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Old 06-25-2010, 06:44 PM   #51
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Re: What we wish you knew about pregnancy loss

I'm so sorry to all the gals who know how this feels first hand.

I had a m/c 2.5 weeks ago at 8 weeks. A few days ago, one of the few friends of mine who knew about my preg and my m/c informed me that 2 aquaintances of ours are (I almost wrote "also") preg right now. I know she was just sharing happy news with me, but it felt like she dropped a ton of bricks on my chest. I didn't say anything about how I felt to her and somehow managed to play it cool, but when I got home I mentioned to DH how much it hurt to hear that. He actually made me feel like kind of a jerk for being upset by that.

So, I was happy to read this sticky, somehow I hadn't noticed it before. My feelings are normal. I lost a child. It's a big deal.

Thanks for posting, and hugs to all the angel mamas.

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Old 06-25-2010, 07:25 PM   #52
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Re: What we wish you knew about pregnancy loss

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Originally Posted by jenvbear View Post
It may not have been my fault, but it was my responsibility and I failed. The fact that I never stood a chance of succeeding only makes me feel worse. This tiny little being depended upon me to bring him safely into the world and I couldn't do it. I was supposed to care for him for a lifetime, but I couldn't even give him a childhood. I am so angry at my body you just can't imagine.
I m/c'd my third pregnancy and YDD's twin.

This is totally how I felt and I've never really been able to put it into words. Thank you for posting this. I read this part to DH and he finally got it.
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Old 09-05-2010, 09:04 PM   #53
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Re: What we wish you knew about pregnancy loss

Thank you for posting!
I lost my angel at 37 weeks 4 days. I cherish each and everyone of those days with her, but they were far too few! She passed away nearly 4 years ago. I love her, she's my child and I remember her vividly. My sons who never had the opportunity to meet their sister both know of her and love her also. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her or I'm reminded of her.

What hurts most are those that met her, held her and got a glimpse of her no longer speak of her, recognize her as our daughter or remember her birthday. If they do, they don't acknowledge it or verbalize it. It would be comforting to have them share in her rememberance.

My husband is supportive, but he too admits that it never affected him to the same degree as it did myself because my bond with her was a physical one, not just emotional as it was with him. I am thankful though that he does speak of her and remembers her special day.

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Old 09-10-2010, 02:03 AM   #54
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Re: What we wish you knew about pregnancy loss

THank you, I have seen this on other boards before, I new to this one. I lost my 1st born son at 23wks and 6days due to an incompetent cervix. My dad actually told me I was better off less than an hour after his heart stopped beating because I had not finished college yet and he thought my husband and I should have waited until we were done with school. I don't think that people realize that it takes your breath away and hurts you deeper than you knew you could feel. I couldn't say the words for months, when someone would ask me, or mention it, or I saw a newbie or I would see a preggo I would freeze, my poor ex would have to literally step in front of me and take people aside to explain to them. I couldn't move I was so frozen by the pain. I did not talk to my dad until my daughter was born almost a yr to the day that my angel baby was born and died. She was also a preemie. I don't want anyone to actually understand that pain but they need to understand what is appropriate and what isn't, words do hurt and they hurt deeply.
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Old 09-13-2010, 07:41 PM   #55
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Re: What we wish you knew about pregnancy loss

thanks so much for posting this
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Old 09-13-2010, 07:49 PM   #56
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Re: What we wish you knew about pregnancy loss

thank you.
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Old 09-14-2010, 11:46 AM   #57
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Re: What we wish you knew about pregnancy loss

that is EXACTLY what I've been looking for...I have friends that seem distant now, change the subject when I mention him, or have told me that they don't understand why I feel the way I do...I will send this to them
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Old 09-25-2010, 07:11 AM   #58
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Re: What we wish you knew about pregnancy loss

Thanks you so much for posting this! I'm still struggling wtih the loss! Being a mother is the only thing I've ever known I've wanted to do my whole life! I've know since a little girl that I wanted to be a mom, and it was taken away from me a few weeks ago. People (including my dh) keep saying oh you can try again it will be ok, it happened for a reason! I just want to yell "I HAD A MISCARRAGE I'M NOT STUPID I KNOW I CAN TRY AGAIN!!! but what if i have ANOTHER MC i dont want to feel that pain again!! What if I cant What if that was MY ONLY chance!?!?! What do you all say to that!?!?!" I'm hurt and angry and it takes all I have to cope with it daily. I push it aside and try to be stong, but when i'm alone It all comes out!! I'm worried about every twinge I feel if and when we do get prego again. I'm worried about having to go through this again. Unless you've gone through this you don't understand. I have a good friend that is 23 weeks prego now we got pregnent 3-4 months apart and we were soo happy... we i'm no longer prego and she knows she's having a boy and is picking out names, and it just sucks. I'm truely happy for her, but its hard to put on a happy face each and every time I'm around her... She's very supportive of me and is leary about talking about her baby around me, but its hard. SO HARD to find that balance of being a friend and trying to greive!!! Sorry i'm venting I dont have many to talk to since my husband doesn't see why its so upsetting to me, He says we can make another one, and we can try again, and it happened for a reason. He's pushing me away with this!!! UGGGGG is all i can say!!! Thanks for posting this and I've enjoyed reading everyones posts! My heat aches for us all!
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Old 09-25-2010, 09:58 PM   #59
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Re: What we wish you knew about pregnancy loss

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Originally Posted by corinneng View Post
Thanks you so much for posting this! I'm still struggling wtih the loss! Being a mother is the only thing I've ever known I've wanted to do my whole life! I've know since a little girl that I wanted to be a mom, and it was taken away from me a few weeks ago. People (including my dh) keep saying oh you can try again it will be ok, it happened for a reason! I just want to yell "I HAD A MISCARRAGE I'M NOT STUPID I KNOW I CAN TRY AGAIN!!! but what if i have ANOTHER MC i dont want to feel that pain again!! What if I cant What if that was MY ONLY chance!?!?! What do you all say to that!?!?!" I'm hurt and angry and it takes all I have to cope with it daily. I push it aside and try to be stong, but when i'm alone It all comes out!! I'm worried about every twinge I feel if and when we do get prego again. I'm worried about having to go through this again. Unless you've gone through this you don't understand. I have a good friend that is 23 weeks prego now we got pregnent 3-4 months apart and we were soo happy... we i'm no longer prego and she knows she's having a boy and is picking out names, and it just sucks. I'm truely happy for her, but its hard to put on a happy face each and every time I'm around her... She's very supportive of me and is leary about talking about her baby around me, but its hard. SO HARD to find that balance of being a friend and trying to greive!!! Sorry i'm venting I dont have many to talk to since my husband doesn't see why its so upsetting to me, He says we can make another one, and we can try again, and it happened for a reason. He's pushing me away with this!!! UGGGGG is all i can say!!! Thanks for posting this and I've enjoyed reading everyones posts! My heat aches for us all!
[hug] Aww.. sweetie, I'm so sorry for your loss. I've heard it so many times and this just supports it... women become moms when we get pregnant, and (most) men don't become dads until the baby is born. I think you should sit down with your hubby and let him know that his words are pushing you away. Even if he doesn't understand or share our grief he should still be supportive of you. Heck, let him read this thread if you want. I'm sure it would be eye opening for him. Plus, how can you feel comfortable or safe trying again if you can't lean on him?
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Old 10-05-2010, 08:14 AM   #60
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Re: What we wish you knew about pregnancy loss

Thank you for posting this. I have had people say the most INSENSITIVE things to me after a miscarriage. I mean, really unbelievable stuff. I have found that it's such a taboo subject too, but when you really talk to people, you find out many women share what you've gone through. My heart goes out to every woman who has suffered the loss of a pregnancy.
-Courtney
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