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Old 10-09-2009, 12:12 AM   #11
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Re: tantrums at 1?

Originally Posted by ShyDaisi View Post
Micah started throwing tantrums around 12 months, as well. I remember being surprised it started so early (as 2 is generally touted as the temper tantrum "age"). I found that tantrums were usually tied either to needs or wants that he was having a problem with communicating about, or a feeling that he was having a problem expressing.

If the tantrum is resulting from a communication problem, I try to supply the words and/or signs needed for him to communicate what he wanted in the first place. I remember a lot of times saying, "Oh, you want an apple? Can you say/sign apple? If Mommy had known you wanted an apple, I would have happily given you an apple. Would you like an apple now?" Usually the dialogue would help draw him out of the tantrum and provide him with the words/signs to communicate his need/want next time.

If the tantrum is resulting from feelings that he needs to express, I try to help name the feeling ("Oh, I see you are feeling mad that I need the laundry basket right now."), give validation that his feelings are understandable, warranted, etc. ("I understand you are feeling mad,..."), let him know why it is necessary, ("...but Mommy needs the basket right now to carry the folded laundry."), and offer solutions ("Would you like to push your truck instead?" and point out some cool aspect of playing with something different that the laundry basket can't do....or "Would you like to help Mommy with the laundry? Here, you can fold this towel, while Mommy folds this one"...or "Do you want to carry this shirt? We can go hang it in the closet"...).

I did/do pick my battles though...sometimes having the peace and quiet while folding the laundry is more important than having a basket to carry it in. A lot of times if he thinks he is "helping" even if it is making one aspect worse -- like letting him "sweep" with me. He tries to take the broom and dustpan from me, so I have him get his broom. He "sweeps" his section of the floor while I do the rest, then we switch.

With the biting, I would redirect the biting/hitting to inanimate objects. Micah never did either of these things, but I have heard that if the aggression is resulting from his feelings that letting him vent in a safe way is helpful (the laundry basket, couch cushions, pillows, etc.). Micah and I will have a yelling contest sometimes just to get that extra "energy" out. If I have a headache, I will encourage "pillow screaming"

ETA: And, if all else fails, I "ignore" it. Periodically, I will reacknowledge his feelings, ask if he would like a hug, etc., but sometimes you just need a good cry, you know?
Perfectly stated!!!

I really like this article, too. Kinda long, but well worth it!

and yeah, DD started tantrums before a year, too! and biting...etc. She's a sweet little angel most of the time, but when things go wrong, she lets the whole world know! I think that's just fine. I wouldn't want it any other way, truly. If it's out in the open we can deal with it. If she's hiding it and covering up, I can't help her or be a part of that aspect of her life. and I want to be! - especially as she gets older, but this is laying the groundwork for that.


DSS - 10yrs DSD - 6yrs DD - 4yrs
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Last edited by Sakari; 10-09-2009 at 12:14 AM.
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Old 10-09-2009, 12:21 AM   #12
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Re: tantrums at 1?

Sigh, my 12 month throws himself backward and starts crying. I am glad to know tantrums at this age are normal. I think it must be hard to be able to understand so much but not be express yourself.
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