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Old 03-20-2009, 10:53 AM   #1
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Arrow "done" or "not done"?? LONNGG......

I am really struggling with this right now. I have three boys aged 6, 3, and 15 months. Life is busy and the kids are getting bigger. Our oldest is a helper and a very easy going child. Middle is more of a handful and takes A LOT of work every day, but he is super smart. Little is just starting to get the hang of independence, still nursing, great sleeper! DH says he thinks he is done and has mentioned to me in passing, not a big convo, that he wants to have a vasectomy. This makes me very confused.

For a little TMI, I get preggo a little too easily. We have not planned any pregnancy in fact were using a few different methods of BC when kiddos were concieved. Now, its a blessing but, can be a pain to have to worry about. Since having YDS, we have been using condoms religiously and have had no scares. I am not ready for another right now. Also, DH is set to deploy in Oct to Iraq so now isnt a good time anyway. We are 25 and 26 and even though things seem kinda tight right now, we are so young! What if in 3 years things are better and we want another and cant because he rushed off to the uro a little too soon? I know he is tired of using condoms but this??? I am not a good candidate for an IUD, which I would glady use, because I have had three c/s and have pretty severe uterine scarring from one being emergency. The gyno is concerned of rupture. On the other hand, I am stil BF and plan to until his 2nd bday or if he weens before then so the pill isnt much of an option for now. Lastly, DH isnt circumcised and I have had problems in the past with infections being caused by some kind of bacteria. There is no way to know for certain that the bacteria came form him (he has great hygiene practices) but with the wire protruding into the vag from the uterus (IUD) I worry about it being a passageway for a uterine infection. ???

Also, I have heard it said that you KNOW when your done and if your unsure, then your not. Is this true? Can anyone weigh in on this? I am not selfish enough to force another baby on my husband if he's truly done but I think he might be using the vasectomy as a birth control option without truly realizing the permanancy of it. He has mentioned that he is tired of the condoms. (I kinda am too...).

Has anyone had any experience with regret of a vasectomy? My parents were young when we were born and by the time my little brother was born, they were both 22 and in college and struggling financially. He had the vasectomy when my brother was three months old and now, at almost 50, he openly regrets not having another. He says he wishes he could have seen the bigger picture than the money and age. But that at the time, they couldnt risk my mom getting pregnant again. SO, he used it as BC and regrets it.

I am so confused. We will talk about this eventually more seriously but for now, I dont even know where I stand. The only thing I know is that I DONT want him getting this vasectomy. Its so hard to tell if I am feeling upset because I want more or if I am upset at the thought of never experiencing it again. Is this normal? I know I would glady have another....(especially a girll... ) but....ugh. Im rambling.

SO..... weigh in, what are your thoughts?

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Old 03-20-2009, 11:03 AM   #2
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Re: "done" or "not done"?? LONNGG......

I feel ya..I'm only 23 and on my third baby(still preggo)..and while I don't want any more kids after this one for a while, I'm not content to say "I'm done"...I mean I've still got SOO many more years of fertility left and I'd hate to regret it later down the road. My dad had a vasectomy and while I'm not sure my dad regrets it so much(never really asked him), my mom has always been bummed that she didn't have at least 1 or 2 more. I'm another get pregnant pretty easy type of girl and we use condoms, it sucks for the most part, but in the end I'm sure its what we'll keep using till we either decide to have a baby or make things more permanent. To me, if you are 100% sure your done, don't do anything.
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Old 03-20-2009, 11:15 AM   #3
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Re: "done" or "not done"?? LONNGG......

DH and I are D-O-N-E! We absolutely had no doubt in our minds that having anymore was just out of the question, so we chose vasectomy. The thought of buying more newborn stuff, being pregnant, giving birth, worrying about sleeping arrangements, etc does not make me happy or excited at all (to say the least) We are quite happy with our decision. I think you and your DH should sit down and have a nice long convo about what you'd like for the future, regarding children, and go from there.
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Old 03-20-2009, 11:16 AM   #4
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Re: "done" or "not done"?? LONNGG......

We are in pretty much the same boat. Totally not sure what to do because neither of us really wants to do anything permanent but other methods of b/c (hormonal and such) are just not for us..and well let's just say we aren't exactly stellar examples of how to consistently and correctly use condoms. We are only 24 and I'm pregnant with #4...I definitely don't want another any time soon but I'm not going to say that I never want more
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Old 03-20-2009, 11:19 AM   #5
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Re: "done" or "not done"?? LONNGG......

I don't really have any advice, just a

Also, TMI but... I once had an uncircumsized partner and was always getting yeast or bacterial infections from him until I started making him wash with spectrogel before we DTD. Once he started doing that it was fine. Certain people just naturally carry certain bacterias that other people can be sensitive to I guess?
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Old 03-20-2009, 11:29 AM   #6
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Re: "done" or "not done"?? LONNGG......

Quote:
Originally Posted by tummy mommy View Post
I don't really have any advice, just a

Also, TMI but... I once had an uncircumsized partner and was always getting yeast or bacterial infections from him until I started making him wash with spectrogel before we DTD. Once he started doing that it was fine. Certain people just naturally carry certain bacterias that other people can be sensitive to I guess?
Im PMing you....
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Old 03-20-2009, 11:45 AM   #7
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Re: "done" or "not done"?? LONNGG......

Something I would consider, if I were you, is how well your body could handle another pregnancy. You said you had 3 c-sections already and that you had some scarring and the gyno is concerned with the possibility of rupture with an IUD. How do those factors effect a possible future pregnancy?

Would adoption be an option in the future?

For us, it was either we have the possibility of more children or we have the possibility of a strong, sound marriage. We have 3 kids. My husband would've been happy with one, but I wanted more. But when the youngest came along, he said he was done. And I was content with that. I mean, yes, I wouldn't mind having more, but not if it's going to put a strain on my marriage. I don't know if you pray, but I encourage you to go to God with this and encourage your husband to as well. Ask for his guidance and that y'all can come to a decision that you are both at peace with.
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Old 03-20-2009, 01:14 PM   #8
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Re: "done" or "not done"?? LONNGG......

Well this comes from a totally different angle I guess....

We prayed about it and decided after our fourth(yes the fourth)that we felt like God wanted control of this area of our lives. We now have six children, expecting number seven and praying for a vba2c and our first homebirth. Money is tight, but by God's grace he provides. I stay at home and homeschool the children. We did Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University and are out of debt except for our home. All that to say, as the pp said go to God(he sees your future ;-)and your dh who is the spiritual leader of your home. Life is hard and full of decisions, handle it with prayer.

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Old 03-20-2009, 03:45 PM   #9
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Re: "done" or "not done"?? LONNGG......

Good advice mamas.

My gyn is not concerned about a pregnancy. He is concerned about the edging of the IUD (?). As far as my marriage is concerned, not an issue. We have a very solid marriage and we both accept that divorce is not an option. Ever. Like I said, if DH spends some time thinking about it and he truly feels like he is ready, then I would never push for a fourth child. There is something not right about that. About adoption, I think DH would rather do the fostering. He is sweet and a wonderful father, and would be the perfect soft guy to help a kiddo out while they wait for their forever home. But, we are military and I am not sure we are great candidates for this.

As for praying about it, I do. All the time. That God would show me what he wants for my life and for my family. My husband is not a prayer. I would gladly accept lots more but the reality is our finances would suffer. I feel like one more would make me feel complete. Then he could have the vasectomy!

I was just really looking for advice on how to know when your done... Personally, not my DH.
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Old 03-20-2009, 04:08 PM   #10
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Re: "done" or "not done"?? LONNGG......

I would agree that "when you know, you know". After Sterling's birth we knew. I will be doing lots of reading up on NFP to become an expert
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