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Old 04-01-2009, 05:08 AM   #1
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Angry Sick of boyfriend thinking I'm picking on his son!

My boyfriend and I have been together almost three years and we have a 4 month old and a 2 year old together. I also have an 8 year old by someone else and he has a 12 year old by someone else. I'm getting tired of him thinking someone is picking on his son just because I say something when I think his son does something wrong. This morning I went downstairs and was shutting down a game that was running on the computer downstairs. I happened to notice the front part of the hard drive the part that opens up was crooked looking like it had been broke, it looked off track. So I went upstairs to ask my boyfriend why does it looks like that and what is wrong with it. So he went downstairs and pushed it over and it wnt back in and now it looks fine. He had the nerve to look at me all crazy and I told him he can look like that all he want I don't care. He said I'm always saying something about his son why would his son be messing with that. I told him why does his son mess with the chair or anything else. His son broke the handle to pump up the seat off the computer chair upstairs. So it wouldn't be a shock if he had broke the drive. His son was the only one on the computer early this morning so how else would the front door of the drive be crooked if someone was opening it up. Just like yesterday I had just bought a liter of pop and his son drunk almost the whole thing up. I said something to him and the boyfriend. I guess he thought I was picking on him there also since he claime the bottle was half full when he went to bed. Which it wasn't because I was the last to go to bed and the bottle was still full. His son stayed up all night on the game on the computer so who else drunk it. I feel like he is too lenient of a parent. He tries to be too nice and one time told me that his mom already is too hard on him so I shouldn't be. I just bought that computer and paid $300 for it and I don't have the money to get it fixed. I'm not about to let my children or any other child just tear up stuff I paid for. He had the nerves one time to say well children are gonna to that. Well that doesn't mean you just make excuses for them or don't discipline them just because a child gonna be a child. A child still needs to learn right from wrong whether there gonna do anyway or not. You don't just sit and let your child do anything and don't do anything about it. His son is 12 years old so he should know right from wrong, it's not like he's 5. I'm the only one in the house with an income so maybe if he was paying out of his pocket he would be more understanding. I guess he feels he's not there enough for his son or feeling guilty for something and feels he should make it up by being his friend and being super nice to him instead of being a parent. His son comes over every weekend and also stays with us when he's out of school or on some type of break. His son is overweight and very lazy and just want to sit on the computer all day everyday and do nothing else. Which doesn't surprise me cause he mother doesn't even make him wash dishes. If his father asks him to wash dishes he whines that its to many dishes. If I take him somewhere he whines about how tired he his and his legs hurting. A 12 year old should not be tired from walking. But I take it his mother does everything for him and doesn't make him do anything. He'll sit all day and wait for you to get off the computer instead of finding something else to do. I've never seen a child that just wants to sit in the house all day on the computer. I don't agree with my boyfriend letting him sit up on the computer all night and morning. My boyfriend stopped him from having drinks at the computer because he was falling alseep at the comp from being up all night and spilling juice all over the computer, keyboard, etc. So I sit on the computer all day ad don't let him get on til 9 at night because of this. He'll ask me to get on and I'll tell him when I'm done. If I didn't sit at the computer all day his son would be on it. He would go from being up all night on the game on the computer downstairs and come upstairs and get on that computer and play a game on that without even going to bed. He'll sit around and watch me on the computer all day instead finding something constructive to do. I find that to be totally insane. Especially for my boyfriend to not even be aware of whats going on with his child and not setting any rules for him. It is good his son lives with his mother and she's strict cause I think he's lacking parenting skills. I think my boyfriend is pretty lazy and irresponsible. I don't pick on his son or treat him any different from my own. But I am not about to give his son any special treatment. It's like he gets mad if I have anything to say to his son like no one can say anything to him. I've spent plenty money on his son and bought him stuff. If I didn't like him I doubt I would buy him anything. I remembr one time I bought two nintendo Ds for him and my son. Paid over $100 for both, I bought his son's a used one from second time around and bought my son a brand new one from gamestop. His son broke his game and I ended up giving him my son's game cause I didn't like how my son wa taking care of his. Well he ened up breaking that game to and claimed he didn't know how it got broke. I said I will never ever buy that boy a game again because he tears up stuff. Then he told me he had sold all the games that go to the Ds I gave him that I paid all that money for. Then had the nerve to say he wanted a brand new one for christmas and his mom finally bought him one. I'm not spending any more money on this kid, as it just goes wasted. He thinks he's gonna get me to pay for some online gaming subsrciption for his birthday in JUly. It's not gonna happen, not with me.

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Old 04-01-2009, 05:22 AM   #2
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Re: Sick of boyfriend thinking I'm picking on his son!

how is your boyfriend with your children together? is he the same way, very easy going or is he more of a parent then a friend to them?
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Old 04-01-2009, 05:26 AM   #3
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Re: Sick of boyfriend thinking I'm picking on his son!

Unfortunately he seems like a easy going parent period even with the kids we have together. But I would say even more with his son. But there's things the kids do that I get mad about and he's not upset at all. It's like he has a very high tolerance level or something. We have totally different parenting styles I see. I guess I also get so frustrated now that we have two babies in the house. The 2 year old is so bad and always getting into stuff and it's like he says nothing at all.

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Old 04-01-2009, 11:15 AM   #4
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Re: Sick of boyfriend thinking I'm picking on his son!

Wow...I am not even sure what to say. I think that all children need love and guidance and to be honest from your post, I don't gather that either of you are giving him that. You seem very resentful towards the child and that alone will cause massive friction between you and his father.
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Old 04-01-2009, 11:28 AM   #5
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Re: Sick of boyfriend thinking I'm picking on his son!

The problem I have is this, when his son does something wrong, he doesn't discipline him or say anything until I say something. Then if I tell my boyfriend to say something to him, he'll tell me to tell him instead of him doing it.
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Old 04-01-2009, 11:32 AM   #6
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Re: Sick of boyfriend thinking I'm picking on his son!

Quote:
Originally Posted by lashon20 View Post
The problem I have is this, when his son does something wrong, he doesn't discipline him or say anything until I say something. Then if I tell my boyfriend to say something to him, he'll tell me to tell him instead of him doing it.
Now this part, I definitely have a problem with. He can't get mad when you try to parent if he chooses to pass off that responsibility to you instead of guiding his son himself.
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Old 04-01-2009, 11:38 AM   #7
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Re: Sick of boyfriend thinking I'm picking on his son!

I'm going to be completely honest with you. It sounds like a horrible mess. It definitely doesn't sound like you see your kids the same as the boy because you constantly refer to him as HIS SON. I'm being honest remember, so I'll tell you when you talk about him, it really sounds like you would rather him not be there at all. Doesn't sound like you like him very much. I can understand not agreeing with what he does- but it sounds like its affecting your perception of HIM, the person, the CHILD.
The other thing I noticed is....it doesn't sound like you and your BF are compatible parents. Counseling might help. It just sounds like you need more than a simple answer. Sounds like mutliple issues need to be discussed with you and BF.

Good luck.
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Old 04-01-2009, 03:05 PM   #8
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Re: Sick of boyfriend thinking I'm picking on his son!

Do you complain about his son more than the other kids? Does he pick up on the fact that you would rather he not be there as much as he is? It sounds like it because you listed here is here *every weekend, after school, etc. It really does not sound like you like him very much... That has to be hard.
Your boyfriend is laid back with all the kids. He has a different parenting style. Perhaps he knows you are not as hard on the others as you are his child? You seem upset at being the one with an income, so I think that might have a portion in the problem as well.
It is hard to blend families, even under the best of circumstances. Relish your boyfriend being calm and laid back. You will appreciate it in the teen years
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Old 04-01-2009, 06:35 PM   #9
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Re: Sick of boyfriend thinking I'm picking on his son!

I don't mean this to be rude, just constructive criticism. I just couldn't read your post. It would be a lot easier broken into a few paragraphs.
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Old 04-01-2009, 06:39 PM   #10
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Re: Sick of boyfriend thinking I'm picking on his son!

As a step child I have to say think seriously about why you call this child "his son" rather than "my step son"
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