Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 06-16-2009, 09:25 PM   #1
firemommaof1's Avatar
firemommaof1
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: By the Blue Lake
Posts: 5,858
My Mood:
Question **Please Give Me Advice!** How to Discipline a 2YR Old?

OK mamas, I need some serious advice for my 2 year old. She is really starting to act up and test her limits. I know it is the age but I can't just sit and do nothing!!! She is now fully hitting me when she's frustrated, pinches me, scratches at my face, pouts, throws fits (throws her self down). She's grabby with toys, screams like bloody murder when you take something.
I've been telling myself that this is a phase but there is only so much I can take. DH wants to spank her but I do not agree with that punishment.
I've been doing time out with her lately but she doesn't care. She's happy as can be to sit in her little chair!!
I've taken toys away and she'll just sit and wave bye-bye to them It is cute in a way but drives me nuts too! It's like she is saying 'see mama, nothing you can do will punish me'. Darn her!!!

So with all that said does anyone have advice? What do you do with your 2 year old?
I never had this problem with my DS. I swear he was like the perfect child! Crazy. Never threw a fit... usually just listened to me
I feel like this is my FIRST kid and I don't know what I'm doing I want my sweet baby back! This monster is taking over

Oh and I wanted to add that she's not 'bad' all the time. It's not like she walks around all day trying to hit me. Mainly when she's frustrated or can't get her way (duh!). Public places are the worst. It's like she knows I can't do anything.
At home when a fit is taking place I just walk away from her. The NO attention punishment... but I can't do that in public so I'm at a loss with that.

Sorry this is so long. I'm tired and it's been a crappy day Please give me some good advice on how to handle this. Thanks.

Advertisement

__________________
* Sage * ~ Married to my handsome man who still makes my heart skip a beat after 12 years!
Mama to My Warrior Son~ 8/19/03 and My Little Mermaid DD~ 5/14/07
Sweet Little Cally 5/23/11
Kai Grayson Arrived June 3 2014
firemommaof1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-16-2009, 09:27 PM   #2
Connors_Mama's Avatar
Connors_Mama
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 3,272
My Mood:
Re: **Please Give Me Advice!** How to Discipline a 2YR Old?

DS does the hitting too and I can't stand it. The only thing that works for us is making him stand in the corner for time out. We had him sit on the stairs for a while for his timeouts but he liked doing that so we had to switch it up But he hates having to stand in the corner...maybe try that
__________________
Renee mom to Connor and Karlie born 2-16-10

Please excuse any typos/grammar issues, I'm probably NAK
Connors_Mama is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-16-2009, 09:48 PM   #3
nakedbabytoes
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Wonderful Nebraska!
Posts: 5,901
My Mood:
Re: **Please Give Me Advice!** How to Discipline a 2YR Old?

My dad took my brother out to the car if we were in public. Nobody knows what happened in that car but my brother would always come back a changed person(I jest, it was nothing bad, just removal from the situation). I know it sucks but you won't have to do it more than a few times. Just leave & go back to the car for 10 minutes. Kindof like a timeout in public. But don't make it fun. Belt her into her seat and get in the passenger seat so she can't see you(or whichever seat that is in front of hers) and gather your thoughts. Give her time to calm down. But thinking you can't do anything is her calling your bluff. We really can't do anything anywhere. Public is no different. My parenting & discipline style is exactly the same either way. Yours should be too. I think she can sense your "please be good, please be good, please be good" mantra. She's on to you! LOL!
__________________
Bye bye.
nakedbabytoes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-16-2009, 09:52 PM   #4
firemommaof1's Avatar
firemommaof1
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: By the Blue Lake
Posts: 5,858
My Mood:
Re: **Please Give Me Advice!** How to Discipline a 2YR Old?

Quote:
Originally Posted by nakedbabytoes View Post
My dad took my brother out to the car if we were in public. Nobody knows what happened in that car but my brother would always come back a changed person(I jest, it was nothing bad, just removal from the situation). I know it sucks but you won't have to do it more than a few times. Just leave & go back to the car for 10 minutes. Kindof like a timeout in public. But don't make it fun. Belt her into her seat and get in the passenger seat so she can't see you(or whichever seat that is in front of hers) and gather your thoughts. Give her time to calm down. But thinking you can't do anything is her calling your bluff. We really can't do anything anywhere. Public is no different. My parenting & discipline style is exactly the same either way. Yours should be too. I think she can sense your "please be good, please be good, please be good" mantra. She's on to you! LOL!
I haven't tried the car time out... I should start though. I guess I've figured that she woudln't understand what was going on... but after today I know she is smarter then that. She is on to me lol.
Thanks for the advice.
__________________
* Sage * ~ Married to my handsome man who still makes my heart skip a beat after 12 years!
Mama to My Warrior Son~ 8/19/03 and My Little Mermaid DD~ 5/14/07
Sweet Little Cally 5/23/11
Kai Grayson Arrived June 3 2014
firemommaof1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-16-2009, 10:22 PM   #5
SewGreenBaby's Avatar
SewGreenBaby
Registered Users
Formerly: Naturally Pampered
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Amarillo, Texas
Posts: 4,821
My Mood:
Re: **Please Give Me Advice!** How to Discipline a 2YR Old?

My ds is 16mos and sounds a lot like your dd. He's hitting, throwing tantrums, smacking himself & banging his head on walls! () He knows when he's being bad and I don't have a clue what to do! We try time out, but I have to physically hold him there and he screams like he's being injured! I'm open to advice from any momma's who have BTDT!
__________________
Amanda, Mama to my 5yo wild child and PITA Hubby.
Baby Alex arrived via successful VBAC 7/23/13!
ISO/IHA: http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/...8#post17157588
SewGreenBaby is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-16-2009, 10:25 PM   #6
Mommy2JJ's Avatar
Mommy2JJ
Registered Users
sitesupporter
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 13,282
Re: **Please Give Me Advice!** How to Discipline a 2YR Old?

My ds is only 20 months, but he does the SAME thing when he gets mad he will hit me in the face, try to pinch me, or something like that. DH thinks I should hit him so he knows he shouldn't do that. To me that makes no sense. ....here he is hitting us physically trying to hurt us whether it's pinching, hitting, etc so what would hitting him/spanking him back teach him? CONFUSING message I think.
__________________
*Meagan*Love being a SAH Homeschooling Mama to my 4 + Baby 5 due 10/14.


Mommy2JJ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-16-2009, 10:36 PM   #7
Rebeldream's Avatar
Rebeldream
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Fallon, NV
Posts: 3,385
My Mood:
Re: **Please Give Me Advice!** How to Discipline a 2YR Old?

Give this a good read...

http://sandradodd.com/parentingpeacefully

It's worth the time. I'm struggling to understand many of the things in there and put them into practice as I was raised with spanking as discipline. Good luck figuring it all out!
__________________
-Kelli, single mama to 12 y/o Callista and 7 y/o Rickson.

Swagbucks Pre-PL'ing Diaper Stash My Love of Cloth Rebel MCloth Tutorial
Rebeldream is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-16-2009, 11:27 PM   #8
tallanvor
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 13,307
Re: **Please Give Me Advice!** How to Discipline a 2YR Old?

I have a good friend who makes her children put their nose on the wall for time outs so they can't see what's going on. I've done that a few times with my older two, but they were older when we did. At 2 we generally do time-outs. We have done little swats on occasion, but mostly time-outs. We take toys and books away as necessary and remove from the situation. I also explain things to them, such as how when they can't do something they need to use their words and ask for help. Even before they could really say help, they could at least sign "please". And sometimes I just stick them in their bed and tell them they can come out when they are done screaming (assuming they are screaming just to scream)
tallanvor is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-17-2009, 01:48 AM   #9
LilyGrace
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 2,851
Re: **Please Give Me Advice!** How to Discipline a 2YR Old?

Punishment does not work with 2yos. It just doesn't. The reaction is too far from the act for them to connect on that deeper level punishment requires.

The purpose of time out, in the punitive sense, takes away the idea of time out. Make sense? Time outs are for calming down, right? For getting a grip on things again? When you attach a time limit and focus on that time limit, so does the child. So she sits. So what? It doesn't mean anything to her that she's sitting except mom will say get up. Making it punitive takes away the lesson. They get nothing out of it except a punishment.

Taking toys away requires her to not only have fostered a deep connection to those toys, but also to fight her (age-appropriate) impulse control and try to prevent it before it happens. It's an instant recipe for failure.



The reaction from you has to be swift, logical, and most importantly, it has to help. Think about it - she's been on this earth for 2 years. She's only talked, walked, etc. for one of those. How do you expect her to have the knowledge she needs? With talking, she had opportunities to practice over and over first with sounds, then single words, and she's still getting it down. She makes mistakes. But you helped. You encouraged the baby steps - the sounds, the single words and didn't get upset when she said babababababa instead of mamamamamama.

She needs the same right now to learn social graces and control of her feelings. As she develops, she'll get better and better at it, but right now she needs this from you:

-Empathy. Put yourself in her shoes.

-Modeling. You say she's grabby, but then yells when you take something. Um.............YES! You have just modeled for her how to take! She completed it successfully, and you took back. It's not fair! It doesn't make sense. What manners do you want her to use? You won't be able to avoid taking things out of her hands, but practicing at home with giving freely/using our words helps. Show her how you are angry, too. Talk yourself through situations that make you frustrated and exaggerate the feeling for her.

-Help. Hardest and the easiest. What does she need from you right now? A friend of mine wrote a great piece about the five stages of tantrums that helped me so much. Why is she kicking and screaming? What do you need when you're upset? For some kids, they need to be held close and soothing words. Others need time alone. What does she need to learn how to calm down so she can then learn the skills to do it on her own?

-Teaching. TEACH over and over and over again what she needs to do.





This all assumes your daughter is having a tantrum to begin with. But there are ways to prevent it, too:

-have clear rules and expectations. Keep it simple, try for under 5 words for each one, and around 3 or less at a time. When the rules are broken, give one chance and then leave/remove the child/stop the activity.

-be playful. Encourage a good attitude by having one of your own. Make time every day for just play.

-let her be interested. Talk through everything. If she comes up to help, let her help.

-use positive phrasing. There's such a difference in our reactions when we change our words!
"No, not today"
is easily
Yes, we can go tomorrow. Let's make a calendar (use sheets of paper, tack up three activities in a row - dinner, bed, park! Gotta love Dora's examples. )

or
Not so rough!
becomes
Gentle touch, like this

We use 'no' a lot with littles, in every form possible. Say yes. Show them what you expect and teach it. Save the negatives for a more important time. It even works with directions:

Hands stay in the cart.
The cup belongs on the table.
It's time to put our shoes on.


You're giving real information that is non-negotiable. There are no pleases, no favors, no requirement for her to decide to cooperate. It's just "this is the way it is, there's no way not to do it". The world marches on, and if the rules are broken, you leave the store, the cup gets put in the fridge, and shoes go on anyway. It's not a big deal. That doesn't mean there won't be tears or tantrums, only that you can focus on "yes, it does hurt when we don't get what we want. I know......." instead of mini-lecturing about how if she had followed directions...


They learn. In a month, if you come back and look at this post you'll disagree with yourself about who she is. Not because of any discipline, but because she's just grown so much in that single month. It gets easier every day.








ETA: one more thing that I had roaming around my head this morning - punishment for feeling never, EVER works. How would you feel if you had a really rough morning and you vented to your dh about the package that arrived all stinky, the sink overflowing, the kids running amok....aaaarrrrghhhhH! And your dh's response was I'm not going to talk to you right now. You need to go take 30 minutes in the corner and give me your computer. You can have it back when I decide you're calm.
1. he did nothing to help the situation, just added to your bad day.
2. he robbed you of any self dignity you had
3. he just taught you that you can't come to him with problems.

This is not okay. It's not okay to treat a child like that, either. They need the same things we need - an ear, help getting through it, and ways to be in control of themselves.
__________________
Left DS because of lack of virus control.

Last edited by LilyGrace; 06-17-2009 at 01:54 AM.
LilyGrace is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-17-2009, 05:44 AM   #10
kellyjean615's Avatar
kellyjean615
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 197
My Mood:
Re: **Please Give Me Advice!** How to Discipline a 2YR Old?

Wow LilyGrace, thank you for your post, it was just what I needed to hear after my night with my 2 year old. Hope it helps the OP too!!
__________________
Kelly , wife to DH , Mom to my sweet little Chloe, aka Coco, and Zachary, born July 5th!

I have feedback on ebay (geminichef) and The Babywearer (kellyjean615) too! .
kellyjean615 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.