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Old 05-11-2009, 12:53 PM   #1
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Tell my why you love AP....pretty please?

I've been getting SO MUCH unsolicited advice about my son. I know that they all mean well and all love me to pieces and want whats best but I wish I had a way to explain why I choose to parent this way that doesn't make them feel like bad parents. Because the only answer I've got is that I'm following my gut instinct. I didn't even know it was called AP until I found DS. So it would be great to have some science to back up my feelings.
I know it's hurting my mom's feelings when I tell her I just can't let DS CIO. I just don't think it's good for him. Or about using cloth..on and on and on.

So please share why you love AP and cosleeping and what your best polite/tactful response is to people who think you're spoiling your babes.

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Old 05-11-2009, 01:08 PM   #2
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Re: Tell my why you love AP....pretty please?

Because it *feels* right. But also because I feel that it promotes healthy psychosocial development. Check into the research of Erik Erikson. Proper attachment is hugely important!
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Old 05-11-2009, 01:28 PM   #3
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Re: Tell my why you love AP....pretty please?

Well, when I had ds1, dh was in the military. I was completly in love w/ my son. He was really my best buddy, I told him everything ( keep in mind he's a baby ) I bf exclusivly, co-slept w/ him, 1- b/c I wanted him close and 2- b/c we did'nt have a crib. ( He slept w/ us till he was 5 ) I also never had him in a carrier. I didn't know about slings and such. But I held him where ever I went, doc, grocery store, everywhere. I didn't know about all the awsome cd they have out, but there were many times I let my lo crawl and run around free and naked b/c I didn't want to use up a sposie.
I was really young, away from everybody I knew, nobody told me what I should do if I had mastitus, or cleaning the uncirc penis. Everything I did was my gut instincts on how to raise and take care of my little boy, who I was over the moon in love with. And after that I did the same w/ my other boys.
Sorry I don't have scientific evidence to back me up. But if anyone asks me WHY? I just tell them, I didn't have books or people telling me how to take care of my child, I just did what I felt was right. ( I had no idea it was called AP either, people would just call me a hippie )
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Old 05-11-2009, 01:56 PM   #4
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Re: Tell my why you love AP....pretty please?

i've just gotten into APing, i'm starting to read about it now. for me, it just feels right and makes the most sense. when i tell people that we co-sleep and CD and babywear, i tell them it's because it works best for US. we started co-sleeping on day 4 of bringing the baby home by accident, and discovered that she slept longer, harder, and more comfortably with us at night, and then WE sleep better...so why wouldn't we?? and with babywearing, i HATE using big, bulky strollers in public, so slings and wraps work best!! what i really like reading about AP'ing is all the benefits it has for the child (better communicator, more trusting, more empathetic). there are a lot of good books out there on APing, so read up ad tell ppl all the facts and benefits of it...if they still think its crap, tell them it works for your family and you like to do whats best for your family!
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Old 05-11-2009, 02:25 PM   #5
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Re: Tell my why you love AP....pretty please?

I parent the way I feel is right. My family and some friends think I'm crazy but this is the way I choose to do things. We went to visit my parents and sister a couple weeks ago. My sister has a DD that is only 4 months older then my DD and it is very hard at times because our parenting styles are so different. My sister knows I use cloth for DD and I even offered to make her some CDs or buy her some for her DD when she was a baby because money was so tight for them. She decline because she just didn't want to use cloth. She also turned her DD forward facing in an expired seat as soon as she was 1. I offered to buy her a new carseat but again she told me no. Anyway when we went to go visit them our DD used the potty at their house and my sister was making a big deal telling her DD "see you need to use the potty and be a big girl like your cousin." My sister was like wow she uses the potty and does so well and I told her that kids who use cloth potty train faster and we just don't pressure her about it. I said you can't make them potty train they have to choose to do it and she said. "wanna bet." .Also I was telling my mom about how DD was starting to get fussy in the car because it was to long of a drive, its 3 hours. So she asks me "When can you turn her around? Don't you think she would be happier facing forward so she can see everything?" I told her "I will turn her when she is 33lbs because that is when it is safer for her and that NO I don't think she would be happier facing forward because she doesn't know any different." Then she goes on to tell me that my neice just loves to ride in the car because she can look out and see everything. What ever, they can parent the way they feel is right and I will parent the way I feel is right.
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Old 05-11-2009, 02:29 PM   #6
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Re: Tell my why you love AP....pretty please?

Like you, when I started AP, I didn't really know there was a name for it. I chose to parent based on my instincts, and not mainstream society. I felt in my heart that children were not an inconvenience, that should be trained to fit my schedule - but that I chose to bring this sweet little boy into the world, and I would let him adjust on his terms. I still get unsolicited advice occasionally, but I am not exaggerating when I tell you I get complimented every single time I'm in public about how happy and well behaved DS is. He is always smiling and laughing. He can adjust at the drop of a hat to any new situation, and knows that mama is always there if he needs me. My mother forever told me to 'put that baby down' becuase he would never learn to walk being held all the time, and all be damned he took his first steps at 9 months, and was running by 10 months. She told me to feed him formula he was too dependent on me/nursing, and give him solids early, to put him to sleep on his belly as an infant, to get him into his crib and out of my bed, and on and on and on. I know she only had the best of intentions, but I've had to let it roll of my shoulder, and go with my gut. When I get stranger advice, I smile and nod. When I get family advice, I lie through my teeth and say 'I'll have to try that'. If I'm feeling fiesty, I'll pry, and debate with the advice giver. You can't get them to be quiet, your best bet is to figure out how to ignore them, and do what you know is right
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Old 05-11-2009, 02:35 PM   #7
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Re: Tell my why you love AP....pretty please?

you can also just chose not to go there with the conversation. I mean, you shouldn't feel like you need to explain or justify anything to anyone. If it's uncomfortable; just smile, nod and go on about your life.

To PP about the "wanna bet" comment? Yeah, good luck with that! But it always bites me in the butt b/c then I hear all about how rewarding them w/ candy trained them in 2 days...
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Old 05-11-2009, 02:45 PM   #8
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Re: Tell my why you love AP....pretty please?

I'm not sure that my parenting style can specifically be called AP, but I also wore my son, cd'ed, co-slept etc. and we constantly get compliments about how well behaved and adjusted he is. I honest to goodness cannot say that it was anythign I specifically did, except those AP type practices. He has always been a very easy going child (which helps I'm sure).

You just have to go with what you think is right. There is always going to be someone who thinks they have the right to tell you how to raise your children. Try investing in a good pair of ear plugs!
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Old 05-11-2009, 02:55 PM   #9
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Re: Tell my why you love AP....pretty please?

I was very AP with my first...she is not well-behaved. lol
My son I was/am a little less (still ap from my families point of view) and he is more well-adjusted.
BUT, I think every child is different so maybe that has something to do with it.
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Old 05-11-2009, 06:22 PM   #10
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Re: Tell my why you love AP....pretty please?

Because my kid is high needs and it makes everyone's life easier and happier than if we didn't. I don't really talk to other people about what we do, because I don't want unsolicited advice. I usually will smile and shake my head or say, "That sounds interesting", as long as they're not being rude.
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