Re: Fighting twin toddlers?
My twins are 26 months old and although DS is physically bigger/stronger, DD rules the roost. She constantly takes his toys and used to bite all the time when he tried to hang on to his toys. The biting has lessened, but I do reprimand her every time so I don't know how much that had to do with it.
When they were younger I told DS to hang on tight if he really wanted a toy and she tried to take it. That worked moderately well. Like you I wanted them to learn to sort it out on their own, I did not think it would be good if I refereed all day long. I did not tolerate hurting the other child. If DD bit or hit, I got down on her level, looked her in the eye and told her "we don't bite because it hurts" and then put her somewhere else, even if just a few steps away (sorta like time out).
Now that they are older I try to encourage them to trade. Ideally I would work with DD to find something to trade for what DS has (because it's always her wanting what he has), but the more usual situation is that she has already taken what he had, and he's now crying. Sometimes I take it back from her and tell her "no swiping" but that usually results in both of them crying. So a lot of times what I do is help DS (whose toy got snatched) find an even better toy and then I ask him if he wants to keep that one or trade with his sister. It's hard and it's not fair and it's definitely not perfect, but oftentimes I'm too tired to enforce the rules properly because I just can't face both of them crying/screaming when I know that I can distract DS and then they will both be happy. Anyway good luck mama, I think bottom line is you just try to control for no hurting the other one, and everything else -- well, I'm hoping they'll grow out of everything else or find their own path through it. By and large they are doing that, they are definitely sharing a lot more than they used to.