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Old 02-16-2009, 11:12 AM   #1
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Our Life Style Prohibits them from...

My Father told me last night that My fiance' and I's life style prohibites him and his wife from being GRANDPARENTS!!!!

DF and I live a fairly Toxin free, Organic/Natural life style we also are VERY attatched parents! Yes we do have things that we do use or eat that don't fall into those categories but about 75% of ALL things brought into our home are as the above...

So an argument started because my Step-Mom and MY dad favor my step-brother's Son who is 3 1/2 months younger than my daughter... I am NOT the only one to see this and mention it to my dad... My step dad and his fiance live with my dad and allow them to do whatever they want with their son... We have rules i.e. No sugar or VERY limited sugar (hard candies), No SODA in her sippy, we still dilute her juice, no kool-aid, and some other things, we also have NEVER let her spend the night with anyone yet... I still nurse (well she is pretty much weaned on her own), we cosleep, and the biggie- we CD... ALL of this seems to "prohibit them from being grandparents"!

NOT one of the other grandparents have ANY issues with our wishes, and if they did they are the type who would tell you! I really don't feel like we are being to restrictive, we try to be as healthy as we can to have a more healthy life, and I feel that we, ESP. my daughter are being penalized for it! Is it really such an outlandish request to not give her any candy... Can't they find something else that is a sweet treat to offer her, I have even tried suggested certian snacks that they could keep at the house and have bought things as well for their house... This is REALLY effecting our relationship and it drives me crazy!

I guess I am just looking for some suggestions, I dont feel that we should have to alter our choices and life style for them, but then I also know that there has to be some sort of a middle ground, Anyone else deal or dealt with this?
THANK YOU for ready this book lol! Rant is Over!

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Old 02-16-2009, 11:25 AM   #2
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Re: Our Life Style Prohibits them from...

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh. My inlaws are the same way! OMG it sucks! Our rules were more along the lines of not getting drunk in front of the kids and not smoking around them and that was restricting them too much, boohoo. Since my SIL and her idiot BF let them do whatever they want (even driving drunk with her!) with their kid they favor her way more than our kids. The kids see it too.

Unless you bend to their will nothing will change.
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Old 02-16-2009, 11:32 AM   #3
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Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh. My inlaws are the same way! OMG it sucks! Our rules were more along the lines of not getting drunk in front of the kids and not smoking around them and that was restricting them too much, boohoo. Since my SIL and her idiot BF let them do whatever they want (even driving drunk with her!) with their kid they favor her way more than our kids. The kids see it too.

Unless you bend to their will nothing will change.
Thats what I was afraid of! I am not going to change our way of thinking because it will allow them to do what they want! I am also afraid that Mia will soon start to understand and *I* will have to be the one to answer her questions, NOT them!
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Old 02-16-2009, 11:49 AM   #4
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Re: Our Life Style Prohibits them from...

My MIL started this crap when we first started TTC. Of course she is of the "be unconscious when you have them, put them in day care at 4 weeks and have them on Ritalin by 3." school of thought. Her three children (all adults now) NEVER (yes really) ate a single meal at the table. Every meal was eaten in front of the tv. Most dinners were McDonald's. SO we get the "you are going to do all this silly hippie stuff when you have the baby are you?"

I admit I purposely aggravate her sometimes with the most hippie, crunchy things I can think of. LOL
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Old 02-16-2009, 11:56 AM   #5
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Re: Our Life Style Prohibits them from...

Wow! How frustrating! Hugs, mama!
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Old 02-16-2009, 12:00 PM   #6
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Thats what I was afraid of! I am not going to change our way of thinking because it will allow them to do what they want! I am also afraid that Mia will soon start to understand and *I* will have to be the one to answer her questions, NOT them!
I always say "I don't know. Why don't you ask grandma"?? Or explain that neices parents are idiots and can't take care of neice so grandma and grandpa have to help. This christmas was the icing on the cake so to speak with our oldest DD. She will never be the same towards them and they only have themselves to blame. Neice got a ton more stuff and all *brand name* stuff whereas our kids got a few things all from the dollar store (and money is no issue)!
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Old 02-16-2009, 12:03 PM   #7
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Re: Our Life Style Prohibits them from...

Your choices are your choices and that's fine. I would try to sit down and talk to them about it calmly. It sounds like they're offended. My parent's did this too many months back. They were of the thinking that they raised me just fine (which they did), so why should they have to listen to me. After we sat down and had a heart-to-heart, things have been MUCH better
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Old 02-16-2009, 12:06 PM   #8
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My MIL started this crap when we first started TTC. Of course she is of the "be unconscious when you have them, put them in day care at 4 weeks and have them on Ritalin by 3." school of thought. Her three children (all adults now) NEVER (yes really) ate a single meal at the table. Every meal was eaten in front of the tv. Most dinners were McDonald's. SO we get the "you are going to do all this silly hippie stuff when you have the baby are you?"

I admit I purposely aggravate her sometimes with the most hippie, crunchy things I can think of. LOL
I do that towards my MIL... But that is just cause we have a VERY unique realtionship! but all this crap is coming from my DAD!!!! I mean we get made fun of at Family events because we eat organic, they'll say stuff like "oh she can't have any that cause its not ORGANIC" SO annoying!
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Wow! How frustrating! Hugs, mama!
Thank you!!!!!
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I always say "I don't know. Why don't you ask grandma"?? Or explain that neices parents are idiots and can't take care of neice so grandma and grandpa have to help. This christmas was the icing on the cake so to speak with our oldest DD. She will never be the same towards them and they only have themselves to blame. Neice got a ton more stuff and all *brand name* stuff whereas our kids got a few things all from the dollar store (and money is no issue)!
Yeah Simular thing happened this year for christmas too, except THANKFULLY Mia isn't old enough to understand and It may be another year before I need to start answering questions, but it still so frustrating for ME to see!
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Old 02-16-2009, 12:07 PM   #9
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Re: Our Life Style Prohibits them from...

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Your choices are your choices and that's fine. I would try to sit down and talk to them about it calmly. It sounds like they're offended. My parent's did this too many months back. They were of the thinking that they raised me just fine (which they did), so why should they have to listen to me. After we sat down and had a heart-to-heart, things have been MUCH better
Thank you! I will see if they would be up for that!
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Old 02-16-2009, 12:23 PM   #10
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My family doesn't mind. Sure, sometimes they don't understand why but they don't make a big deal about anything. DH's family knows nothing about how I choose to raise our kids. They just don't ask and his mother rarely calls anyways. DH is military though, so we only get to see our families maybe once a year.
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