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04-20-2009, 11:45 PM
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#1 |
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Step Parents/Blended Family Thread ~ Week of 4-21-08
Good morning! This thread is for support for those who are step parents, original parents, parents in a blended family, or other parents in shared custodial situations. Come on in, share, and be ready for lots of hugs!
If you would like to post your "stats," I will copy them and paste them in this post for a quick reference for newbies and all of us who need help keeping everyone straight. Post as much information as you feel comfortable with or feel helps us identify your unique situation. Name: Melissa Screen name: mcpforever Age: 32 Mom: to DS1 4/02 Divorced: 6/03 Remarried: 7/05 Mom: to DD 4/07 and DS2 7/08 Blended living arrangements: DS1 lives with Mommy (me), Stepdaddy, little sister and little brother during the week and spends every other weekend, rotating holidays, and 2 summer weeks with Daddy, Stepmommy, and 2 little brothers. Name: Laura Screen name: Dolphin_Medic Age: 30 Mom: to DD 12/07 Divorced: 11/04 Remarried: 3/07 Stepmom to: DSD 2/05 Blended living arrangements: DD lives with us, SD lives with us every other weekend and her mom the rest of the time. We have her holidays when her mom lets us visit with her and every christmas eve. I have known SD since she was 3 days old. Name: Amy Screen name: BootyGold Age: 32 Step-Mom: to DSS 8/98, DSDs (twins) 7/01 Bio-Mom: to DS 5/07 Married: 9/04 Blended living arrangements: DSS and DSDs live with bio-mom an hr away. DSS and DSDs visit every other/ every third weekend, spring break, 8 weeks in the summer, one week at X-mas. Nameagny SN: Kaylabelle05 Age:29 Mom to: DS, Quinn-9 & DD, Kayla-3 Divorced:4/04 Remarried:07/04 Blended Family Arrangements: We don't have any. DS's father RARELY ever wanted to see him even though we lived 2 miles away from him when DH and I first got together. Then we moved 200 miles away and I had to come up to the same city as ex-h and he STILL didn't want to see him. Since we moved to CA, DS's father NEVER calls to talk to him or ask about him (DS has problems talking on the phone). Name: Stefanie Screen name: kiwi87 Age: 21 Mom to: Olivia 1/07 Divorced: - Remarried: - Stepmommy/Cargiver to: Zoe 6/06 Blended living arrangements: I live with my boyfriend, Quinn, and have primary custody of my DD. Quinn has joint custody with his ex wife, and they have a 2 week on/2 week off visitation schedule. So we have both kids 50% of the time, and just my DD the rest of the time. Name: Karli Screen Name: Sakari Age: 26 Married to DH in 4/07 Bio Mom to: DD born 7/08 StepMom to: DSS age 6 and DSD age 2.75 Blended living arrangements: DH and I get his kids every other weekend, some holidays and 4 weeks in the summer. Currently live in the same town as DH's ex-girlfriend (bio mom of his kids). Name:Jamie Screenname:jmred Age:31 Mom to:Caroline(my step dd,9)Cameron(my ds from a previous relationship,7), and Ella(2,my dd with my husband) Confused yet?lol! Married-9/06 Blended living arrangements:My step dd's mom is a drug addict who is in rehab, so we only see her sporadically,and my son goes to see his bio dad every other weekend,rotating holidays, and for a few weeks during the summer. My DH has sole custody of step dd, and my son's bio dad and I share custody. Name: Denelle Screen name: KeepYourBabyClose Age: 26 Mom to: DD 2/97 DS 8/07 Divorced: never married: 2/00 Blended living arrangements: None. DD is mine, DS is mine and my husband's. They live with us 100% of the time. Name:Beth Screenname:Jujusmommy Age:28 Mom to: DD Ju and DSS J Married-12/06 Blended living arrangements: DSS lives with bio mother in OH. He visits during holidays and for 8-10 weeks during the summer. DH is military and we live with DD in NC. We are currently in the process of relocating to AK. Name: Amy Screen name: HMDocsLady Age: 36 Mom: DD 3/08 Divorced: 3/01 Remarried: 10/07 StepMom: SS 1/99 Blended living arrangements: DH and I married in 10/07, but we have been together since 8/06. SS is his son and live with his EX in VA. DD is ours together. DH is fighting for full custody, right now he has shares - though how we are supposed to do every other weekend from VA to HI, I just dn't get. EX is fighting the custody change eventhough when DH calls she neer has SS with her - she drops him off with whichever of her relatives are available at that time - sometimes with no phone number for us to contact him. DH is suose to talkt o him every weekend - but he gets to about every other weekend when we can find SS. Name: Amy Screen name: mother4JC Age: 31 Mom: to DS1 2/00 Divorced: 5/02 Remarried: 3/05 Mom: to DD 3/06 and DS2 10/07 Blended living arrangements: DS1 lives with us every other week. We have a shared custody. He has a sister and brother here, and a step sister and sister at his dads. We live 2 miles from each other, and get along great. If we need to adjust things we work it out. Holidays are every other. His step mom and I are friends so we handle almost everything between the 2 of us! Doesn't help at times though because if his dad doesn't know what is going on he gets onto me. Then his wife has to tell him we have this all organized. Can be funny at times. The best is when people find out we hang out and run together. They look at us as though we have 2 heads. Name: Miranda Screen name: Mother Lover Age: 25 Mom: Bio-momma to DD who is 8, DS who is 2, and baking another DS who is due at the end of May, Step-momma to DS who is 9. Divorced: ----- Remarried: ---- Mom:Ha? Didn't I just answer this one??? Blended living arrangements: As of right now (and for the past year) my step son has lived with us for the school year. His mom is back in Ca (where we moved from almost a year ago) so he sees her every month or so. MY DD lives with us 24/7 as well, her dad hasn't been in her life since birth. DS (my youngest) is "ours" as well as our newest who will be here soon. DH and I have been together since the kids (2 older ones) were in diapers so this is all they know (well besides DSS knowing his mom, but I've always been in the pictures as far back as he can remember) DH is adopting DD this year. Screen name: Loving Being a Mommy Age: 24 Mom: to DS1 11/02 Ds2 1/06 Divorced: 11/07 Remarried: not Blended living arrangements: DSS 16 lives with us 24/7 and DSD 14lives with her mom. DSS goes to his moms every other weekend and the opposite weekend DSD comes here. Plus whenever her mom wants to pawn her off so that she can go on some vacation. My boys dad sees them every other weekend (same weekend DSS goes to his moms) and every Wed. night for 4 hours. Name: Shaina Screen name: beansmom Age: 30 Mom: none Divorced: 4/98 Remarried: 10/03 Mom: to dd 04, dd 05, angel baby 06, angel baby 08 and expecting this summer Fulltime Stepmom to : DSD 94, DSS#1 95, DSS#2 99 Blended living arrangements: My husband has 3 children from his first marriage. We were recently granted full physical custody of all 3 about 2 1/2 weeks ago. DSD is 14 ( has been with us full time since 6/08), DSS#1 is 13 (he has been with us full time for over 2 years) and DSS#2 (just came to live with us 2 1/2 weeks ago after a 9 month custody battle). Name: Jessica Screen name: jessamomof4 Age: 25 Mom: to DS7, DS5, DD2 & DD - Due 4/26 Divorced: 5/07 Remarried: 10/08 Blended living arrangements: Until December my 2 DS's and DD went every weekend (Friday - Sunday) to their BioDad's, but in December after hurting DS7 and having the school report it to the state, and then after my husband and I experienced some severe anger and rage personally (not new to me), we filed for a protection from abuse order and when we went to court I requested supervised contact and anger management... Ex husband stated "paternity is questionable" and that prompted the judge to terminate his rights and contact on the spot, so Kiddos haven't gone to their BioDad's since weekend after Christmas '08. Name: Veronica Screen name:dakarimom5 Age: 33 Step-Mom: DSD 13 Bio-Mom: to DS 17, DS 10, DS 7, DS 5 DD 2 Married: 9/00 Blended living arrangements:My dh adopted my 2 oldest and he is step father to my DSD. Her mother wouldn't let him adopt her so we get "unofficial" standard visitation. Name: Beth Screen name: faiths13 Age: 31 Mom: to DS1 1/99 & DS2 1/01 Divorced: 6/01 Remarried: 9/06 Mom: to DS 3 9/07 and expecting # 4 Mom: to SS #1 10/94 & SS #2 11/99 Blended living arrangements: Started off with my two sons and his oldest, then last summer his youngest came to live with us as well and now we will have 6 kids this Oct! Name: alexandra Screen name: Sourpatch_babe Age: 26 Mom: to DS1 10/05 & DS2 12/07 married: 05/04 Mom: to SD #1 05/95 Blended living arrangements: We're supposed to have her three saturdays a month (this down from the entire weekend every other week, down from 50/50) Name: Marissa Screen name: rissamama79 Age: 30 Mom: to DD 05/96 & DS1 10/99 & DS2 05/08 married: 05/07 Mom: to SS 10/98 SD 04/04 Blended living arrangements:We live with my older two children which are mine from previous relationships but my wonderful incedible amazing husband is in the process of adopting them or at least my older son, my daughters father is putting up resistance even though he hasn't seen her in more than 2 years and doesn't pay childsupport unless the state threats to take his license or put him in the clink! My husband has two children whom he loves and supports and we used to see every other weekend and every wednesday night up until a we got married and his ex wife decided he could no longer see them and since she had physical custody the fight to get them back was too $$$ we were attempting to get full custody and the mom got wind and took them completley. He was arrested at one point for taking his daughter to the hospital because when she came to us she had diaper rash down to her knees that was bleeding from neglect. We have had a really hard time getting over the loss of them and thats really what it feels like. I was in his daughters life since she was 8 months old and then she was pulled away and even though dss and I had a rocky start we were getting to a good place. Name: Wendy Screen name: turtle2who Age: 40 Mom: to DS 5/05 Stepmom: to DSD 3/96 and DSS 11/91 Blended living arrangements: DS lives with me and his daddy. Dh and his ex have been divorced for about 8 years and she had full custody of the kids. Dh had visitation every other weekend and every Wednesday night. DSD and DSS just moved in with us last weekend! Name:Shellie Screenname:thenanny Age:29 Mom toSD 10 and DS almost 3 Blended living arrangementsS of course full time is he is mine and DHs son together. DSD comes every other weekend, 1 extra day if she has a friday or monday off school on one of our scheduled weekends, every other holiday, every other spring break, and 5 weeks in the summer. Name: Rachelle Screen name: rachellelaree Age: 41 Mom: DD 4-89, DS 4-92, DD 8-05, DD 7-07 Divorced: 4/98 Remarried: 6/08 StepMom: SD 10-93 Blended living arrangements: My eldest lives in CA and goes to college. My son is currently staying in SC with his girlfriend because they are expecting a baby. My two youngest live with us full time and as of right now have no time with their father. My SD comes and stays with us for about 4 weeks a yr spread out over the yr and she lives in OH. Name: Dena Screen name: Willow's_lilmama Age: 33 Mom: to ds 11/02 and dd 9/07 SM: to 2 SDDs- 11/89 & 8/91 Blended living arrangements: the girls no longer live with us but when they were younger we had them 60/40 and when SD2 was a younger teen we had full custody of her Name: Amanda Screen name: alnoodle Age: 24 Mom: to DD 8/13/07, DD 4/6/09 Stepmom to: DSD 8/1/05 Married: 1/27/07 We got full custody of DSD after not even knowing she exsisted until about 3 months ago. Things have been challenging to some point, especiall with a new baby too... but thanks to Laura and her idea for a jar that we put beads in when DSD does what she should and remove them when she had negative behavior with a reward if she gets all her beads... DSD is a totally different kid because she knows. We've been doing this for a few days now and she's only got the reward 1 time... but she is so much nicer to her sisters, us, and the Dogs Name: Ces Screen name: boy-oh-boy Age: 26 Step-Mom: to DSS 11/97, DSS 6/99 Bio-Mom: to DS 7/04, 10/05, 2/09 Married: 9/03 Blended living arrangements: My DSSs are halves. ODSS lives with his mom and their family is moving back to town in the next month. We have had custody of YDSS for 5 years this July. ODSS gets to spend time whenever we ask (when they are in state - we've had 2 visits in the last 3 years that they have lived out of state, but they have been lengthy visits), and YDSS is gone every other weekend. I've been with DH since YDSS was almost a year old, so he has grown up considering me to be his "real" mom.
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Last edited by Sakari; 04-25-2009 at 11:30 PM. |
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04-20-2009, 11:56 PM
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Re: Step Parents/Blended Family Thread ~ Week of 4-21-08
Hi everyone!! Where did we all go?!
 Well, come back! I have a perspective problem - in that I need some other perspectives on a situation...We go to the same church as dh's ex (well, we're all members, we all grew up there, I don't actually get much out of it so sometimes I go other places, but every other weekend we go there for the kids' sake. That way they're in the same church and sunday school all the time. anyway...) the church does a picture directory of all the members. Would it be inappropriate for us to be pictured with the "shared" kids? I consider ours a family of 5, it's just that we're not always together. But when I said something about it, the response in the room was that everyone scoffed at me and said, "oh yeah, wouldn't the ex hate that! If only it were separate churches, etc. etc." and yes, she would hate it if we used a picture of the 5 of us - but does she have grounds for it? Why can't dh have his kids in a picture with him?!?! They're his kids too! right? Or am I missing something here. Yes the kids would be pictured twice in the directory, but is that really a big deal? They have two parents.... anyway. What are your thoughts? Am I being inconsiderate here? Or what? What would you guys do? And, when you think of the size of your family, do you count the ones who don't live with you full time? When people ask, I say I have 3 kids. If they care, I might add that only one is biological, but I still have 3. How do you think of it? TIA!!
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04-21-2009, 01:40 AM
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Re: Step Parents/Blended Family Thread ~ Week of 4-21-08
Quote:
 I think you should also think about the kids. It isn't fun being put in the middle all the time and especially with something that isn't really a big deal. Do you not have a good relationship with the children's mom? If not, I would use this as a start to getting one. Life is so much happier, easier, and peaceful when everyone can get along. You can still not be best friends, but being pleasant and thoughtful really go a long way in making the kids feel loved and cared for. I just don't think anyone wins when there are silly little battles like this going on. While I understand the want to let the kids go to the same church all the time, it would probably be better if you found another church when you have the kids. I only say that because then this wouldn't even be an issue, kwim? While we all want the kids to feel like things aren't different, they are. It is okay to have home, Daddy's home, Mommy's church and Daddy's church. It also lets the two sides have their own lives without being right on top of each other. I think you would look forward to having a church of your own, for your family, etc. Do you not want that? It seems since you guys don't seem to get along and are annoyed by each other... it would make the most sense. Especially if she was going there before you. I personally would prefer to attend a church that was my family's, not DH's ex's church or 'their" {your DH & her} church. If you don't normally go to church on Sunday, then make that day when you have the kids a special day. {Cook out, games outside, etc}. Make it your family's own time in what ever way that you feel you would like to spend it. When the kids are at your house, they are there to do/go where your family goes. Make it your family's time. Good Luck Mama!  Divorce is not easy for anyone. I just tried to make it the least painful for my kids even if I had to put up with stuff or ignore it. Life is too short for constant drama. Remember "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff". 
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Kaydee- Mama to: G{20}  ,G{16] B{6} ,B{4} and Born-sleeping, AngelBaby,who is in our hearts forever! Abigail Neveah{Feb 23, 2007}
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04-21-2009, 02:14 AM
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Re: Step Parents/Blended Family Thread ~ Week of 4-21-08
First intro.
Name:Shellie Screenname:thenanny Age:29 Mom to  SD 10 and DS almost 3Blended living arrangements S of course full time is he is mine and DHs son together. DSD comes every other weekend, 1 extra day if she has a friday or monday off school on one of our scheduled weekends, every other holiday, every other spring break, and 5 weeks in the summer. Now, answering your question. I would say that if you would like your SC in your family pic for the church directory then you should have them. Personally I wait for the weekends we have DSD to have our fam. pics taken and for vacations etc. If they are members of your family meaning when you sign a card do you put their names too? When you are naming your children to other people do you say I have for example 4 kiddos even though 2 are step? If so then why not. I agree with put yourself in the mom's position as pp said, but as a mom wouldn't you want to know that their SM cared enough about them to want them to be in the pic and considered them her children too. It's not about trying to take her place, it's about making those kids feel as much of a part of things and as much yours and your own flesh and blood children. I told DSD BM in the beginning that I would NEVER try to take her place, nor would I ever talk negatively about her in front of or around DSD. We have agreed to be civil in front of DSD as much as humanly possible, and if there are disagreements we discuss them calmly without raising our voices or getting ugly. I just think that is what is best for the child. Now, one thing I would consider is first off those are your DHs children too and if you all as a family want everyone in the picture then you all should be in the picture. Personally I would think about the kiddos. I mean how will they feel if they see your family picture in the directory without them in it.... Wouldn't that make them feel left out? KWIM? I dunno just my novel of a two cents. HTH
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Previously banned member Shell0115 |
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04-21-2009, 06:38 AM
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Re: Step Parents/Blended Family Thread ~ Week of 4-21-08
Quote:
My main thoughts revolve around the bolded. I expect (and even have) some family pictures with DS in them with his father's side of the family. He has pictures of his dad, brothers, etc up next to his bed. He should have one of his stepmom. hmmm I need to rectify that. But I digress... I think it is perfectly fine to have a blended family picture from mom's side and a blended family picture from dad's side. (It might be too weird to have them all together though that's another option entirely.) It might hurt BM's feelings, but this isn't ultimately about her, it's about the kids and they "belong" to all of you! It will also help the congregation understand the family dynamics. My DS just got a card from church with MY last name on it. He was ok with it, but I am not! Oh, another thought might be to get two pictures taken, one with and one without the stepkids with the understanding that the one with the stepkids would only be used if biomom gets one taken with the kids as well. I'm just thinking it would really smart if the only picture was with you guys.
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Melissa-Wife, mother to DS 4/02 and DD 4/07, DS 7/08 Due 7/13 with a little lady ISO: my lost shaker of salt |
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04-21-2009, 06:41 AM
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Re: Step Parents/Blended Family Thread ~ Week of 4-21-08
BTW, I think it is awesome that you guys are going to the same church for consistency's sake! I am totally NOT willing to do that as I am very bitter towards my ex's church and the way they treated me when we got divorced and when he remarried even though HE was the one leaving blah blah. I may have to come back and vent that out again. It makes me sooooooooo mad.
On another note. The school's registration packet for next year asks for a copy of the court documentation. this is new and I think it is just NOT their business or right to ask for it. I will post a separate thread as I would like to hear from the teacher/school mamas around here as well.
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Melissa-Wife, mother to DS 4/02 and DD 4/07, DS 7/08 Due 7/13 with a little lady ISO: my lost shaker of salt |
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04-21-2009, 07:44 AM
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Re: Step Parents/Blended Family Thread ~ Week of 4-21-08
Name: Rachelle
Screen name: rachellelaree Age: 41 Mom: DD 4-89, DS 4-92, DD 8-05, DD 7-07 Divorced: 4/98 Remarried: 6/08 StepMom: SD 10-93 Blended living arrangements: My eldest lives in CA and goes to college. My son is currently staying in SC with his girlfriend because they are expecting a baby. My two youngest live with us full time and as of right now have no time with their father. My SD comes and stays with us for about 4 weeks a yr spread out over the yr and she lives in OH. I think having the kids in pictures with both of their parents should be fine!! I mean it is up to all of you to decide. My sons father and I have always had a great relationship and we have a huge family picture with all the kids his mine and ours, his wife and my ex(my youngests father). We just wanted to share that moment in time before I moved across the country and took his son with me !!
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Mother of 7 ages 21-0!! I love my family!!!! |
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04-21-2009, 07:58 AM
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Re: Step Parents/Blended Family Thread ~ Week of 4-21-08
Name: Dena
Screen name: Willow's_lilmama Age: 33 Mom: to ds 11/02 and dd 9/07 SM: to 2 SDDs- 11/89 & 8/91 Blended living arrangements: the girls no longer live with us but when they were younger we had them 60/40 and when SD2 was a younger teen we had full custody of her I wanted to weigh in, I haven't posted really in these threads because the girls are older and no longer live with us but I have btdt. If your motivation with the picture is because you are a family and want your picture as such (I am sure it's not a stab at the mom )then I don't see why there is any problem. As you said they are your dh's kids as well! The mom should really understand that, when you are divorced these things should be expected.
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Now SAHM  to "Buddy" and "Lulu"
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04-21-2009, 08:13 AM
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#9 |
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Re: Step Parents/Blended Family Thread ~ Week of 4-21-08
Thanks for all the opinions! I'm sorry I sounded bitter and petty. That's not how I meant it. I would never use the kids as a means of trying to hurt their mother! I just think, from their perspective, it would be a major slap in the face to not be pictured with their dad. Why does their lil sister get to be in the picture, but they don't? kwim? Don't we want them? etc. etc.
And it is our church, the ex-Girlfriend hasn't been going there longer, or anything. She and I grew up there, our parents went there, etc. DH has gone there since his parents moved to town...The main difference is that her mother practically runs the place and it isn't on nice terms. But I digress. That's another subject that I'll try not to go into. I think what will probably happen is that we just don't submit a picture. That way she won't get her feelings hurt and the kids won't feel left out either. The picture itself isn't that important to us anyway. It's just the principle of the thing that was bugging me, I guess. Thank you for everyone's responses! From all points of view. And WELCOME! I'll add the new stats right away!! How is everyone else these days??
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04-21-2009, 09:05 AM
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Re: Step Parents/Blended Family Thread ~ Week of 4-21-08
Quote:
 Yeah, that is weird about the school.  doesn't sound good or nessessary to me!Quote:
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Thanks!!Quote:
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Last edited by Sakari; 04-21-2009 at 09:07 AM. |
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