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Old 01-10-2007, 05:42 PM   #11
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Re: Do you allow your kids to question you?

I guess I feel differently about this. I think my dc should obey me withOUT questioning me. However, after they have listened to me and done what I have asked, I would def be okay and would even like them coming and asking me why. Here is my reasoning for this thought. Children cannot grasp the concept of cause and effect for quite some time. If we were walking somewhere and my dc ran into the road, I should be able to say "XXX get out of the road..." and they should respond immediately. If they were young enough they would have no idea that a car could hit them and kill them, and even if I told them before they may not grasp it. If they were always allowed to ask "why" first, then they would still be in the road saying "Why mommy?" and then who knows what could happen. So I am trying to prepare my child to always obey first and ask questions later. Hope that made some sense.

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Old 01-10-2007, 05:46 PM   #12
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Re: Do you allow your kids to question you?

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Respectfully question, sure! How else will they learn? I think it helps teach them to think for themselves.

Rudely, sarcastically question- no. That is disrespectful.
ITA!

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Old 01-10-2007, 06:00 PM   #13
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Re: Do you allow your kids to question you?

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Respectfully question, sure! How else will they learn? I think it helps teach them to think for themselves.

Rudely, sarcastically question- no. That is disrespectful.
ditto
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Old 01-10-2007, 06:16 PM   #14
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Re: Do you allow your kids to question you?

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Originally Posted by ocfb16 View Post
I guess I feel differently about this. I think my dc should obey me withOUT questioning me. However, after they have listened to me and done what I have asked, I would def be okay and would even like them coming and asking me why. Here is my reasoning for this thought. Children cannot grasp the concept of cause and effect for quite some time. If we were walking somewhere and my dc ran into the road, I should be able to say "XXX get out of the road..." and they should respond immediately. If they were young enough they would have no idea that a car could hit them and kill them, and even if I told them before they may not grasp it. If they were always allowed to ask "why" first, then they would still be in the road saying "Why mommy?" and then who knows what could happen. So I am trying to prepare my child to always obey first and ask questions later. Hope that made some sense.
Well, but there is a difference I think. Jackson is only 9 months old, and normally when I tell him no, or stop, or come here, etc. He laughs at me and crawls faster in the other direction, he's a mess like that. BUT, there have been 2 times that he's gone for something dangerous and I yelled across the room "JACKSON STOP!" and he did stop immediately and crawled right to me. He could tell in my tone that it was not like other times. I guess I feel like if you have a certain bond with your child, they will know the right times to question and the right times to act immediately. Just like I know with Jackson, sometimes he's screaming because he's tired/hungry/grumpy and sometimes something is really truely wrong. I know him. KWIM?
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Old 01-10-2007, 06:16 PM   #15
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Re: Do you allow your kids to question you?

I don't believe in "blind faith" and this is along the same line for me. We all including children have powerful minds and we should all use them. If I just tell my children "no don't touch the oven because I said so" then they might not make the connection that the reason is because it is hot and I will get burned. I agree respect is vital but respect is a two way street. I personally have seen too many parents treat their little people like little inmates (not directed to anyone here). I will not begin to tell anyone how to parent but for me these two children are smart and if they want reasons for our actions I will give them.

My children do listen when I ask them to do something. We have had many conversations about why it is important to act when mommy or daddy asks (i.e. come here if there is danger or something) but questions and discussions are always a welcoming experience in our home.

My father always says “Uneducated people do what they are told.... educated people question what they are told”
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Old 01-10-2007, 06:20 PM   #16
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Re: Do you allow your kids to question you?

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Well, but there is a difference I think. Jackson is only 9 months old, and normally when I tell him no, or stop, or come here, etc. He laughs at me and crawls faster in the other direction, he's a mess like that. BUT, there have been 2 times that he's gone for something dangerous and I yelled across the room "JACKSON STOP!" and he did stop immediately and crawled right to me. He could tell in my tone that it was not like other times. I guess I feel like if you have a certain bond with your child, they will know the right times to question and the right times to act immediately. Just like I know with Jackson, sometimes he's screaming because he's tired/hungry/grumpy and sometimes something is really truely wrong. I know him. KWIM?
I agree tone is true to. When there is danger mom's have a certain tone about them. I have always noticed when I am scared and ask my children to do something they do it and have a look in their eyes that I can't really explain. It is almost like they are look to me on how to react to this situation... I can't really explain it just very thankful for it. Many because we are scary we omit a certain scent or something..
..
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Old 01-10-2007, 06:21 PM   #17
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Re: Do you allow your kids to question you?

How are children supposed to grow up to be independently thinking, rational, responsible, take-charge adults without questioning things? I certainly want my child to question me, his father, his grandparents, the weather man, his teachers, everything, everyone!
I hope to guide him to do it respectfully, but I do not want to raise a sheep. If I require that he just automatically listen to everything he is told to do, then I worry that will make him less likely to stand up for himself later on, when I'm not there to do it for him.

My parents allowed me to question everyone, and sometimes I didn't "get it" and would just have to do what I was told. For example, my mom would tell me to clean my room. I would ask why, she would say, "because its dirty and rooms are supposed to be neat". I would reply with something along the lines of "But, its MY room, and I don't mind it." She would say, "I understand that, but its in my house, and it bothers me that its so messy. I want you to clean it because it will look better and I think you will have more fun playing in there if its clean."
I still didn't understand, exactly, but I did it anyway, and her giving me a reason somehow made it easier to deal with. We had these conversations when I was pre-school age.
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Old 01-10-2007, 06:22 PM   #18
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Re: Do you allow your kids to question you?

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Originally Posted by ocfb16 View Post
I guess I feel differently about this. I think my dc should obey me withOUT questioning me. However, after they have listened to me and done what I have asked, I would def be okay and would even like them coming and asking me why. Here is my reasoning for this thought. Children cannot grasp the concept of cause and effect for quite some time. If we were walking somewhere and my dc ran into the road, I should be able to say "XXX get out of the road..." and they should respond immediately. If they were young enough they would have no idea that a car could hit them and kill them, and even if I told them before they may not grasp it. If they were always allowed to ask "why" first, then they would still be in the road saying "Why mommy?" and then who knows what could happen. So I am trying to prepare my child to always obey first and ask questions later. Hope that made some sense.
Agreed! While I don't think my kids should never question ANY adult, we are trying to teach them that when Mommy or Daddy tells them something, they are to respond right away, not just after a long explaination session. Like you said, it is fine for them to ask why if they don't understand, especially afterward. But it gets very tiresome as a parent when every request is countered with, "Why Mommy?" or "But...." Maybe that's not where the OP was going with this... but it's just my !
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Old 01-10-2007, 07:00 PM   #19
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Re: Do you allow your kids to question you?

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Originally Posted by Tiffer23 View Post
Respectfully question, sure! How else will they learn? I think it helps teach them to think for themselves.

Rudely, sarcastically question- no. That is disrespectful.

Exactly.
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Old 01-10-2007, 08:39 PM   #20
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Re: Do you allow your kids to question you?

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Originally Posted by ocfb16 View Post
I guess I feel differently about this. I think my dc should obey me withOUT questioning me. However, after they have listened to me and done what I have asked, I would def be okay and would even like them coming and asking me why. Here is my reasoning for this thought. Children cannot grasp the concept of cause and effect for quite some time. If we were walking somewhere and my dc ran into the road, I should be able to say "XXX get out of the road..." and they should respond immediately. If they were young enough they would have no idea that a car could hit them and kill them, and even if I told them before they may not grasp it. If they were always allowed to ask "why" first, then they would still be in the road saying "Why mommy?" and then who knows what could happen. So I am trying to prepare my child to always obey first and ask questions later. Hope that made some sense.
I agree with this as well. After dd listens to me, I'll be more than happy to answer any and all questions she may have.
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