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Old 04-27-2009, 12:59 PM   #1
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Anyone else exasperated with current kids? Long, sad vent.

Just curious if anyone else out there is struggling to feel like a good mama to their spirited/ independant children while also chosing to TTC? My LO is the poster child for terrible twos. I love her to death, she opens my eyes daily and I learn so much from her but she makes me so tired! I feel like this is something people go through... just when you're getting the hang of parenting the kid changes and then your techniques need to change to. I have to say 'no' to the same things fifty times a day, often several times an hour, it's the nature of a toddler to push mama's buttons and boundaries. Having a sibling for her is high on my priority list and feels like the right thing for our family. I'm an only child and it was so lonely to not have anyone who understood what I was going through and when my mom died (never knew my dad) I was completely alone-- the only member of my immediate family. Sibling bonds seem so special to me and I want her to have that. I also want to experience pregnancy, birth, and another infant again.
I'm just feeling a little down because my SO sees me lose my patience and then jokingly asks "and you think you want more kids?" Underneath I think he feels like it's divine intervention that we're struggling to get pregnant again after conceiving DD the first try. Like, we're not parenting our daughter perfectly so god isn't letting us have more (or at least not right now). And maybe I feel that way to some extent too, because I always seem to say if something is meant to be it'll be. It's sill but I guess I feel like I'm being punished for not being a 100% patient, perfect mother, because I'm human and I get mad and yell and want to have a break from my child every once in a while (which I never get and never do. In two years I've never left her alone with her dad for more than a couple hours and never left her with anyone else).
Parenting is tiring, isn't it? It's hard work and not a perfect science, right? I'm not the only one that struggles some times, right? And just because I have my moments of imperfect parenting doesn't make me inelligible for having another baby, right???
13 months of TTC and not one positive pregnancy test is wearing me down. I try to talk to SO about it and his stance is 'it'll happen if it's meant to happen' and to just focus on the fact that we have one beautiful healthy child and let that be enough. If only it were that simple.

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Old 04-27-2009, 01:12 PM   #2
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Re: Anyone else exasperated with current kids? Long, sad vent.

OMG katie. i think I could have written this. Believe it or not, I actually smacked my daughters hand the other day when she kept going back to the outlet. My rationale was... maybe if i just give her a little smack, it will shock her enough that she will stop putting herself at risk of electrocuting herself! Well, she just thought that was HILARIOUS. She laughed hysterically when I smacked her (as toddlers do)... and trust me i am the hugest advocate of non-smacking of kids. I shocked myself more than her! It is just so frustrating when they don't get the word 'No' and think it's the biggest game ever. And I yell at her sometimes, especially when I am stressed out trying to get the house tidy for guests and she is running around behind me pulling cereal out of the cupboards all over the floor etc. I feel the same way that maybe God is punishing me, or maybe he just knows I can't handle having another one right now so that is why. or maybe it is punishment because I didn't appreciate how easy it was the first time, and didn't have enough empathy for other people who took a long time to get pregnant.

But- I think there are parents who do a lot worse a job than you and I.
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Old 04-27-2009, 01:17 PM   #3
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Re: Anyone else exasperated with current kids? Long, sad vent.

Parenting is the hardest job on Earth! Add in TTC and you have a very stressed out mama. Parenting is not an exact science. You have never left her with anyone else!? You need a break mama!! I think every mom needs a little time to regroup.
My DH is an only adopted child. I think that's why he wants a lot of children too. He felt alone like you do.

Lots of to you!
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Old 04-27-2009, 01:18 PM   #4
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Re: Anyone else exasperated with current kids? Long, sad vent.

My DD is only a bit younger than yours, and YES I struggle sometimes. We are currently not trying/not preventing, and sometimes I question even that. DD is a handful and though I love her, she can be exasperating sometimes.
I think once we finally decide to TTC in earnest I will be feeling the same as you. I am not ready for the disappointment yet though (DD took us 18 months to conceive, so I am not expecting it to be easy), so we just keep NT/NP and waiting.
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Old 04-27-2009, 01:19 PM   #5
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Re: Anyone else exasperated with current kids? Long, sad vent.

Parenting IS tiring, no doubt. You definitely are NOT the only one who feels like this. In all honestly now that I have older teens, I can look back and say the first 12 years were E.A.S.Y!!! No kidding.. it's these teens years that nearly kill ya! The hormones hit and you often wonder if they are going to grow up sane or be ok. I find myself questioning ttc very often. I really would like to have one more to grow up closer to my 3yo since there's such a big age gap between him and the teens...My dh has said the same thing to me before, laughing and asking am I sure about ttc. It kinda stings when he says it though because I love my kids dearly but I do get frustrated and upset with their behaviors sometimes. (I've gotten laryngitis after yelling before ) But, I figure I must be doing something right because they aren't into drugs/alcohol/smoking or getting in trouble with the law or school. My main complaints is their attitude can get a little stinky and they don't like to do their chores... I figure if that is the worst of my complaints they are overall good kids. I guess you just have to pick your battles and try to focus more on the good. I know you have a little one much younger and have a while to worry about this stuff, but I guess I wanted to share my perspective on this too. LOL.

Seriously, out of all of the professions in life I do have to say raising a child is the toughest... yet rewarding too. Even though I am officially sprouting gray hairs, I still say it was all worth it.

If I were you I would make plans once a month to get a break.. you will be better for it.. trust me.
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Old 04-27-2009, 01:44 PM   #6
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Re: Anyone else exasperated with current kids? Long, sad vent.

Thanks so much, Mamas. I needed to hear some encouraging words and not feel so isolated in my struggles.
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Old 04-27-2009, 02:03 PM   #7
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Re: Anyone else exasperated with current kids? Long, sad vent.

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Originally Posted by *Alabamamom* View Post
Parenting IS tiring, no doubt. You definitely are NOT the only one who feels like this. In all honestly now that I have older teens, I can look back and say the first 12 years were E.A.S.Y!!! No kidding.. it's these teens years that nearly kill ya! The hormones hit and you often wonder if they are going to grow up sane or be ok. I find myself questioning ttc very often. I really would like to have one more to grow up closer to my 3yo since there's such a big age gap between him and the teens...My dh has said the same thing to me before, laughing and asking am I sure about ttc. It kinda stings when he says it though because I love my kids dearly but I do get frustrated and upset with their behaviors sometimes. (I've gotten laryngitis after yelling before ) But, I figure I must be doing something right because they aren't into drugs/alcohol/smoking or getting in trouble with the law or school. My main complaints is their attitude can get a little stinky and they don't like to do their chores... I figure if that is the worst of my complaints they are overall good kids. I guess you just have to pick your battles and try to focus more on the good. I know you have a little one much younger and have a while to worry about this stuff, but I guess I wanted to share my perspective on this too. LOL.

Seriously, out of all of the professions in life I do have to say raising a child is the toughest... yet rewarding too. Even though I am officially sprouting gray hairs, I still say it was all worth it.

If I were you I would make plans once a month to get a break.. you will be better for it.. trust me.
Me too! I have teens and a little one and I'm TTC for the same reasons. My teens are in their early teen years...actually 11 and 13, so one isn't quite there. They are pretty easy most days...but yeah the attitudes can get stinky.
To the OP...what you describe is so normal!!! When my older ones were ages 2-5 there were times I screamed so much, I am embarrassed to think about it. I truly think that you need a break for one thing! But also, on a daily basis when I found myself screaming at my kids, it was usually because I was trying to do too much. Now, I try to just let it go...or stay a step ahead of the crisis. They don't "GET" no yet. Not saying you shouldn't say it and try to teach them, just don't expect them to respond to it. Lower your expectations...give up on the house cleaning a little bit. Let the laundry sit and just play with your child or do something else. Yep, I've been know to let my DD dump cereal all over the floor while I'm cooking dinner because she was entertained. It's a little different for me though because if she gets too bad then I can call one of my big kids to the rescue. I try not to lean on them too much because they are just kids still and she's not their responsibility. Sounds like you need more help around the house.

Funny, my DD had a really rough night sleeping last night and I thought the same thing...maybe I can't handle another one. Sounds like you're a great mama though...I think you'll be fine with another LO.
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Old 04-27-2009, 02:39 PM   #8
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Re: Anyone else exasperated with current kids? Long, sad vent.

It's sort of funny... I take care of another child in my home, two weeks ago we were on a week long, very stressful vacation, the day after we got home both LO and I got sick. We're both still on the mend and today was my first day back to having the child I care for after two weeks off. I'm trying to get the house back to a state of normal, my kid is still snotty nosed and clingy-- duh, no wonder I'm stressed and at my wits end! I'm trying to assign certain house hold chores to certain days of the week to spread it out. It's a two-fold thing, if my house is a mess it feels like my life is a mess but trying to keep things clean behind a two year old drives me nuts, too!
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Old 04-27-2009, 02:56 PM   #9
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Re: Anyone else exasperated with current kids? Long, sad vent.

Katie- right now I work two jobs from home... there is no way I can even get chores done most of the time! Much of my work ends up getting done in the evenings when the house is quiet. DH and I just decided that the only way we can do cleaning is to just use saturday mornings, and whatever doesn't get done, just waits until next week! I guess i could also stop wasting time on DS, hehe! Sorry to hear you have all been sick, I am sure it will be much easier once DD is better and back onto a normal schedule as well! Sleep makes a HUGE difference in my dd's mood, I have found. And it makes it much easier for me to deal with her if I can take her out of the house for a while as well. I have also started giving lulu the dustbuster when i vacuum and a little cloth when i dust, she loves it!
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Old 04-27-2009, 05:01 PM   #10
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Re: Anyone else exasperated with current kids? Long, sad vent.

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Yep, I've been know to let my DD dump cereal all over the floor while I'm cooking dinner because she was entertained.
LOL! I just let my daughter pull out the entire contents of my wallet all over the floor, just so that I could get 20 minutes of peace and quiet! And do a little bit of work! i figure it will only take me 3 minutes to put all the cards back in their rightful places, so 20-3=17 minutes of gained time!
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