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Old 04-21-2009, 10:32 PM   #1
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Question for non-circing moms- NOT A DEBATE!

I circ'd my first 4 boys and after education on circ am not having this boy circ'd. I am not up for debate on this- I feel very strongly about not circing so this is questions about that not about whether I should or not.

Dh was Floored at first but I presented him with research from both sides and he fully supports the decision now.

OK SO background there was a big argument over my almost 6 year old with my inlaws because he does not have a classical circ - but a bibilcal circ which basically means they take less skin off so he kind of looks uncirced when it's not hard. (2 sons have this one and 2 have traditional- go figure no worries on new baby "looking" different and having issues every penis in this house looks different LMAO!)

So he got an infection from not being cleaned right when he first started doing it himself. Peds showed me (on a doll) how to show him to pull it back and clean it blah blah. So my poor mortified and very modest son had to hear this- it cleared right up and has never been an issue again now that he knows how to clean it right.

So my hubby was talking with inlaws (this is a year or so ago) and they flipped- it was only a partial circ and we had HAD to get him re-circ'd immediately because not circing is dirty blah blah blah. Well we ignored them and never thought much about it until the other night.

Dh said "What are you going to do about my aunts?" (his aunts are his "mothers" for all purposes- they raised him and it has taken me 10 years to have a decent relationship with them. Dh stopped talking to them for over 2years because they were so evil to me.

I looked at him and said "What do you mean- they have no say in our sons penis and his right to remain intact."

He said "you know they are going to attack this when they find out. I can tell them to back off but as soon as I leave the room they are going to go for your jugular". I just shrugged and said "I will tell them to worry about their sons' lack of foreskin instead of my sons ample amount."

But it got me thinking- this will be the first NON-Circ'd boy in either family and both families are VERY against not circing because they come from the old school that you do it for cleanliness. My family I don't care much about because they don't nurse, cloth diaper or anything so I am already the weirdo there- no issue lol... they will just shurg and say "shes at it again"

But his family is HARSH and attack people. I have walked out so many times its un real and I would like to see if anyone has had some severe negativity about it and how you dealt with it

Thanks!! (thanks if you even made it this far LMAO!)

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Old 04-21-2009, 10:38 PM   #2
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Re: Question for non-circing moms- NOT A DEBATE!

No, I haven't faced any negativity from family members. I guess I'm extremely lucky because my family knows it's none of their biz.

So I guess my only strategy to share with you would be to smile politely and thank them for their concern while assuring them that you, your husband, and your children's doctor are all looking out for the baby's well-being. It sounds like a shouting match is NOT the way to go with these pushy aunts!

Good luck!
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Old 04-21-2009, 10:44 PM   #3
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Re: Question for non-circing moms- NOT A DEBATE!

there's really not much you can say... they'll be set in their ways. according to the reasearch they did at the time all the experts told them that circing was the way to go so they'll be convinced they're right and you're wrong. plus all they've ever dealt with most likely was circ'd men... at one time the rate was 97% in the us!!! not only that but they'll be defensive about their choice too not wanting anyone to make them feel like they did the wrong thing.
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Old 04-21-2009, 10:55 PM   #4
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Re: Question for non-circing moms- NOT A DEBATE!

I absolutely have had negative reactions to our choice to not circ our son. My MIL just about popped her head off when she found out we wern't going to circ. MY Dh doesn't have the best relationship with his mom, although he does love and speak with her regularly. I think she just assumed that we would circ, because that is what is done, right?!? She found out we weren't going to have him circ'ed the day after our son was born, and she proceeded to rant and rave about all the usual arguments, it's not clean, disease and infection, it looks funny and not like his dads, etc. etc. She spoke with Dh about it and then proceeded to leave several messages for us urging us to "smarten up" about the whole thing. And saying things like "of course you will reconsider and do what is right" and "you will regret doing this to your son", like we were doing anything at all.
I tried to let Dh deal with it as much as possible because it was his mom, but it sounds like your "inlaws" are more agressive towards you. I finally said, and still do say, that I would never be comfortable with a choice to alter my beautiful child in any way, because he is absolutely perfect the way he is. And that if his body weren't meant to be that way, it wouldn't naturally be that way. Information is key, and maybe you should try to just hand them something you have looked up and printed out about the arguments for not circing. If they get aggressive with you, it is a way for you to leave the situation, but still have a "voice" there. If they won't eventually accept your decision, than unfortunately it sounds like you will just have to tell them to back off about it because you have your mind made up.
GOOD LUCK and hopefully your husband can put his foot down if they take it too far and make them realize it is not worth going another two years without talking. I am happy with our decision to not circ, and it sounds like with your many different experiences with this issue, so will you. Whew, am I longwinded or what!
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Old 04-21-2009, 11:00 PM   #5
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Re: Question for non-circing moms- NOT A DEBATE!

If I were you I'd attack back - and not be nice about. If these women are truely that nasty, I'd dish it right back to them. Regardless of how they did it with their kids, or what they think is right, they have no say what so ever in your sons penis. Fight and fight dirty, and in the end, be prepared to walk out. I'm sorry your inlaws are such a PITA - and good luck!
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Old 04-21-2009, 11:18 PM   #6
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Re: Question for non-circing moms- NOT A DEBATE!

nak

don't tell them. my il's are very pro circ and they have never changed ds's diaper and as far as i know have no clue he's intact
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Old 04-21-2009, 11:21 PM   #7
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Re: Question for non-circing moms- NOT A DEBATE!

and I wanted to add way to go for leaving your DS perfect the way he was born and doing your research this time, my ds1 is circ'd and ds2 is intact after much research. When you know better you do better, it's a largely growing trend!
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Old 04-21-2009, 11:23 PM   #8
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Re: Question for non-circing moms- NOT A DEBATE!

I am never going to understand why so many people think they have a say in someone elses genitals. DH and I decided back in Dec. not to circ our soon to be (if he will ever come out) son.

On my dad's last visit her he sat down on the couch with me and asked me to do him a favor, I asked what that was and he said to get the boy circ'd, I asked him how that was a favor to him and he couldn't answer (duh not your penis).

My DH's youngest neice keeps telling us how nasty it is (though she is 19 and I asked her if she's ever seen one or been with a guy without it done, her answer is no - yeah a great source there if never seen one or been with one IRL) and oh that study they just did proves he needs to be done (yeah I'm going by 1 study done in Africa that even the people that did the study admitted it was flawed and those in other cultures should not base their decisions on it) and then spouts off all the "myths" of being circed, he'll get aids, he'll be unclean, etc...

I just don't get it. Not your kid, not your decision and if you don't like it, well, there is nothing YOU can do about it since again, not your kid.
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Old 04-21-2009, 11:24 PM   #9
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Re: Question for non-circing moms- NOT A DEBATE!

Tell them to circ themselves.

I'd just ask them why they were so worried about MY son's penis and ignore them. But my family knows better than to question me about my parenting choices. I'm not nice when it comes to my children.
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Old 04-21-2009, 11:42 PM   #10
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Re: Question for non-circing moms- NOT A DEBATE!

Quote:
Originally Posted by I Smile Because Of Them View Post
Tell them to circ themselves.
Hee hee, I was thinking along the same lines. Somewhere out there on the web is a video of a cirucumcision. Find it, email it to "the aunts", make them watch it, and then tell them in no uncertain terms that NO ONE is going to do that to your baby. And walk away. Smile, ask them how their dog is doing, if they found any good deals at the grocery store lately, how about those Trailblazers, isn't the weather lovely.

Steer the conversation away. Fighting won't accomplish anything.

You can do this, and it'll be ok.

My sons are the first in the family, too. People get over it.
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