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Old 02-18-2009, 01:40 PM   #1
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At my whits end with daughter who has ADD and ODD

Hi mamas I haven't posted on the parenting threads before, but I'm hoping I can get some good advice from all the experienced mama's. I have an 8 yr old daughter who has always been my "difficult" child. She has been in and out of counseling for a couple years, but hasn't went in the last year because, well, I had a newborn, she didn't want to go and I got lazy as far as making her go. She has been diagnosed with ADD by her doctor and with ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) by one of her previous counselors. We recently moved (which was a move she wanted to make) and she is going downhill fast. She was doing really good for the first week or two that we moved, but now, not so much. She is constantly telling me no, refuses to do what I tell her, lies, is getting bad grades, accepts no responsibility for her own actions and so on and so on. I called a counselor here in our new town, but she can't get in until March 10th I don't know what to do! I feel like I have no control of my daughter, or my household for that matter. She hasn't been on her Strattera for ADD for a couple months because I wasn't convinced that medication was the way to go but we have an appt. friday to go back on that. I also read that omega 3's and vitamin E supplements are good for ODD so I am going to start those tomorrow morning. But, I am just at a loss for how to deal with my daughter. I wish parenting came with a handbook. I feel like I should punish her behavior, but I also feel like there are a lot of underlying issues that are causing this behavior. Whenever I try to talk to her it ends up in a screaming match. Any advice mama's? If not, that's ok too.....It feels good to get this off my chest. Just thought that maybe someone else out there is going through the same thing.

*I should also note that her dad has stopped coming around because he doesn't know how to "deal" with her. However, he still comes and takes his son (her brother) every weekend. I know this is wrong and I think that could be an underlying issue with her but I'm not sure how to deal with this either*

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Old 02-18-2009, 02:27 PM   #2
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Re: At my whits end with daughter who has ADD and ODD

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Originally Posted by jessd32003 View Post
Hi mamas I haven't posted on the parenting threads before, but I'm hoping I can get some good advice from all the experienced mama's. I have an 8 yr old daughter who has always been my "difficult" child. She has been in and out of counseling for a couple years, but hasn't went in the last year because, well, I had a newborn, she didn't want to go and I got lazy as far as making her go. She has been diagnosed with ADD by her doctor and with ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) by one of her previous counselors. We recently moved (which was a move she wanted to make) and she is going downhill fast. She was doing really good for the first week or two that we moved, but now, not so much. She is constantly telling me no, refuses to do what I tell her, lies, is getting bad grades, accepts no responsibility for her own actions and so on and so on. I called a counselor here in our new town, but she can't get in until March 10th I don't know what to do! I feel like I have no control of my daughter, or my household for that matter. She hasn't been on her Strattera for ADD for a couple months because I wasn't convinced that medication was the way to go but we have an appt. friday to go back on that. I also read that omega 3's and vitamin E supplements are good for ODD so I am going to start those tomorrow morning. But, I am just at a loss for how to deal with my daughter. I wish parenting came with a handbook. I feel like I should punish her behavior, but I also feel like there are a lot of underlying issues that are causing this behavior. Whenever I try to talk to her it ends up in a screaming match. Any advice mama's? If not, that's ok too.....It feels good to get this off my chest. Just thought that maybe someone else out there is going through the same thing.

*I should also note that her dad has stopped coming around because he doesn't know how to "deal" with her. However, he still comes and takes his son (her brother) every weekend. I know this is wrong and I think that could be an underlying issue with her but I'm not sure how to deal with this either*

I don't have any advice off the top of my head, but I'll let you know if I come up with anything. I just wanted to offer hugs. I bet she is heart broken to have her dad come and get her brother. That is just so unfair. Maybe if you could try to do something special with her doing those weekends.
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Old 02-19-2009, 12:24 PM   #3
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Re: At my whits end with daughter who has ADD and ODD

Hi, mama
the only thing that is working for us is a strict routine schedule,appropriate bedtimes - and low-carb diet, AND constant praise for good behavior. U have to go out of your way to find it some days. it DOES start working.
I have ADD too so if I get off my diet i am a wreck (like today) and yelling the entire day. everything irritates me. With DS who is also ADD< i am convinced the diet will work for him it is just so unlike our society to eat this way that makes it SO hard. Everyone thinks u are weird if u dont let your kids have juice boxes.
When my kids have been up late the day before it makes everything worse and they are fighting ALL DAY.
Low-carb, high protein, almost no sugar/limited fruit is the only thing that works and snacks often. Excersise for me, but i think my kiddos get enough running around the house. LOL
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Old 02-20-2009, 10:46 AM   #4
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Re: At my whits end with daughter who has ADD and ODD

Thanks for the advice mama....I've heard a lot about altering their diets as part of treatment. I've also read recently that omega 3's are good as well. Do you have any experience with whether or not that helps?
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Old 02-20-2009, 11:42 AM   #5
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Re: At my whits end with daughter who has ADD and ODD

Omega 3's are really important, I know but we dont really keep track. We just use olive oil a lot and olive oil spread and try to eat fish 2, 3x per week. (tunafish counts)
Many people will tell u altering the diet doesnt work but u really have to do it for 2 wks straight to get results. and it will seem like it isnt working because it is hard to get kids to eat, let alone eat something new.
Many people also dont know what low-carb diet means - u have to eat many whole grains (but not a lot at once) and lower the sugar content (even fruit) - like only 1/2 a banana at a time for me - and then raise the frequency of snacks, because when u are eating mainly protein and veggies u do get hungry often. This is what is hard for me to remember!

Like for example, last night we had turkey tenderloins cooked in the crockpot (my favorite way to cook meat) and steamed veggies (not corn) and crescent rolls, but the we could only have the rolls after eating a small plate of food. The crescent was the "carb" but we have to have the kids eat the meat first or they wont do it. It does work but probably sounds extreme to some people. .

but u also have to find what works for your child and that is tricky, It's just my opinion, though!
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Old 04-04-2009, 03:14 PM   #6
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Re: At my whits end with daughter who has ADD and ODD

http://www.oneaddplace.com/add-diet.php

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Old 04-06-2009, 09:38 PM   #7
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Re: At my whits end with daughter who has ADD and ODD

hi, mama, I was just re-reading this post again.
Can u work something out with her dad so he can get one on one time with her as well? that;s so important, so having just the time with the son is going to make things much worse.
For requests not done, we do 1-2-3 magic and it is working. There is a book on it - check it out. http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/AS.../chrisficti-20
We take away a favorite toy or u can take away priviledges for older children.
We really try not to get roped up in the anger or emotion that the child is showing. My DS now has ODD and it helps if we stay calm. I try to remind myself that it is normal for kids to be this way,. its just the way some kids are going to act. they are going to get angry, annoyed, frustrated, etc. So we just have to show them how to deal with it. If ODS does something outright, like kick the dog for no reason(not that u need a reason!)
He gets sent to his room. There is no computer/ TV in his room, BTW.
Just be consistent. give reasonable punishments but dont be too quick to react. give them some time to comply with your requests. try to give them choices from day to day. Also try to notice the good things they are doing and they will become more common. HTH - let me know how it is going...
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Old 04-07-2009, 09:29 AM   #8
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Re: At my whits end with daughter who has ADD and ODD

Thanks for all the help. She is doing a bit better. Dad is seeing her more and she talks to him on the phone almost on a daily basis. They also have some one on one time too. She also got a dog, which sounds so silly as an answer to the problem, but she thought that it would help her not get so angry all the time and oddly enough it has. I am having more patience with her as well. We are in the beginning stages of changing our diets, but we are doing it slow as my kids are probably what most would consider junk food junkies...lol. I do 1-2-3 with my kids but probably not as suggested in the book. I have tried taking things away but she just doesn't care about that, that or she does but acts as if she doesn't. Anyhow, for the moment she is doing better here at home and a bit better in school. Thanks for all the help mama's. It's always nice to get an outside point of view since us parents get more wrapped up in the emotion of it all and don't always look at it logically. Atleast that is how I am...
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Old 04-08-2009, 10:01 PM   #9
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Re: At my whits end with daughter who has ADD and ODD

Just saw this thread and thought I'd recommend a great book by Dr. Ray Levy entitled "Try and Make Me." I heard him speak at one of my psychology conferences and he was excellent. I think the book sells for about $10. I've given it to many of my parents of ODD children and they found it useful. I'm glad to hear you've seen some improvement already. I think that's a great sign!
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Old 04-09-2009, 07:24 AM   #10
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Re: At my whits end with daughter who has ADD and ODD

I will definitely look at that book. She is starting counseling too and I am optimistic that that will help. I think a lot of her anger and aggression is coming from the fact that we moved recently and she is not fitting in at school as well as she would have liked and in turn is making friends with the wrong kids and getting in to trouble. The counselor feels that maybe she is so frustrated at school that she is coming home and taking it out on us. So, hopefully getting her in with a good counselor and trying to work through the problems at school will help. I will definitely check out that book though Thanks again to all the mama's offering advice and input.
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