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Old 04-10-2009, 07:12 AM   #1
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AP moms - Do you have a date night?

DS is almost 14 months old, and outside of going to the gym a few nights a week while DH is watching him, I have never been away from him. He has never been in anyone else's care besides me or DH.

Anyway,
I REALLY miss my husband. We never get any alone time because we cosleep (although I DO love the 10 hours of unbroken sleep). I really want to have just 1 day a month where we go out to dinner or something to just TALK. But I don't have anyone that I can trust with my DS and not only that, just the thought of leaving him somewhere makes DH and I both feel panicky.

Really I would love any advice or suggestions. I don't know what to do. I have so many friends who go out almost every weekend and I just don't see how they do it.

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Old 04-10-2009, 08:42 AM   #2
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Re: AP moms - Do you have a date night?

That sounds like a tough one if you really feel that you have no one that you could trust...I'm subbing to this thread to see what advice other moms have to offer.
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Old 04-10-2009, 09:42 AM   #3
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Re: AP moms - Do you have a date night?

Whats a date?

No seriously, theres plenty of things to do as a family with your ds. Its not the same, but I suppose it never will be.

Some suggestions....

The 3 of you could go for a picnic at the park. Your ds could run around while you guys talk/hang out watching him.

A walk (ds in carrier) at a local park/trail, beach, downtown at night. We do this and Z normally falls asleep or is relatively quiet leaving dh and I free to talk and take our time.

Theres plenty of things that families can do together and still have time to be together and talk, I found the few times we did leave Z with my mom and go out, I didnt have fun. I was miserable, and I missed Z. I felt guilty for leaving him alone. DH and I feel like "our time" is now "family time" and Z is welcome anytime. We just have to change our plans a little now.

Of course there still is the... putting baby to bed and sneaking downstairs for alone time.
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Old 04-10-2009, 09:53 AM   #4
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Re: AP moms - Do you have a date night?

When we lived near our family, we went on 1-2 dates a month. For us, it is super important to keep that connection as Mandy and Jake and not have to be Mommy and Daddy for awhile, if that makes sense.

Now that we've moved several hours away, we only do date nights when we go to visit family. Well, I should say that's what we did do. We have a new ds now that won't be able to be separated from me for a while.
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Old 04-10-2009, 10:47 AM   #5
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Re: AP moms - Do you have a date night?

Quote:
Originally Posted by emmarleigh View Post
Whats a date?

No seriously, theres plenty of things to do as a family with your ds. Its not the same, but I suppose it never will be.

Some suggestions....

The 3 of you could go for a picnic at the park. Your ds could run around while you guys talk/hang out watching him.

A walk (ds in carrier) at a local park/trail, beach, downtown at night. We do this and Z normally falls asleep or is relatively quiet leaving dh and I free to talk and take our time.

Theres plenty of things that families can do together and still have time to be together and talk, I found the few times we did leave Z with my mom and go out, I didnt have fun. I was miserable, and I missed Z. I felt guilty for leaving him alone. DH and I feel like "our time" is now "family time" and Z is welcome anytime. We just have to change our plans a little now.

Of course there still is the... putting baby to bed and sneaking downstairs for alone time.

Yeah that's mostly what we have been doing for the past year, just family stuff. Which is awesome and all, but they are all pretty much focused on DS, as DH works alot and really wants to focus all the attention on him. We still get to visit a little bit, but I do miss how we used to be around each other before we had a baby. I just feel like we are mostly friends now, so I'm wondering if time away from DS would be better for our marriage. But then I think just like how you said it, We would be worried crazy the whole time and not really have fun.

Maybe we will just have to wait until he starts college. LOL.
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Old 04-10-2009, 12:16 PM   #6
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Re: AP moms - Do you have a date night?

I am thinking that there are a lot of moms here on DS that are in the same boat (me included). I don't know what we would do if we did not have family we trusted close by. Do you have any mom friends that you trust that you could swap babysitting turns with? OR what about hiring a babysitter but not actually leaving the house? Perhaps a "mommy's helper" can just play with the baby in one part of the house while you and dh at least have a nice dinner at the house. It is hard to find time to be husband and wife once the kids come a long but kudos to you for working at a solution versus just giving up entirely. I think that giving your kids a happy mom and dad is a wonderful gift!
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Old 04-10-2009, 01:45 PM   #7
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Re: AP moms - Do you have a date night?

Not on a regular basis, but now that we don't have "babies" anymore (youngest is 2.5 years old), we need to make this happen. I am lucky in that I have about 3-4 friends that are empty-nesters either without grandchildren or with grandchildren that live far away, and they love hanging out with my kids and getting their fix.
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Old 04-10-2009, 01:50 PM   #8
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Re: AP moms - Do you have a date night?

oh yes! MIL watches him once a month or so while we go to a movie. Has been since he was 6 months old or so. While being a mummy is important, so is being a wife, that alone time is really important for our relationship
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Old 04-10-2009, 02:26 PM   #9
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Re: AP moms - Do you have a date night?

Parents should never feel guilty about spending time together without the kids. For some Parents spending some time away from the kids helps make them better Parents. Now I'm not saying leave your child with just anyone and not do a check up on the person to makesure their not some off the wall person who's gonna harm the child/children.


Finding random people that you'd be comfortable leaving your child/children can be hard though just got to do a check up on them get references etc.
Maybe before actually going out have the person come over and spend time with you and your child a few times.
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Old 04-10-2009, 02:59 PM   #10
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Re: AP moms - Do you have a date night?

I hear ya! I don't know if we fall into "AP" or not. We do what's best for our family and baby. But I know I often feel like I never get down time with just myself and DH. We don't co-sleep all the time (but may start soon as we are having serious sleep trouble with our DS) and it is still tough for us.

What helps us is we find a place we can go that we can ALL enjoy. We go to a park where we can watch our 2 y/o run around and we can lay out a blanket with some toys for our 7 mo old and DH and I can enjoy each other's company (between retreiving our 7 mo old and putting him back on the blanket and chasing our 2 yr old ) It's not the best I suppose but it is better than nothing, right?

When I start REALLY needing time with DH, I make a delicious dinner for us, I find a nice program on TV or a nice movie, and we sit and eat dinner while watching something together after the LOs have gone to bed. I know you said you co-sleep, but could you do something like this?

Another suggestion, maybe try something like spending all day one day playing board games together while taking turns taking care of your LO. Going on walks is another really fun activity we enjoy with the kids. Having DS on my back in the carrier and DD in the stroller, DH and I can pay more attention to each other and talk while we walk. It's always nice and we are able to get out and about.

Hope something helped, although I know I'm not the best for advice.
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