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Old 03-10-2009, 02:49 PM   #1
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A preemie vent

Okay, this is going to be a vent because I know there are parents of preemies on this board who will get it -

I'm having a baby shower tomorrow - the shower I was suppose to have before our girl decided to come early. People keep asking me if I'm going to bring the baby or they tell me they can't wait to see her at the shower. Z is not even 7wks old yet and was born a low birth weight baby 5wks early. She was officially due just 11 days ago and just now weights 6 1/2lbs. My shower is to be held at a high school, after school lets out yes, but the ppl that will be there all work at the high school (who's student population is 2,500). And, this is still flu/RSV season.

How in the world can my friends think I will bring my baby to the shower?! I actually asked to have the shower at the end of the school yr instead so I could bring her to show her off but it was hinted that ppl had already bought things that I could use now. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate very much my co-workers doing this for me. I'm just getting tired of them expecting me to bring a not yet 7-wk old 6 1/2lb 5wk premature baby out in flu/RSV season.

You parents of preemies get this, right?

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Old 03-10-2009, 02:52 PM   #2
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Re: A preemie vent

mama, I don't have a preemie but it's common sense to not bring a brand new baby regardless of gestational age at birth to a germ infested area.
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Old 03-10-2009, 03:13 PM   #3
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Re: A preemie vent

My daughter was born 6 weeks early, I called and told my friend due to her health and such (and not knowing how long the NICU stay was going to be) to please cancel the shower, she did and didn't have a problem with doing so, and everyone understood (and if they didn't I didn't hear anything about it). I know that sounds harsh, but in all honesty, I didn't want to be pressured into bringing her to it and also even if I went alone, I didn't want to risk catching something myself and bringing it home. We were at the very start of RSV and Flu season here and were told by the doctors to stay at home, strongly limit visitors (their recommendations were 2-3 a week and if anyone showed any signs of being sick to not let them in the house) and really only get out for doctors appts and if we had to go to the hospital. Even when we went to the hospital & doctors, they put us in a seperate room on arrival away from all the other kids (she was sent home with a apnea/cardiac moniter and loads of medications), so even the hospital & her pedi took percautions for her without our asking.

to you, I'm sorry your having to face this, your friends should understand, you've already been through a lot and the last thing you need is to be pressured into doing something you don't feel comfortable with for your family.
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Old 03-10-2009, 03:21 PM   #4
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Re: A preemie vent

Some people are so clueless. Sorry you're having to deal with this in addition to the stress of having a preemie. Hope it all works out.
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Old 03-10-2009, 04:26 PM   #5
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Re: A preemie vent

So I had a similar thing happen with my 1st (my 34 weeker). He came before my shower. But he was always a really healthy baby.

We went ahead and he the shower - but we had it at my house with my close friends. My school shower (I'm a teacher) we waited a couple months - he was a preemie so even the little clothes still fit.

I would just talk to people about it. I really didn't even think about it that much (I was so people starved from being on bedrest) so maybe some people are like me and aren't as worried. I figured I was breastfeeding and he had my immunities. That and like I said before he was always really healthy from the start.

Did your babe give the RSV shot? Would that lower the risk?

In the end you need to do what feels right to you. The shower should be really fun and you shouldn't be worried the whole time. That isn't going to be fun for anyone. If you do end up going you could wear her in a carrier that way people can look and not touch.
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Old 03-10-2009, 04:38 PM   #6
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Re: A preemie vent

I'm actually not bringing her to the shower. I made that clear up front to the hosts because I knew ppl would be expecting me to bring her. But sure enough I am getting emails from co-workers saying they can't wait to see her. I'm just telling them that her Pedi has advised us to keep her away from public places until the end of March when flu/rsv season is over. Still I can't believe they would expect me to bring her to the shower!

Believe it or not she didn't qualify to get the RSV vaccine because she had not one of the risk factors except for being born 34wks 6days.
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Old 03-10-2009, 04:44 PM   #7
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Re: A preemie vent

My nephew came early. I postponed my sisters shower so he wouldn't be around a lot of people. We ended up having the shower when he was 11 weeks old. Everyone understood, we didn't pass him around either my sister, my mom, and I were the only ones that held him during the shower. I would either postpone the shower for a little longer, not take her, or bring her and wear her so no one can touch her.
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Old 03-10-2009, 05:23 PM   #8
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Re: A preemie vent

Honey just bring LOTS and LOTS of pictures and your beautiful new mama glow! Be polite, and tell them you could not risk this new little babe getting sick after everything you just went through to help her into this world! People will understand...they really will. Everyone gets excited about a new baby and they are probably just not thinking about the risks before they say "can't wait to see her". Don't be too hard on the ones who have emailed their excitement, I am sure they are very well meaning and would never wish harm or sickness on your baby. And lastly, Congratulations on the safe arrival of your new bundle of joy!!

Have a great shower
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Old 03-10-2009, 05:42 PM   #9
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Re: A preemie vent

I totally understand! I brought around a book of dd that had week by week photos. People loved it!

Hugs.
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Old 03-10-2009, 05:49 PM   #10
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Re: A preemie vent

A lot of people just don't get it... their expectations are based on the healthy big babies they see born on tv shows (that aren't even newborns in real life!), and they don't get reality, especially with preemies. I'm sure this is only the beginning for you; you are constantly going to be aggravated by people's ignorance regarding preemie issues (health stuff, size, etc.) Trust me, I'm speaking from experience!

Plan to bring lots of pictures so you can still show off your sweetie. When you get asked (a hundred times) why you won't/didn't bring the baby, just give a quick answer of, "She's a preemie and shouldn't be in crowds" or something.

It gets annoying, but just remember they have good intentions, they are excited, and they just really thinking about the situation!
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