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Old 03-07-2009, 07:54 PM   #11
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Re: SAHM's questions on splitting household responsibilities

When I was a SAHP I did all the household work. I considered that to be my job and the parenting to be both of ours. I decided that it was more important for DH to spend his free time with the kids than cleaning. I didn't find it that hard to spend an hour or 2 during the day taking care of the cleaning/cooking. Heck DS2 spent most of the time in a mei tai.

DH never treated me like a servant, he always picked up after himself and said thank you.


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Old 03-09-2009, 08:34 AM   #12
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Re: SAHM's questions on splitting household responsibilities

DH and I pretty much split things equally. He's happy to help with whatever needs done, including cooking, cleaning, or holding the baby. As the baby gets older and is happier to entertain himself for a bit at a stretch I am hoping to take care of more during the day so that we can just enjoy ourselves at night and he can get more of a rest. My mom comes down some days to watch the baby so I can catch up on more of my chores. DH never gives me a hard time about not bringing in an income because he knows and agrees that me being home with the baby saves us a bunch of money and is important to raise him the way we want him raised. I was working when I got pregnant and we did the math and found out that I'd be bringing home very little and things would be crazier if I was working, so maybe that helps. I stayed home for a while before we had kids before we moved here, though, so I think he's just really good about it. He likes being the provider. When I stayed home before I pretty much did everything during the day so we only had the dishes at night to worry about and we were able to really enjoy being together when he was home. Our marriage is good now, but it was better then because we could spend so much quality stress-free time together. There are other things that add to the quality of life besides money.

The baby travels well, so I'm able to get pretty much all of the shopping done during the day so that frees up a lot of time for us on Saturday to do other stuff. I really look forward to the day when I'll be able to get everything taken care of during the week and we can just relax and have fun on the weekends again. Maybe later this year it will happen.

Best wishes to you. I hope your DH can come to understand how important what you do is and the benefits.
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Old 03-09-2009, 08:55 AM   #13
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Re: SAHM's questions on splitting household responsibilities

I pretty much do all the housework and laundry and such and most things for the kids since I am here. DH does everything outside and takes care of his "man town" in our downstairs. He also helps clean up after dinner and such he mops the floors. My DH works 2 jobs so he doesn't do too much at home. He also has time to himself as well and plays in a band so it isn't that bad. He helps more around the house when I give him his time and don't nag or complain. A nice "honey can you please give the kids a bath?" has a much better response than "I always do baths it would be nice if someone would help me " in my experience LOL
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Old 03-09-2009, 09:44 AM   #14
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Re: SAHM's questions on splitting household responsibilities

DH works and I do basically everything else. He does get up with the baby on Sat and Sun mornings and lets me sleep until 930. Which I LOVE!! If I ask him to do something, he will do it, but I think men know sometimes you give up on asking and just do it yourself. I think they make us ask on purpose. Sigh.
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Old 03-09-2009, 12:01 PM   #15
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Re: SAHM's questions on splitting household responsibilities

I'm in charge of everything around here. All child care, doctor appointments, bill paying, and household things are my responsibility. I do make the kids do chores though. If I didn't, I'd have to do it all myself. Even on weekends or other days off, my dh feels like it's his "day off" and he shouldn't have to do anything, including taking care of kids. I get one or two "days off" per year. But if I have a nursing baby at the time, I have to take them with me. I get up at 6 every weekday and whenever the kids get up on the weekends, usually 7ish. I go to bed exhausted at 10-11. All night awakenings are mine. And my dh just doesn't understand why I'm so tired. Having said all that...I'm very happy with my life. Would I like my dh to do more? Sure. Do I expect him to? Not really. This is the life I signed up for by having 7 kids. And they are worth it all.
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Old 03-09-2009, 12:12 PM   #16
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Re: SAHM's questions on splitting household responsibilities

I'm a SAHD, so my experiences are perhaps a bit different. From the beginning of our marriage, I have done most of the cooking/cleaning, etc around our home; i like it, for the most part, and don't mind our arrangement. When i need extra help, i ask, and she pitches in without complaint. In terms of household responsibilities, I manage all outside stuff (brush clearing, composting, lawn/garden care, snow removal, etc.); pay all bills/manage household finances; do 99% of the cooking; laundry; take out the trash; 85% of daily cleaning, including sweeping, vacuuming, mopping, dishes, bathrooms, etc.

My wife leaves the house sometime btw 6:30 and 7 am and is home by 4:30 at the latest. She keeps both kids occupied in the late afternoons while i make dinner, and will sometimes do the dishes after dinner. In the mornings, she'll fold a load of laundry or do any dishes left from the night before.

That said, in the summer when she works fewer hours, she contributes a lot more to cleaning/household maintenance.

In terms of valuing our separate contributions to the family, my wife definitely values what i do, and recognizes that, on most days, my job is harder/more taxing than hers. I love being at home with my children and hated the rat-race.
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Old 03-09-2009, 03:18 PM   #17
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Re: SAHM's questions on splitting household responsibilities

I do most of the errands, appts, cooking, cleaning, laundry, vaccuming, dishes, bills, etc.

DH does the litter, trash, and grass/yard. If I ask him to do something he does it, but I'm "in charge" of distributing the chores. He does put the kids to bed every night and he's in charge of bath time too.

I always tell DH that my JOB is being a STAY AT HOME MOM, not a maid...the kids come FIRST and everything else is a bonus, he totally 100% agrees!
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Old 03-09-2009, 03:25 PM   #18
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Re: SAHM's questions on splitting household responsibilities

I haven't read the other posts, but here's my take and how it works in our house.

DH's job has more monetary value. I mean, without his VERY hard work, I wouldn't be able to stay home. My "job" has more intrinsic value; I'm raising our children!! Without my VERY hard work, he wouldn't have something so precious to work "for." Each role is equally important, but totally different.

Now, I do not view staying home with my kids as a job, per se, but rather a responsibility and an honor. The housework... that is a job. And I do almost all of it happily! (Okay, sometimes not so happily, but I try my best ) My hubby works hard all day long and often comes home, eats dinner with us, then leaves again to work ANOTHER job just so that I can stay home and raise our babies. I completely respect and honor what he does for us. With what little free time he has, I don't want to bog him down with chores. There are some things that he does without me asking him, and he will definitely help out with house stuff in certain situations.
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Old 03-09-2009, 03:25 PM   #19
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Re: SAHM's questions on splitting household responsibilities

Hehe.. I'm going to forward this to my DH. He says he wants us to switch after baby is weaned. I'm not entirely convinced he realizes how much work he'll have to do if he stays home.
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Old 03-09-2009, 03:48 PM   #20
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Re: SAHM's questions on splitting household responsibilities

basically, DH thinks that because he works that's all he has to do. He does do things like take the garbage out, clean up dog poo, cut the grass, shovel the drive... the "man chores" that get done once in a while, but the daily tasks he leaves up to me. now that we have DS, he still expects me to do the same and take care of DS all the time. he'll play with him or change a diaper only when I specifically ask him to.

we argue about it. he says he works all day. i tell him i work all day too, and that I would love to only work a set number of hours and then have the evenings off!!

from my experience MOST men figure that if a wife stays at home, they're off the hook for household duties.
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