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Old 03-09-2009, 02:55 PM   #21
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Re: SAHM's questions on splitting household responsibilities

We have two systems for weekends. Either we take weekends off to enjoy family time (dishes still get done, usually by whoever didn't cook that night) or we have family cleaning day and really take the house to task on Saturday morning and spend several hours really cleaning. It could be done in two hours usually, but it takes longer when DS decides to "help" or DD needs to eat. A nice even split usually, because DH recognizes that I could use a break from the cleaning after all week with the chores, and because I recognize that DH could use a break from having to go-go-go after all week at work.

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Old 03-09-2009, 03:01 PM   #22
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Re: SAHM's questions on splitting household responsibilities

About the only things I ask DH to do around the house are: Cleaning with household chemicals (bathrooms), helping fold laundry / put away, trash, recycles and help with our apartment cleaning week.

Otherwise he empties the dishwasher or loads... I do everything else, including cooking/baking etc...
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Old 03-09-2009, 11:01 PM   #23
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Re: SAHM's questions on splitting household responsibilities

I love my DH.. with that said - he sadly thinks that hes job is working and my job is everything else.. He pays the bills and thats IT! If things dont get done i get to it when i can. He never cleans up toys or does the dishes...
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Old 03-10-2009, 02:57 AM   #24
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Re: SAHM's questions on splitting household responsibilities

Our situation is a bit reversed here, at my husband is the SAH and I work full time. I definitely see the SAH as the more important and difficult job, and this was before we decided who would do it. We split household duties pretty equally, I do dishes, cooking, cleaning bathroom. He does laundry, bills, yard work. We split vacuuming, dusting, those kinds of things. It took us probably about half a year to find the right balance, though.
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Old 03-10-2009, 04:51 AM   #25
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Re: SAHM's questions on splitting household responsibilities

Dh chores: bills, taking garbage to the curb and bring back containers to the house, mowing, general clean up of outside, help take care of kids.
My chores: everything else!

He will clean up things if he thinks it needs to be clean but it's sporadic. He does play with ds1 a lot b/c I have 2 other ones to tend to. He will take dirty clothes to the basement once in a while too. The mowing was my job till this past summer when I was told not to b/c I was pregnant and have a heart problem (not life threatening) but this summer it's my time to mow again! I love to mow and weed eat the lawn!
When he was home for 4 weeks after the twins were born, he did a lot more but since he went back to work, he doesn't do anything anymore except for his chores.
So no we don't "split" the household responsibilities as I do 99% of everything around here.
I will say that I am blessed that my dh works hard so I can stay home with our dc.
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Old 03-10-2009, 06:50 AM   #26
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Re: SAHM's questions on splitting household responsibilities

We've done things differently at different stages of our marriage (depending on the ages of the kids and if I worked part-time or not...) however right now I incorporate all of the housework into my schedule for the week. I do several loads of laundry during the day while the kids play around me. I do the dishes at least 2x a day most days. I cook and bake randomly throughout the day. I vacuum and sweep probably 2x a week. I usually focus on one room a day to declutter. I do this while the kids are playing in the same room or in the toy room - together. I also let DS2 watch some educational tv. I didn't see the ages of our kids -- but mine are 6, 4, 1 and the oldest is in school. It has become easier for me as they have gotten older to keep up with a good cleaning schedule. I'm not overwhelmed because I stick to this schedule. My husband drives 2 hours total each day to and from work and is working a full-day, too. He pays the bills and takes care of the garage, trash and car maintenance. I feel like he holds up his end of the deal -- and mine is a bit more involved because I'm home all the time and can do more around here and feel compentant doing it. This isn't to say that he doesn't do the dishes on the weekends -- or makes us a full breakfast on Sundays. He will help around the house but it was our agreement that I would do most of the housework...
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Old 03-10-2009, 07:39 AM   #27
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Re: SAHM's questions on splitting household responsibilities

Let me preface this by saying that being a SAHM is a 24 hours a day 7 days a week 365 days a year kind of "job." Not only do we not get paid in money, we NEVER really, truly get time off. We are ALWAYS "on call" even if all the kids are in bed and the house is pristine. (Like that ever happens!)

In our case, we have three LOs-an almost 7yo, a 22.5 mo, and an 8 mo.
I am responsible for:
-all meals
-all grocery shopping
-all clothing shopping (except for DH's outer clothes and shoes-I can do socks and undies)
-decluttering
-dusting
-laundry
-setting and maintaining the sleep schedules
-monitoring school/homework
-nursing the baby
-washing and shaving the wool
-buying the diapers
-dry cleaning (which is really kind of silly since it's on his way to and from work but it makes him feel loved and cared for so I do it)

DH is responsible for:
-cleaning up after dinner (he has this thing about loading the dishwasher the "right way" so I let him handle it! I make some grandious messes, but he happily takes care of them)
-taking our the garbage and recycle with the help of our 7yo
-most of the yard work (I do the flower beds and landscape planning/purchasing)
-the garage/basement
-his closet
-the fireplace and anything related to it

Responsibilities we share or tag-team:
-bathing the kids and putting them to bed
-vacuuming (someone has to hang out with the kids while the other vacuums)
-moving the diapers from washer to dryer at night (one of us is always holding the baby at night so whoever is free gets to move the diapers-sometimes DH even starts them for me)
-diaper duty
-paying bills (everything is joint but he makes sure he sends in certain payments while I send in the utility bills)
-just about anything child related from rocking the baby to sleep to reading with the kids to putting them to bed to giving them medicine when they are sick to playing with them to calming an upset toddler

DH realizes that it takes a lot of time and energy to take care of our little brood and HE wants to be able to put them to bed at night and then spend some time relaxing with ME instead of sitting in front of the TV/computer/book of the week while I go do housework. I love him.
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Old 03-10-2009, 07:51 AM   #28
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Re: SAHM's questions on splitting household responsibilities

This was a sticky issue for us when we had our first child and I was at home.

During the week, DH shares in the housework and taking care of the kids. During the week, I of course, am in charge of the kids. Depending on the night DH might help with tubtime and bedtime. I do most of the cooking, DH does most of the cleaning (I HATE cleaning). I do most of the shopping, except when we go to BJs or the farm (where we load up on dairy, eggs, etc.) Then DH comes with to help me carry everything and manage the kids. I do the laundry b/c DH hates it. DH handles the dry cleaning. DH takes care of the house and lawn. He also does the garbage and recycling. We share taking care of the dogs.

On the weekends we each get one day to sleep in. We share responsibilities with the kids. I still do most of the cooking, and he still does most of the cleaning.

When we first had kids, DH felt like when he came home from work, he should get a free pass. He worked all day, he wants to relax at night. My argument was I worked all day too. He didn't believe me until I went away for the weekend with my girlfriends and left him with DS. He then saw all I did all day. Over time what I do has changed, but I am still busy. I handle all of DS' therapies, doctors, hospital, and insurance things. That is very tricky and also very time consuming. Once he realized I wasn't goofing around all day, he was much more willing to pitch in at night.
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Old 03-10-2009, 08:21 AM   #29
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Re: SAHM's questions on splitting household responsibilities

I'm very VERY thankful for my DH. He helps a ton. I do household cleaning (although I do occasionally make him do the toilets - that's HIS mess!), daily dishes, all the laundry, bill paying, appointments (although he'll come along if he's able to), cooking (he grills and occasionally cooks - he's good too!), and he comes with me to grocery shop sometimes but I do the planning, lists, and budgeting.

He does the trash (although I have to follow him around the house and replace the trash bags), lawn maintenance, vehicle work, litter boxes, and the dinner dishes. He bathes DD and puts on her pjs and he'll change a diaper anytime I ask. He gets up with her most sunday mornings and lets me rest - I get up with her most saturdays. he has no problem pitching in and helping me out if I ask him to, although sometimes I get grumbling if there's a fun project he'd rather be working on.

I could not do it without him.
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Old 03-11-2009, 03:01 AM   #30
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Re: SAHM's questions on splitting household responsibilities

Quote:
Originally Posted by jac1976 View Post
...When we first had kids, DH felt like when he came home from work, he should get a free pass. He worked all day, he wants to relax at night. My argument was I worked all day too. He didn't believe me until I went away for the weekend with my girlfriends and left him with DS. He then saw all I did all day. Over time what I do has changed, but I am still busy..
Ack! That is what happened with us! I went to my MIL and let him stay home with a 6 month old, very active, crawling everywhere/clingy baby.

He has semi gotten the picture, but still says some days I stay home and do nothing. Yeah there are days I feel really crappy and I stay in bed, but they are really rare. I usually at least do laundry those days.

I'm so sore from replanting veggies and moving planters and dirt that I could do nothing today, but the diaper laundry is calling my name...
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