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Old 10-04-2009, 08:36 PM   #1
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Looking for help from other single mamas

So I am a newly single mom to my almost 19 month old DD. I am in the process of trying to find a place to live and figure out how I am going to afford to work, take care of DD and pay my bills. I have some significant debt and I am currently looking into what options I have to try and pay down. get rid of my debt. I am just looking for suggestions, tips, support anything. I know that me being single is the best possible scenario now, but I have moments of feeling like a real **ck up and really doubting my ability to do this. I stayed in the relationship I was in much longer than I should have because I was scared to leave, and deep down, I know I will be ok. I am wondering about Moms that may have had to reach out for support from either the state or private groups, such as a church. Really, I just want to hear about other Moms who are single and making this work. Thanks for your help!

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Old 10-04-2009, 09:00 PM   #2
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Re: Looking for help from other single mamas

My life happened backwards from yours, but for my older son's first 6 years of life, it was just me & him.
It was hard in some ways & easier in others. Financially, yes it is hard. We lived paycheck to paycheck, never an extra dime to waste. But it was gratifying too. That we could do anything. We never got any more assistance than WIC or Medicaid for him. My son was about 6 months old and I decided to take a HUGE leap of faith & start my own childcare. That was scary. Sink or swim, we would do it together. I started out with 3 kids and mine. We learned & grew together. But I got to be with my son 24/7. And for me, that was the most important.
There were times that parents didn't pay me and I had to water down our whole milk. Times that I had to make payments on late utilities to avoid shutoffs.
But you do what you do because you HAVE to. And that is what makes you grow as a person. Appreciate that you aren't homeless YET and hold onto your dreams of better days ahead. That the love of your children is all you need to go on & get up & do it again tomorrow.
Support or not, you CAN do this. You CAN make it. You WILL make it.
Make goals & try to reach them. Do not give up, ever.
Get up & do it again tomorrow.
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Old 10-05-2009, 10:43 AM   #3
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Re: Looking for help from other single mamas

Thanks Mama you encouragement means a lot to me. I just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
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Old 10-05-2009, 12:08 PM   #4
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Re: Looking for help from other single mamas

I'm not single, but I wanted to give you words of encouragement. I'm not in a position that I'm worried about becoming single, BUT I know that life can change in an instant and sometimes I wonder where I'd be if I were suddenly a single mom.
I can tell you that you will survive because you have too, for you and your child. When all is lost and you are tired and don't know where you'll gain the strength to move forward, it will come out of nowhere. Just when you think you can't do it anymore, a burst of energy will come and you'll pull through.
As far as help from state programs such as WIC or medicade (examples), they are there if you need them. If you do need them, don't be ashamed to use them. Do what you need to do to feed your child and yourself and to make sure that you are medically covered as far as insurance. That's what they are there for. Part of being on your own and being mature about it is knowing when to ask for help. There's a huge difference between using state programs because you really need them and getting so comfortable on them that you never strive to get off, IYKWIM.

You will come out of this stronger and better able to handle future struggles. If and when you are ready to venture into a future relationship, you will enter into that relationship knowing that you can take care of yourself and your child no matter what. That will give you confidence in the relationship.
I'd type more but my 11 month old is pawing at my laptop.
You'll do great mama! Keep your chin up!
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Old 10-05-2009, 12:55 PM   #5
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Re: Looking for help from other single mamas

Willowbunz hit it on the head!
Knowing you CAN & WILL make it on your own, without support from a partner will give you so much strength going into any future relationships. You won't settle for anything less than being treated with respect & love because you have the strength to walk away.
Love like you aren't afraid to be alone.
Priceless!
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Old 10-05-2009, 01:07 PM   #6
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Re: Looking for help from other single mamas

Do you have family that can help?

Levi and I live with my parents - they are awsome and are helping us out so I can go back to school, and finish college, get a good job and all that before going out on my own.


Another thing I looked into was a live-in nanny position, there were lots of people willing to have a nanny with a child (b/c they knew I had real expereince, plus it was someone for their kid to play with), that would have been a house and a job all in one.
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Old 10-05-2009, 06:18 PM   #7
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Re: Looking for help from other single mamas

I'm sorry for all you are going through. There are tax breaks, child care supplements and government support to help you. I had the rug ripped out from under me last year. I have been living in an apartment in my parent's basement and using my child's SSI money for expenses until I can find child care to work (not an easy task when your child requires nursing level care but not RN level care because then medicaid won't pay for nursing in most instances). I don't get child support because the ex is on the run from the law for charges unrelated to our pending divorce.

We survive one day at a time and I thank God for having supportive family members. Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. My family has been invaluable in our time of need even right now, as I type this out in my child's hospital room. My mom brings me sandwich fixings and clean clothes so I don't have to leave my son alone in the hospital even for a few minutes.

You will survive and thrive without a singnificant other in your life that is only adding negative issues. I am no way saying it is easy but I am saying it can be done.
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Old 10-06-2009, 08:38 PM   #8
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Re: Looking for help from other single mamas

Thanks for all of the encouragement Mamas. It really means a lot. I wish I could move back home, my parents would take us, but it is 600 miles from here. I don't know how we would work out a parenting agreement and DD's dad isn't budging on that right now. I have family and friends that think I should just leave and move home and then deal with whatever consequences might arise. I just don't know that I can do that. He is a good Dad for our DD. I am seriously considering filing bankruptcy too. I think it may be the only way for me to get a fresh start. I am definitely at a point where I just feel very overwhelmed. I appreciate all of your kind words though.
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Old 10-07-2009, 07:11 AM   #9
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Re: Looking for help from other single mamas

You say your family is 600 miles away? Then before moving back, make sure you have it cleared through court, crossing state lines could pose troublesome for you. It could be considered kidnapping, depending on how your ex spins it.

You will make it. I agree with the mamas who mentioned childcare. That is a great way to make money while staying home with your own child.
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Old 10-07-2009, 10:01 AM   #10
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Re: Looking for help from other single mamas

I am going threw the same thing Mama! You are not alone, PM me if you ever need to talk.
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