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Old 03-20-2009, 04:50 PM   #1
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Obese Fat Apron vent.

Ok, this has been on my mind and I need to vent it all out, so I can stop beating myself up.

I currently weigh 294lbs and am 5'10"

I was 17yo when I had my oldest ds and a size 18 and about 185lbs. Gained 19lbs with him. Lost it all at the birth and then put on 20 lbs in the months after.

At 19yo I had my 2nd son. Gained about 21 lbs with him. Lost some after the birth due to BFing and gained an additional 30ish lbs. during that next year.

That put me @ about 225-235lbs where I stayed for about 3yrs. Never really tried hard to loose. I do eat healthy food, raw food, fast food, and junk food. Sometimes a ton and sometimes none.

Then, at 24 I weighed about 240 lbs. and got pregnant with my 3rd son and gained 39 lbs. during that PG. That puts me up to 279 lbs. Holy Moleeee!!!

Finally decided to DO something.... joined WW and lost 33 lbs. in 3 mths, then ooppps I guessed I looked really hot to DH because S~U~R~P~I~S~E we're preggo again. So happy about baby #4, accept scared about gaining all the weight back. Which I did!

After dd was born (I was 27), I stayed around 279 lbs. Started going to the gym and tada!! lost another 30 lbs. in 3 mths!! Stopped going because HSing, and carrying 4 kiddos to the gym 5 days a week was really not practical and I told myself I can do this on my own without the gym. Right?!

Wrong!!! Gained the 30lbs back and tada!!! We're pregnant again with baby #5 and I weigh 279 lbs! Cry!!!

I am now 23 wks pregnant and have gained sooooooo much weight.!!!! Disgusting! I weighed today and am 294 lbs. Please o please, I do not want to go over the 300 lb. mark. I have eaten really well during this pregnancy, but the weight keeps coming and I can't breathe! I've started taking walks, but I tire out so easily. Embarrassing.

The whole thing makes me feel so unattractive, fat, and ugly. I feel like a hypocrit. I whole-heartedly believe in living a natural and healthy lifestyle. I believe food is what leads to a healthy life. Yet, here I am almost 300 lbs!

Worst of all I have a Fat Apron. kwim? Not a after baby pooch, a big ol' apron that hangs! I have this baby belly now (which I love) and this this fat apron that hangs underneath and sits on my legs. I HATE it!!!

While pregnant with ds#2 My ab muscles (from my pubic bone to my belly button) literally split and have never gone back. (He was 10lb 4 oz. after my 6lb 8oz. baby. and every baby since has been at least 10lbs. ) You can feel between the two muscles. I have NO muscle tone down there. Each pregnancy has made them worse. Anyone else have this? What do you do?

I just want to be a healthy weight and not look so disgusting. I want to look like what I strongly believe in.
I wish my DH would tell me how gross he finds me and maybe that would help me loose, but he doesn't. He just says he loves me and it doesn't matter to him. Hph! whatever.
(During our marraige my husband has lost 100+ lbs and gained it back. He yo-yo diets.) I don't agree healthy living is a diet, it's a belief and lifestyle.

Please do not tell me this is just preggo hormones. It's not. Fat is fat no matter pregnant or not. We're not talking a bit over weight. We're talking obese and I hate it!!!!

Here's a pic of me a few weeks ago. Only 16 wks pg and I look 7mths!!!


Here's me in labor with dd and my belly is so low! Still is.

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Old 03-20-2009, 05:09 PM   #2
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Re: Obese Fat Apron vent.

You are beautiful mama! I know its hard because Im overweight myself, and my my hubby topped in at 300lbs and he is only 5'5'' but he has since lost 100 lbs,,,, its a hard struggle but I know after you have this baby you can turn it around. Please dont beat yourself up over it
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Old 03-20-2009, 05:10 PM   #3
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Re: Obese Fat Apron vent.

Mama I have lots to say and will come back, but wanted to send {{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}.
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Old 03-20-2009, 05:21 PM   #4
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Re: Obese Fat Apron vent.

I understand exactly how you are feeling. I still don't understand what happened to my nice 175. I am now about 220 and miserable. I have tried to make the diet changes but it's so hard and I'm terrified to diet because I've either been pregnant or nursing for last 3+ years. I know I should exercise more but I'm just so worn out all the time.

I HATE, HATE, HATE my apron! I know that mine is partially from my c-section but that makes me hate it that much more. I don't know if I'll ever be rid of it even if I do manage to loose the weight.

Just don't give up mama. You are beautiful (obviously since your hubby likes to keep you pregnant! )! Someday your littles will not be so little and you'll finally have some you time to take charge of your life and your weight and get back to the body you want and deserve. Until then just keep doing your best for yourself and your family.
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Old 03-20-2009, 05:41 PM   #5
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Re: Obese Fat Apron vent.

Mama, I can't offer you advice, but I can offer you big hugs and the knowledge that you're not alone. So many women struggle with weight and their appearance. Pregnancy is tough on a body, especially after five kids. Your doctor may be able to offer advice on your split abdominal muscles. I know they can do surgery to help bring these muscles closer together if it's causing problems.

Have you thought of seeing a naturopath? They see your health as body, spirit and mind. A naturopath might be able to help you to live the lifestyle you crave and identify where the gaps are for you currently.

But mama, you have four beautiful kids, another on the way and a husband who loves you no matter what you look like. While I understand how draining and depressing poor self esteem is, don't forget to count your blessings too!
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Old 03-20-2009, 06:11 PM   #6
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Re: Obese Fat Apron vent.

hi mama - I want you to know I struggle w/ the same thoughts feelings as you do - although I don't have the 5 baby excuse only 2

I need to realize that my DH does love me for who I am and not what I look like also.... and you being a follower of Jesus... look to him to comfort you - and guide you to being healthy... He doesn't want you beating yourself up.

sounds like you are a great mama and everyone is lucky to have you in their life...

PM me if you ever want to chat.
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Old 03-20-2009, 07:31 PM   #7
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Re: Obese Fat Apron vent.

I feel ya. I was 160 when I got pg w/ #1 and got up to 232 lbs. 9 mos later I was pg again, this time beginning at 182 lbs and getting up to 240 lbs.
With #3 I was around the same beginning and ending.
I was a surrogate mom, and was 190 after fertility meds and 232 at term.
I delivered that baby in May 08. I am now 201, having gained 9 lbs so far. I am sure I will be 235-240 at delivery and then 6 weeks after delivery, I'm joining WWs again. It really helped me last time.

I know the jiggly parts will still be there, but I like seeing the scale move. You will get there hun!! It takes awhile, but it will happen
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Old 03-20-2009, 08:37 PM   #8
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Re: Obese Fat Apron vent.

Not much advice , just encouragment. I want you to continue to do whats best for baby for now and concentrate on a healthy pregnancy. Many times that means having a healthy diet anyway, even if it doesnt cause you to lose weight.
I am not saying this just to make you feel good but you really are beautiful. A lovely face and your preggo body looks rather normal for what I have seen for women your height too. Focus on healthy lifestyle changes gradually and i wish you all the best.
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Old 03-20-2009, 09:16 PM   #9
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Re: Obese Fat Apron vent.

[QUOTE=wordmama;6690711]

Have you thought of seeing a naturopath?[QUOTE]

NO, but will definitly look into this after baby is born and how it could help. I appreciate the input.

TaraDee: Thx for pointing it back to Jesus. I know this is so true. Somehow we take everyting else to him, but weight seems to be something we want to carry on our own. I will definitly PM you.

MommaRhi: I did love WW when I did it. I love how it teaches you how to eat and live healthy, not drink a special shake or take a pill. I talked to DH about starting again after baby comes and he was totally supportive. Tat really gave me some hope to look forward to. In the meantime till then, I had a very healthy tilapia, brocolli, and grapes dinner tonight instead of the frozen pizza I was gonna make.

jee_jee: Thank you fo the really sweat compliment, even if I don't see it. I've been told that I hold my weight well before. I'm sure that's due to height. It doesn't change the number on the scale and lets admit that 300 lbs. is NOT healthy. But I appreciate the time for you to look past the fat (many don't do that).



I want to live how I feel. I'm just so week. I have struggled with my weight my whole life and it holds me back from doing things that I'd love to be or do. (kayaking, dancing, marathons, cycling, sky diving, etc..) I want to be physically attractive to my DH. Yes, I know he loves me know matter what, but to take care of myself and body completely in order to give him the best that's what I want. Our sex lives have changed so much since we 1st married.
7 yrs ago when we married I was 225 lbs (I already had 2 Lo's) and he weighed 185 lbs (6'3"). We did all sorts of crazy things. Now, I'm a lard-butt and he's weighing in at 340lbs! Yes, we still are active in the bedroom(obviously) and I love being with him, but we can't do many of the positions we use to love. There's just no way. We talk about it too. He says we just gotta eat, excersize better. No duh? Yet, here we are still.

I don't want my children to grow up with me as a model of what she should become weightwise. I want them to see the real me.

Sorry, to go off again. I really appreciate all your encouraging words. I just feel like there is no hope for ever really loosing all this weight and keeping it off for good. My body just likes being FAT!
One day I'll have the apron cut off and prolly would loose 100 lbs right there.
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Old 03-20-2009, 09:31 PM   #10
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Re: Obese Fat Apron vent.

I know exactly how you feel, really I do. I was chub when we married, but size 16, no big deal. Then I gained, then I held on to a bit of weight after each babe and after my 8th arrived I was 274. I could not stand how I felt in my skin. So I lost 63lbs on WW, felt enormously better. We conceived a wee one and lost that baby a week later, then was expecting the next month. After Eiley I was just down 2 pounds below prepreg of 212 when I was surprised, LOL. I had been planning to lose another 55-60 to be at healthy weight for me. I was doing WW after Eiley. It is such an awesome program for me b/c I was just eating more than I needed and lost the idea of what a normal portion was. So after this wee one I will continue my ultimate goal and you can too! BTW I am 16 weeks, 17 on Monday so we could even be WW partners after our babies arrive. I do feel frsustrated at times b/c I felt by next baby I would have lost the fat on my belly and not have fat below belly, but it is all in God's plan.
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