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Old 05-23-2006, 07:56 PM   #1
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I need an attitude adjustment!

I feel as if I need an attitude adjustment and there is no better place for that than DS.
Sierra is 15mo and was a high needs/fussy baby. Fit almost all the characteristics. She has never slept through the night and in fact nurses every three hrs + sometimes constantly for hours in the wee hours of the am

I am feeling....... well I am not sure. frustrated? Resentfull
We cosleep and really in our small house thats the only option. I put the pack n play up and layed her in it and she scfreamed in terror. Her usual reaction to that. Although I did trick her into naping in there today.I just thought if the cow wasn't so close she would sleep. She loves her nunny and still nurses like a small infant- all the time. I just feel like I need a break from all this nursing. Weaning is outta the question. I am not so sure bout night weaning.
It's just aweful anymore. She is some (many) nights constantly nursing and groping and pinching. I feel abused! I do the PPO and have tried some of the other techniques. There was a couple week span where things were miserable round here trying the NCSS. We gave up. oh the way this child can scream for a nunny! I am at my wits end. CIO suddenly seems like an option....maybe
Oh help set my head straight. I feel like I am the problem. Like maybe I am having a bad attitude. tia


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Old 05-23-2006, 08:05 PM   #2
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Re: I need an attitude adjustment!

my ds nurses all night long practically! And rarely goes longer than 3 hours during the day either. I am ok most of the time......but when sleep deprivation and lack of "mommy" time catch up with me.....I definitely get beyond frustration! He refuses to take anything but the boob too! Won't even consider cereal.....been trying for about 6 weeks now, and he just clamps his mouth shut and out and out refuses to open it! So, I guess breastmilk really IS best - LOL!
I hope you can find a way to release some of that upset and be much happier for both of your sakes!
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Old 05-23-2006, 08:43 PM   #3
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Re: I need an attitude adjustment!

i've never considered my dd particularly high-needs, but she doesn't sleep through the night and still usually nurses at least 1-2x a night....but i'm getting a little off-track

a couple things that helped me

1)realizing that my dd is totally completely normal for wanting to nurse and not sleeping through the night - someone started a thead awhile back where it was said that developmentally many children aren't really ready to sleep through the night til at least made me feel less like i was doing something wrong

2)figuring out ways to get breaks for myself. i found that i was starting to resent the time commitment of nursing - particularly in the evenings/at night. it was always worst when i was laying there in bed with dd trying to get her to go to sleep and thinking about all the other things that i wanted/needed to be doing. it helped to focus on just enjoying/relaxing being with dd. and also to get dh in on the action - taking her for 5 minutes when it was starting to get to me - time to take a deep breath, go to the bathroom, get some water, etc.

there are some nights that are just rough - usually when she's teething. at the worst it can be about a week of bad sleeping/lots of night waking/etc. i have the luxury of having a dh who works from home so he can let me sleep in some in the mornings. or i found that sometimes i just have to go to bed earlier to get enough sleep.

i think the really important thing is to figure out what really triggers your frustration. you mentioned pinching/groping - and that's one that can really drive me up the wall, esp. if i haven't trimmed her fingernails recently enough. she gets really mad at me when i keep her hand away from the other side - about the only thing i've found that would stop her was to nurse her from the top boob & keep the other one sort of under me.

we've (mainly dh) half-heartedly tried cio and i just really can't get behind it myself. it's just not the right solution for us. nightweaning might be an option - but honestly that's more work than i want to put in to stopping something that doesn't really bother me 90% of the time. you just have to weigh it all out for yourself i guess. dr. jay gordon has a nightweaning technique on his website that's for an older nursling (like yours).

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Old 05-24-2006, 06:39 AM   #4
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Re: I need an attitude adjustment!

My firstborn was highneeds (well, still is, it's just different when they're preschoolers! LOL)...I vividly remember the feelings of frustration and exhaustion that can accompany a truly high-need baby! :bighugs: It is HARD!

The one thing that made a difference for me was to realize that I needed to take care of ME. It's NOT selfish for you to take time for yourself, it's a real need for any mother but a NECESSITY for a mom of a high-need baby. Make a list of things that "refuel" you, whether it's a bubble bath, time to read, a shopping trip alone (even just to get groceries! LOL) and then arrange to make it happen.

Spend at least 10 minutes a day doing something for YOU. (Even just spluring on some new lotion or something special for yourself is good!)

When you can recharge your own batteries, you will have tons more patience for your DD.

And honestly, momma, it DOES get better! Hang in there! Why not just give yourself a deadline (say, 2 weeks) and decide to do nothing about her sleep for that amount of time, just hug her lots and accept it for what it is. In two weeks, try a small change (decreasing the length of a nursing session, perhaps, or having her nap in her bed for a change..just one small change) and see how that goes for two weeks. If no improvement, take another two week break.

Speaking as a mom of a high-need boy, you may be shocked to find that when she outgrows many of these needs (often all of a sudden) then you will find yourself missing this time...I know you may not believe me now, but it's true! LOL

Hang in there, PM me if you ever want to...I do know how hard it is. You WILL make it!
Bethany, wife and sweetheart to Steve since 6/03/00
Mommy to: Joey (6/13/02), Bryan (6/23/04), Caden & Ellyson (10/04/06)
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Old 05-24-2006, 07:55 AM   #5
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Re: I need an attitude adjustment!

I guess I will go against the grain here and say that I think you need to focus on YOU! Put yourself first for a while! You are not the problem here....there is NO reason that your DD needs to nurse that often! I think she has started a habit that she doesn't want to break! Nutritionally there is no reason for her to nurse that often!

Just my opinions tho....My DS is the same age as your DD....and I have a newborn....I can't even imagine my newborn wanting to nurse that often...let alone a 15 month old! It must be SO hard on you....I hope you can find something that will work out for the both of you!
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Old 05-24-2006, 08:52 AM   #6
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Re: I need an attitude adjustment!

I am going to suggest one more thing to you. Both mine were heavy night nursers too. I found though around 18months that they started to slow down a bit. So my big suggestion is give it just a couple more months there is a big difference developmently between 15-18m. Also get some time to yourself if you can. I found making dh watch the baby so I could get a shower by myself was so helpful in recharging. Also mine could be distratcted my grandma for longer periods of time and I could get to the store or something. Hang in there.
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Old 05-24-2006, 10:06 AM   #7
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Re: I need an attitude adjustment!

i have a similar situation w/DS, and when i let go of everything else--what needs to be done around the house, what's for dinner tomorrow, etc.--and focus on the moment that i am in--nursing, nursing, nursing, i enjoy my son and nursing a lot more. my husband is usually the one who reminds me of this. i get really frustruated, he tells me to let all other responsibilities go, and then somehow everything just falls (somewhat) into place. i think that DS must be able to sense when my mind is somewhere else or i don't want to be nursing, and he wants my full attention! so, when i give him that attention, i find that his needs are met, and then he lets me go, and i can meet my needs (a minute alone!). i hope this helps. there are certainly rough days and rougher nights, but as one of my friends always points out to me when i'm frazzled, there is such a short amount of time when they are this little and will let us hold them this tightly, try to relish it--even when they are pulling your hair out (DS's favorite thing to do while nursing!).
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Old 05-24-2006, 12:28 PM   #8
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Re: I need an attitude adjustment!

Both of my kids wanted mama all the time. DD (now 6, also named Sierra) wouldn't eat any solids until about 11 months - she was 15 pounds at the time). DS (11.5 months) eats a couple tablespoons of baby food a day and some Gerber Finger Puffs - gets most of nutrition from nursing and he weighs 22 pounds. He usually nurses at least twice during the night and we have an extended nursing (about 45 minutes) right before bed. I nurse him frequently throughout the day.

Both of my kids also need a lot of physical contact (even DD still needs lots of snuggle time) and that did require an attitude adjustment for me - with DD I learned to accept that's what she needed and somehow I would get my mommy time without a kid attached in a sling or to the breast. DS has been the same way.

We don't cosleep (I can never sleep with a child/baby in the bed - no particular reason, I just can't), so I can't comment on that. Have you read the No Cry Sleep Solution? I think I remember reading some ideas about cosleeping in there.

I'm sorry I don't have any really good ideas for you. Keep your spirits up and you'll later remember these times fondly. They do grow so fast.
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