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Old 05-27-2009, 07:12 AM   #1
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Donation offer ... awkward situation?

My gf gave birth to her second DS two days after Cara was born and has been having some supply issues since her little guy is having trouble waking to feed. I have been dealing with an oversupply and am pumping 12ozs or more a day just to alleviate SOME pressure from engorgement (i know this is encouraging more production but I am at a high risk for mastitis according to the LC so I am reducing pumping times with each feed). I suggested a SNS or Lact-aid to help supplement at the breast because she was told by the pedi to give a bottle. I also offered her some of the pumped milk I have to supplement with as opposed to using formula and it totally made an awkward situation. This is my first time carrying out a successful nursing relationship and I am not that well-versed in breast-etiquette so PLEASE let me know if I was out of line to offer such a thing. Now please understand that we are very close friends, our husband went to HS together and both volly for the same fire department. Our older son's are one month apart and now our second kiddos 2 days. I just thought it would be a kind gesture considering I am making plenty to store for my DD regardless of being a SAHM that probably won't even touch the stash so I hate to see it sitting there unused. Not to mention she is well aware of the benefits of BM vs formula so was I wrong to assume she would want the best for her LO? Eekk how would you handle this one?

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Old 05-27-2009, 07:22 AM   #2
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Re: Donation offer ... awkward situation?

I think that really nice of you to offer, not out of line at all!
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Old 05-27-2009, 07:23 AM   #3
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Re: Donation offer ... awkward situation?

Well, I guess if she refused I'd just let it lay, kwim? If you guys are that close the moment will pass. There are still plenty of people who feel sharing bm is 'icky' for whatever reason. I'd bet that she has no idea how generous your offer is and just didn't know how to respond appropriately, yes or no.

You can always donate to other mommas in need in your area. Just search on milkshare...
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Old 05-27-2009, 07:35 AM   #4
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Re: Donation offer ... awkward situation?

That's awesome of you to offer! Don't be upset or offended if she turns you down though.... A lot of people still find milk sharing to be gross and unsafe (As my family says).

If she doesn't want it, I'm sure you can easily find another family through milkshare. The link is in my siggy!
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Old 05-27-2009, 07:38 AM   #5
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Re: Donation offer ... awkward situation?

Quote:
Originally Posted by JessieV View Post
I think that really nice of you to offer, not out of line at all!
thanks, I really just wanted to help but hubby and I can't figure out why it seemed so trange to them

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Originally Posted by katsdna View Post
Well, I guess if she refused I'd just let it lay, kwim? If you guys are that close the moment will pass. There are still plenty of people who feel sharing bm is 'icky' for whatever reason. I'd bet that she has no idea how generous your offer is and just didn't know how to respond appropriately, yes or no.

You can always donate to other mommas in need in your area. Just search on milkshare...
She didn't really refuse that's the strange thing she just totally changed subjects and is being really weird I can't imagine people thinking it's icky. They have no problem giving a baby milk processed for a cows nips but not a humans? To each their own I guess but it totally throws me for a loop. I will definitely check out milkshare thanks momma I just get such an empty feeling staring at all that milk taking over my freezer knowing my baby has a full belly and there are so many out there that could use it.

If there is anyone around the Jersey area that would like it PLEASE chime in!
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Old 05-27-2009, 07:40 AM   #6
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Re: Donation offer ... awkward situation?

Where in NJ are you mama? I've traveled to NJ for milk before and am always looking for local donors to help keep up with DD's intake...

ETA: Right now we have 2 donors, both from here... One in OK and one in PA... One more would probably match up to DD's intake!

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Old 05-27-2009, 07:54 AM   #7
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Re: Donation offer ... awkward situation?

i think it is amazing you offered.
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Old 05-27-2009, 07:55 AM   #8
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Re: Donation offer ... awkward situation?

I gave to a friend when our oldest kids were babies and 6 weeks apart. She got pregnant when her DD was 7 months and couldn't pump enough while she was at work. When the subject first came up it was a little strange because we weren't super close. She mentioned she was supplementing formula at daycare because she was only pumping an ounce at a time at work. Meanwhile, I was dumping milk because I already had a chest freezer completely full and didn't know what to do with it all. She jokingly said that she'd love to come raid my freezer and I told her that she was welcome to it. I fessed up to my morning cup of coffee and occasional glass of wine but she was just happy to have it.

The husbands were a little weird with the idea but we just didn't talk about it. My DH was afraid she would sue me if her baby got sick for some reason but told me he didn't really care. Her DH just thought the idea was gross, weird, unnecessary... I just took over a small amount at a time and slowly filled her freezer. I still don't think he knows, haha!

Anyway, your friend knows you have milk and if she wants it she will ask in some way. If not then she's probably just uncomfortable with the idea for whatever reason.
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Old 05-27-2009, 08:22 AM   #9
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Re: Donation offer ... awkward situation?

I think it is great, and I would jump on that, I am still searching for a few more donors, wish we were closer.
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Old 05-27-2009, 08:33 AM   #10
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Re: Donation offer ... awkward situation?

I think that it was great for you to offer. Everyone is different in the opinions about what they think is "weird" or not. My family say they don't think they would give their baby breast milk from someone else. I don't think you were out of line at all. Try not to let it upset you that she is being weird about it. I'm sure that since you guys are so close it will blow over and things will be back to normal soon.
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