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Old 01-04-2007, 10:05 PM   #1
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ppd support thread

Hi mamas,

This is a thread for those of us who either have or think we have ppd.

Feel free to vent, ask for help, check in from time to time, and share your experiences.

Allow this to be our "group therapy"

Welcome!

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Old 01-05-2007, 07:45 AM   #2
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Re: ppd support thread

Already yelling by 9am...maybe that'll help me remember to take the zoloft. I'm really going to try to make today a better day. I'm getting dh up soon so he can help me out and get the house manageable before he has to go to work..that way I can have the afternoon/evening to not be so stressed out by outside things (rather than the kids - cuz they'll stress me out anyway...but it might be easier without EXTRA stress). Wednesday was just a terrible, terrible day for me...and by wednesday evening..I kept starting to cry and making myself stop (i'd rather be alone and cry)...and today..my face STILL feels puffy. Anyway, thanks for starting this thread. I'd love to go to some sort of therapy/counselor/psychiatrist - but I've already checked with our insurance coverage and we can't afford it right now.
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Old 01-05-2007, 08:06 AM   #3
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Re: ppd support thread

I am feeling much better this time around, but I was SO there with you with my last dd. I am normally a pretty low key person, but when she was a few months old I would find myself cursing under my breath and sometimes out loud virtually all the time. I was often really angry with my dh, and I was obsessive about the baby, checking on her multiple times per night, and having strange hallucinations/nightmares that she was falling or suffocating and I needed to help her. Of course, it didn't help that she had been in the nicu in a scary situation for 3 weeks, and then came home to be colicky.

There is hope, and you'll feel better. This won't necessarily happen next time, either. just wanted to offer
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Old 01-05-2007, 08:22 AM   #4
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Re: ppd support thread

Well, sign me up.

I'm taking zoloft too, and it was really helping but i think i need to 'up' the dose. I'm up every two hours and night with dd to nurse and that is making me INSANE. I've been in rough shape over the holidays b/c ds has been home and G-d love him it is just more work than i can handle under the circumstances....dd was born just before school started and i've never really had them both full time by myself...and normall i can deal with it, but i'm so tired and dd is teething something awful...and i just miss dh so much and was so looking forward to the holiday but then he had to spend every waking minute with ds (naturally, b/c ds deserves to spend time with daddy) but i need him to help me deal with dd too!!! Nothing anyone can do about it....

Anyway, rambling....but happy to be in group therapy with you mammas!!

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Old 01-05-2007, 11:01 AM   #5
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Re: ppd support thread

Count me in! The babies have been terrible sleepers lately, and I finally have them on a kind of routine but they're still getting up every 3 hours like clockwork and I'm really run down. I keep thinking if I could get some sleep, I'd pull myself together, but I don't know how/when/if that's ever going to happen. To top things off, my five year old is really unhappy lately and I'm thinking of homeschooling him. I think it might really be good, but this is not the ideal time, w/the twins little and me so tired. I don't know, I hate feeling so indecisive.

Anyway, here I am! I'll be back a lot, I'm sure. I'm looking forward to getting to know you all.
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Old 01-05-2007, 05:21 PM   #6
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Re: ppd support thread

Well after being off my medication for a month (no insurance) we finally have insurance again and I have taken two doses. I'm a different person all ready. Still having a hard time. I was much better at school today, but when I picked up DS and had to stop to get his prescriptions, he was wild. He climbs out of everything and destroys everything. I feel like I am a bad parent and can't handle or deal with my child sometimes. He is so moody and destructive! He climbs and breaks everything! Nevermind what he dumps. I thought this would stop by 2. I feel like I'm dealing with my son most of the time rather than enjoying him.
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Old 01-05-2007, 05:45 PM   #7
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Re: ppd support thread

I'm afraid I might be here more often now. I was put on Zoloft in my third trimester because I have a history of attempted suicide...meaning my chances for PPD and PPP were very high. The Zoloft does wonders. Except I just kind of stopped taking it at one point. I thought I was fine...

Then one night DS decided he just wanted to scream. He didn't want to nurse, be held, be put down...nothing. And DH's favorite thing when DS is upset is to throw him to me and say "Nurse him!" He was not understanding that DS did not want to nurse. And I wanted to throw DS at his head...or worse, up against a wall. So I put him down on the bed and walked away. DH made matters worse by making it into a fight...told me I was leaving my child, ect. It was terrible.

So I went back on Zoloft. I ran out 2 days ago. I still owe my OB/GYN some money for my birth (we planned a UC and ended up in the hospital, so it was a bill we were not expecting). Apparently she's holding my refills hostage until I pay her. So I'm med-free right now and scared to death, especially since DS is teething terribly. So far I'm dealing pretty well, but I made it I think 2 months the first time without my meds before I lost it. *sighs* Hopefully I'll be able to get her paid soon so that I can have my Zoloft back...
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Old 01-05-2007, 06:00 PM   #8
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Re: ppd support thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Moonprysm View Post
Apparently she's holding my refills hostage until I pay her.
Is this even legal???? I am serious!!!!! You gotta find out if that's legal or go somewhere else - like a clinic or something!!!!

to everyone...

I am a silent sufferer.. so far it has been alright
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Old 01-05-2007, 06:10 PM   #9
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Re: ppd support thread

I was on zoloft through my third trimester and then after birth. My pregnancy was very complicated, I was on bedrest, and it was surrounded by a horrible situation where I lost a loved one and my entire support systems because I did something really bad. I lost all of my online support systems as well for the same reason.

In two years time (dd is 15 months old now) I have not gotten any new irl friends and am pretty much a hermit. I am really scared to leave the house, thinking people are looking at me, and I get really bad panic attacks.

I get so mad at the kids. It's hard to drag myself out of bed, off the computer.. to "do" anything or be involved in anything. I just want to sleep or be left alone. I am still convinced that one morning I will wake up and dd will be dead in her crib because I didn't check on her enough times. She scares me a lot, chokes often when she eats and then I have a panic attack when that happens too.

I don't want this to be a pityparty or anything like that. I feel like I deserved what happened to me but now I can't move on from it and feel like my life is over and my family would be better off without me. I don't have suicidal thoughts, I just don't want to be here making their lives bad. Everyone surrounding that situation pretty much convinced me I wasn't a good person who did a bad thing, but a bad person who could never do anything right ever ever ever again.

We moved, and the holidays were hard emotionally and also chaotic you know? so now I have no home that feels familiar, and all the neighbors are strangers.

I think I need to see somebody, but I can't even go to the ob because dd is walking now/no bucket seat and I just can't face taking her to doc's offices with me.

it is embarassing and shameful to me to post this. I don't deserve any help cuz I brought it all on myself anyway.
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Old 01-05-2007, 06:22 PM   #10
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Re: ppd support thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by ravenonyx View Post
it is embarassing and shameful to me to post this. I don't deserve any help cuz I brought it all on myself anyway.
This is not true at all. You do deserve help. whatever it is you did, it was a mistake, you know that now, and you don't deserve to be beat up about it for the rest of your life! Whether by others or by yourself!

Welcome, thanks for sharing, and .
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