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Old 01-16-2007, 02:59 PM   #21
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Re: discipline for toddlers??

thanks sarah
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Old 01-16-2007, 03:49 PM   #22
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Re: discipline for toddlers??

You have no idea how much I appreciate your advice. THANK YOU...THANK YOU...Okay, I think I am almost ready to talk to DH and try this out. Quick couple questions though....as if you didn't know that was coming...Would you advice I use a crib, playpen, or blanket. OR...should I try the blanket and if it fails...try something else. I like the idea of them "choosing" to stay until they are ready to return. Where do you put your blanket and what do you call it again? We have a small duplex so the living room is connected somewhat to the kitchen. We spend most of our time in those areas. The couple bedrooms are away from everything else. Any suggestions? Let me make sure I have this right...if i do use the blanket...I just keep bringing her back again and again until she stops crying/whining. How many times do I do this? I feel like I will be bringing her back a million times...is that what you had to do at first? ...Also (if i use a crib/playpen), she will always reach out her hands for "love" even if she is still tantruming. Is that the time when I wait for her to stop making "icky noises" (that's a cute term) before she gets out because if I pick her up I will probably be giving her what she wants. However, I also don't want to leave her in the crib/playpen for too long. Man, I am confusing myself so I know I am confusing you. What do you think...I promise I won't bug you much more...I hope I don't sound like a totally clueless parent! Thanks again
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Old 01-16-2007, 04:06 PM   #23
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Re: discipline for toddlers??

Quote:
Originally Posted by ashandri View Post
You have no idea how much I appreciate your advice. THANK YOU...THANK YOU...Okay, I think I am almost ready to talk to DH and try this out. Quick couple questions though....as if you didn't know that was coming...Would you advice I use a crib, playpen, or blanket. OR...should I try the blanket and if it fails...try something else. I like the idea of them "choosing" to stay until they are ready to return. Where do you put your blanket and what do you call it again? We have a small duplex so the living room is connected somewhat to the kitchen. We spend most of our time in those areas. The couple bedrooms are away from everything else. Any suggestions? Let me make sure I have this right...if i do use the blanket...I just keep bringing her back again and again until she stops crying/whining. How many times do I do this? I feel like I will be bringing her back a million times...is that what you had to do at first? ...Also (if i use a crib/playpen), she will always reach out her hands for "love" even if she is still tantruming. Is that the time when I wait for her to stop making "icky noises" (that's a cute term) before she gets out because if I pick her up I will probably be giving her what she wants. However, I also don't want to leave her in the crib/playpen for too long. Man, I am confusing myself so I know I am confusing you. What do you think...I promise I won't bug you much more...I hope I don't sound like a totally clueless parent! Thanks again
No problem!!!

Right now I am not using a carpet or blanket just because the "spot" I picked in my house its kind of around the corner in an entry way that is small so its kind of its own spot.

I did have one child who would bring me the blanket when she was done. She would sit on the floor and hold the blanket and then bring it to me.

I personally like the blanket/carpet/spot thing more than always using a crib or playpen- those are the big guns keep them in reserve for when you really need them!

Yes the first couple time we did this we were bringing the child back quite a few times- each kid was different. More or less though they got the point.

we call it time out- I do not like naughty spot- I do not believe they always go to a time out for being naughty- sometimes its because they are frustrated or angry- not nesacarily naughty- kwim. As my kids got older and I could even say- "I can tell you are having a hard time keeping your attitude in check you need to take a personal time out) and they would go find a quiet spot and then come out and give me a hug when they were done and attitude fixed!


As far as where I put it- somewhere were I can more or less see them but not to where it is right near me. kind of with the "around the corner" mind set.

If the child comes to you and is still crying that is fine if it is "I;m sorry cring" and not I am still angry crying. kwim.

However if they persist even after redirection then perhaps they are not done and I would consider bringing them back- this is where you need to examine the attitude behind the crying.

If you do end up sending her to her crib or something you need to walk away atleast for a minute and then go back it- if she is crying but not angry looking/sounding I would treat that as she is done and then hugs and kisses and redirection- unless she will not redirect and repeats the offense.

OKay I hope I answered all your ??? I really would leave the crib thing though as a major- "we need to be seperated for a few minutes" thing and not the norm.

Give yourself a few days and remember to still have grace! I know you will! Keep us updated!...Minda
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Old 01-17-2007, 12:01 AM   #24
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Re: discipline for toddlers??

I second using a method that will allow the child to leave when he/she is ready. We use time-out as well. We always tell our dd why she is going into timeout and what needs to happen in order for her to come out. Ex: "Hands are not for hitting people. When you are ready to apologize to *** for hitting you may come out of timeout.

So far we just do timeout on her bed all though the other day it was in a chair. I don't shut the door and I offer to come in the room and talk to her if she is really upset. Quite frequently now she says "Come talk to me, mommy." So i will sit next to her and calmly talk her through what happened. I always offer her a hug after timeout but I don't force it. I do enforce apologies when they're needed.

I also highly recommend "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen" as well as other books in their series "liberated parents, liberated children" and also "siblings without rivalry". I would just check them out from your local library or check a used book store. I always see them there. I have all of them and LOVE them. THe love and logic book is next on my agenda. Other books I have liked are "Boundaries with Children" and "playful parenting". There are others too but I can't think of them right now.

As far as the whining goes I really suggest nipping it in the bud as soon as possible. Many would like to believe that a toddler doesn't know what whining is. They do! My daughter has been correcting her tone of voice since around 18 months (which is when she started whining). As soon as she whines we say something like "ouch, that whining hurts my ears - try saying it again in a nice voice" or "try saying that again nicely" or endless other variations. Come up with a few that work for you and stick with them. if your child doesn't have the words to say what she wants give her the words and ask her to say "please" or something of that nature. The key is to never reward them for whining. You need to wait until they are calm and collected.

WrapHappy has excellent advice.
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Old 01-17-2007, 10:43 AM   #25
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Re: discipline for toddlers??

I haven't read all the posts, but wondering if anyone has heard of grace-based discipline? I remember someone had posted about it awhile ago, but I don't know anything about it.
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