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Old 03-07-2009, 12:17 PM   #1
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SAHM's questions on splitting household responsibilities

I have just resigned from my job & am in the process of sorting out my new role as SAHM. If you are a SAHM, I'm curious about the ways you put value on your job (full time mom being the job). DH I know recognizes my new job as full time, but I get the feeling that he puts more value on his job because now he is THE breadwinner. In a way I agree his job has more value because without him I'd be working.

I'm also curious do you pick up most of the housework load even on weekends thinking that because DH earns the $, he's entitled to have a bit more off time. OR do you both share responsibilities on the weekend?

How do you split household responsibilities when your DH works & you are a SAHM?


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Old 03-07-2009, 12:29 PM   #2
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Re: SAHM's questions on splitting household responsibilities

This is what currently works for our family.

My DH is in a unique work situation. He works Monday, Thursday and Saturday. Then we care for my disabled sister every night (DH picks her up and drops her off at my moms). So, right now he is home more than most full time employed people.

I take care of most of the kids needs and household chores. If I need help with dishes or diapers DH is more than willing to help. But I try to do all the laundry, etc. I always sweep and mop.

DH does maintanence around the house and is currently remodeling one of the rooms in our house. He is also trying to study for the nursing exam and build his practice. In the summer he does the lawn care.

Every once in awhile the house and bathrooms need a good cleaning and I get the whole family to work on it together. It goes so much faster!
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Old 03-07-2009, 12:54 PM   #3
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Re: SAHM's questions on splitting household responsibilities

At our house I am in charge of laundry, dishes, cooking, childcare, & errands. DH is in charge of bill paying, cat litter box cleaning, putting out the trash on trash day. That being said DH will help with all my duties but I try to give him some down time too. Sat morning DH will let me sleep in and Sat afternoon DH gets a nap. DH also helps with the kids every night, on weekends, and while I go grocery shopping (although this tends to be after they are in bed LOL).
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Old 03-07-2009, 01:46 PM   #4
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Re: SAHM's questions on splitting household responsibilities

This is what we do:
My DH works M-F, gets up and leaves before we wake up, and is home anywhere from 4-4:30 PM.
I am in charge of: the morning routine every day, anything that has to do with school (paperwork, lunches, lunch cards, book bags), any appointments (making and keeping them), all the laundry, the dishes, the day-to-day cleaning, and ANYTHING that has to do with the baby. I also do the grocery shopping.

DH does: the garbage, any house maintenance or fixing, any car maintenance or fixing, the lawn cutting.

DH WILL help with cleaning, if I ask him... he's more of a "CLEAN" cleaning person, where I am more of the pick-it-all-up over and over again kind of cleaning person. He's gets it really clean and then I try to maintain it!!!

Dinner is my responsibility but he will step up and help too.

Also, we split kid dutied... scouts, sports, etc.

I also do church with the kids, and any school activities.

Does this help? I hate being the cleaning lady, I'd rather just be mom, but it's just not possible. I also hate being the only one here to discipline before DH gets home but what can you do??

OH-- and I NEVER get to sleep in... I do night-time feedings of the baby,and I always get up with the kids. DH thinks he should sleep in because he gets up everyday and "works" and I sleep longer, even though it's about 15 minutes! He will forever think his job is harder because it's manual. UGH!
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Old 03-07-2009, 02:34 PM   #5
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Re: SAHM's questions on splitting household responsibilities

Okay, so I'll address the value of your job. Yes, my DH does make the $$ and without it I wouldn't be able to stay at home and we would be homeless. However, that does not make your job any less important. I see it as different but equal. I'm raising the next generation and I'm raising our family heirs with the morals and values our family holds. If I don't do that, who will? Without DH, we would be homeless and without me, our family would be a mess (and I don't mean messy). So, who's job is more important? Neither. DH provides for our family's material needs and I provide for their immaterial needs. Make sense? Your job is just as important as his, but sometimes it's hard to get the DH to see it.

We split up the duties like this: I'm in charge of the "inside" household duties. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, taking care of the kids (and bills in our case). He's in charge of the "outside" household duties. Lawn care, trash, cars, any repairs or Mr. Fix it type things. Defintially though, we both help each other out at times and their are exceptions. It's his job to do dishes after dinner and basically anytime he's home it's his job. He cleans the litter boxes. He often cooks breakfast on the weekends. When laudry backs up, he does it for me (but he won't fold). We both run errands, but mostly I do it so we can have family time on the weekends. He works 6 days a week and we don't want to have our 1 family day spent on chores/errands. You'll just have to talk about it and discover what will work for you. IMO, a SAHM is about more than taking care of the kids. It's about taking care of the family as a whole and that includes the house/chores too. But, that doesn't mean he does nothing.
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Old 03-07-2009, 02:50 PM   #6
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Re: SAHM's questions on splitting household responsibilities

Before I was put on bedrest, everything in the house was mine (laundry, dishes, cleaning, cooking, etc...), grocery shopping, any appts., etc...., everything outside the house (mowing the lawn, fixing/maintance on a vehicle, and the garbage) is his. Unfortunally there have been many fights since I have been a SAHM over money issues and responsibilities and how my "job" doesn't bring home the cash.

After I got put onto bedrest, he has the responsibility of it all (midwife said no cleaning, cooking, housework get up to potty and to grab a quick bite to eat for myself and our daughter). We're on week 5 of bedrest with 4 more to go to get me to 37 weeks, my husband, now having to do it all, realizes that just staying at home isn't just fun and games and there is a lot of responsibility to it, paycheck or not. We have hired a Antepartum Doula that is coming out for a couple of hours a week to help out with basic cleaning stuff (like folding and putting up the laundry that he won't do - I will fold it, but he won't put it up so it gets unfolded by our beautiful 3.5 year old , just basic maintance stuff around the house that I know he doesn't have time or the want to get to that still has to be done). He's also had to take over any doctor appts. for our daughter aswell, including taking me to the midwifes which we're now to once a week due to monitering my blood pressure, and the grocery shopping (which I think is funny because he would gripe I spend too much at the grocery store, well he is worse than I am ).

I do see a difference on how he approaches household chores now, I think after this experiance with he, he'll have a lot more respect on what goes on to keep the household going without all the flack of me not earning a paycheck for it.
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Old 03-07-2009, 03:21 PM   #7
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Re: SAHM's questions on splitting household responsibilities

My dh leaves home at 2pm and comes home at 11;45pm. He takes care of our boy at night if he needs it and gets up with him in the morning. He fixes breakfast and feeds DS. Then he usually goes outside and takes care of any yard work, car repairs and maintenance, and any household maintenance that needs doing. If it's good weather he takes DS out with him. If he runs errands he usually takes DS with him. On some of his days off he works a 2nd job.

I do the cleaning of the house and the care of our clothes. We share grocery shopping and some of the other cooking of meals.

We're both pretty satisfied with how things are.
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Old 03-07-2009, 03:53 PM   #8
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Re: SAHM's questions on splitting household responsibilities

I ask DH to a chore or two a day. They are small. That's it.
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Old 03-07-2009, 04:13 PM   #9
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Re: SAHM's questions on splitting household responsibilities

My DH does all of the car repair, lawn maintenance, trash, house repairs and child care from 6am-7:30am or so. I do everything else, including bill paying. We both go grocery shopping but I plan and budget it.
If your DH doesn't think you do anything b/c you don't make money then make him pay you. Look up local child care rates, house cleaning service rates, etc. I know that if I was getting paid for my work, I could make more than DH.
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Old 03-07-2009, 06:06 PM   #10
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Re: SAHM's questions on splitting household responsibilities

For us, it is basically split into my duties deal with the inside of the house and his deal with the outside and the vehicles. I do the cleaning, the laundry, the cooking, the checkbook, the schooling (we have two being homeschooled right now), diapers, etc. He does yard maintenance (including the wood for the wood stove heat) and the vehicle maintenance. I work part time, but it is after DH gets home, and only twice a week. On those nights he puts the kids to bed, and about half the time he fixes dinner for them -- the other half I'll fix things earlier, like spaghetti or soup. Usually I sleep in on Saturdays and he sleeps in on Sundays, as I have to be to church early to teach Sunday School. But nights when we're both home he will help out if I need him to. He does not have a problem changing diapers or playing with the kids or whatever. And if I need space he'll take the kids for a few hours and do something with them.
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