyone to get hurt. And I want them to learn from their behaviors. But sometimes it is necessary to remind them that there are rules and what's socially acceptable.

You have to let your son learn and explore... even if it means watching him get the "short end" of an argument or disagreement.

Does that make sense?
ITA...I think the issue is more of me being embarrassed of him hassling other kids, ya know? He's a big brute! Kinda bossy and very strong for his age. He also goes to daycare and so he has tons of social interaction. He is the youngest in his class by quite a bit...pbly 6mos. But,he's as tall as all the 3+yos in there.

I did actually let him get the short end today...there was a kid there that was probly 3-4 yrs old and was not letting DS go by him and he pushed DS a few times. Mom was not watching...I didn't say anything to either of them. DS just scowled at him and went and did something else.

OK, so now that I think about it, I guess I only intervene when its my kid being a jerk, lol.
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Old 02-13-2009, 09:01 PM   #6
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Re: Toddler Wars...WWYD?

At under 2, I'd step in to give my child a suggestion of appropriate behavior, like, "Oh, I see that Ananda wants to play with that now. Can you let her take a turn? Is there something else you could play with for a while?" etc.
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Old 02-14-2009, 02:14 AM   #7
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Re: Toddler Wars...WWYD?

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At under 2, I'd step in to give my child a suggestion of appropriate behavior, like, "Oh, I see that Ananda wants to play with that now. Can you let her take a turn? Is there something else you could play with for a while?" etc.
I do this.
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Old 02-14-2009, 06:16 AM   #8
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Re: Toddler Wars...WWYD?

If it's my kid being a bully, I step in and end it right then and there. I did not take such an active approach when my dd was younger and she could be unpleasant to take in group situations. Even my youngest, who is 18 mos, fully understand he will not be allowed to push, hit, or take things. The only exception is b/w siblings- I do not intervene as much there.

A friend of mine has a 3 yr old who she does not always step in with, and he is a bully. I cannot leave him alone with my almost 3 yr old or my 18 mos old. We have stopped letting him come over to the house with his mom it is so bad. Not all kids get to this level, but my thoughts are that at a young age, they need to be directed on what is socially acceptable.

If, they are in a little argument with another toddler at the playground and the playing field is even, as long as it is not too physical, I may let it play out. But, like you, I tend to let my kids get the short stick. If another kid is continually bullying with no mom in sight, I go tell that child directly to knock it off.
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Old 02-14-2009, 08:04 AM   #9
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Re: Toddler Wars...WWYD?

I tend to let it play out providing it doesn't get physical. DH hates seeing our kids get the short end of the stick and he'll intervene.
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Old 02-14-2009, 01:47 PM   #10
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Re: Toddler Wars...WWYD?

I have a friend that totally controlled her toddler/preschooler/young elementary son. It was if every word out his mouth, was from her. His every action had to be 'approved' by her.

He couldn't take a toy car (hot wheels) and use it with Little People toys...they don't go together. She would stand over and watch his every move...and his playmates. It was hard. Very hard, because I'm not like that. I would listen, and if a problem between the boys developed, I would watch and see if they solved it. Our boys have NEVER hit eachother, so we never had to deal with that. She would jump right in and solve the problem with yelling/usually spanking/time out for her son before the boys could solve it.

It was stressful at times. She felt as though my discpline was so laid back that my son would be in jail by the time he was a teenager. She used that reason as to why she spanked and controlled her son so much. It was tense for awhile, but I didn't back down. Her son...how do I say this....he has issues, behaviorally. I do feel bad for him. He hasn't learned how to act with others, since his mom ALWAYS told him what to do, what to say.

Oh wait, not what you asked.....

If my LO was hurting another child, being mean, etc., then I would step in and guide his behavior....

I'm sure my friend would still consider me laid back in my discpline, but I believe that my children are happy and know that they are loved. I don't think I'm that laid back. I'm sure our oldest wouldn't say so. He gets time-outs/privelages taken away (he hates that).

We have to be firmer with our LO...he's thrown more fits than my oldest ever did in his whole life!

Sorry so off topic...
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