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Old 01-12-2007, 10:09 AM   #1
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discipline for toddlers??

I'm struggling with this topic...Any book suggestions about discipline for a 1 1/2 year old or should I even be bothering at this age. I am a support of attachment parenting and Dr. Sears. However, I read that his discipline book wasn't that great. Has anyone read "parenting with love and logic" or "how to talk so your kids will listen"? OR any other suggestions of good reads?

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Old 01-12-2007, 10:29 AM   #2
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Re: discipline for toddlers??

I read the love and logic and I found it helpful. Its all about natural consequences and letting kids learn from mistakes. My son's nearly 18 months (he will be this month!) and he's starting to test us. We distract him from what he's doing that we don't like, we ignore the tantrums and hold firm to the rules even when we're out and about. My son loves to push me when we're out, I guess thinking that I'd rather give in than cause a scene. He's wrong on that one!
A real challenge for us is consistency and following through. Those are the 2 more important things IMO and doing it right now sets the stage for dealing with these kiddos until they're grown.
GL! Isn't it amazing how strong willed they can me at this age!!
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Old 01-12-2007, 11:24 AM   #3
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Re: discipline for toddlers??

I read "How to talk..." and it was fabulous. However, most of the tips are for older children, but you'll be able to get plenty out of it now. I have an 18 month old, too. I get stressed out with the temper tantrums. I feel like I am doing something wrong as a parent sometimes. I really, really try to keep in mind how incredibly frustrating is must be to be so small and not be able to communicate well and have such strong feelings that are out of your control and overwhelming. I would also recommend Alfie Kohn's "Unconditional Parenting". I must say though that while I do NOT agree with his approach 100% it really helped me clarify my long term parenting goals and helped me see the big picture of raising a child to be a successful, independent person one day.

I have learned the hard way that if you give in once, they expect you to give in all the time. So, much easier to prevent than correct.
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Old 01-12-2007, 02:09 PM   #4
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Re: discipline for toddlers??

So, exactly what rules are ya'll sticking to with your 1 1/2 year olds? If it's dangerous, I know we need to enforce it (such as standing up in high chair, sitting in car seat, etc.)...However, what about sitting in a stroller or a high chair at a restaurant? What about touching things you tell them not to touch (when you know they understand, but are just being playful and trying you???)....I definitely don't want to be overly strict, but am afraid I might be letting too much go and making too many excuses....???help
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Old 01-12-2007, 02:28 PM   #5
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Re: discipline for toddlers??

With Riley, if the standing in the highchair thing came up (which it hasn't yet for us) I'd firmly set his butt back into the HC and tell him that we sit in the HC....all the while expecting/waiting for the tantrum. LOL But, buckle that baby into the seat snuggly and maybe you won't have as many issues? Riley is belted into everything so snug that he almost couldn't stand up if he wanted to. That's better than me telling him no!
With things he's not supposed to touch, I tell him no, he looks at me, touches anyway, and I tell him no again and then move him away from said object. I get a little more firm when he does it again and again after I've told him no once, kwim?

Mostly, the big things we're trying to teach right now are....
what NO means to Riley LOL
how to be nice and not kick mommy
How to use our words that we do know to get what we need
how to pick up toys
how to play nice with our toys

I'm learning to pick my fights too. It isn't a big deal if he doesn't eat all of his food or pick up all of his toys, picking up some works for me! It all has to start some where!
Oh but there are some days where I want to pull out my hair and I can tell Riley feels the same way about me. We don't mesh really well all the time but some days are harder than others!
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Old 01-14-2007, 08:24 PM   #6
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Re: discipline for toddlers??

Another book is SOS for Parents. I may not have that exactly right. It too is probably for slightly older kids, but lays out behavior cycles (reinforcement, etc.) really clearly. Shows how a pattern may develop where parents reinforce behavior they actually want to stop by their reaction.

Another book that is not about discipline, but about feeding...but does have lots of good general info about parenting is Child of Mine.
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Old 01-15-2007, 02:33 AM   #7
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Re: discipline for toddlers??

great info, i was wonering about this, we didnt know much about ap when we had ds and he got spanked
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Old 01-15-2007, 11:10 AM   #8
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Re: discipline for toddlers??

DD gets "time-outs" a la Dr. Sears's "penalty box" idea. From "The Discipline Book" although it's true there's not really anything earth-shatteringly new in there. He says the punishment is being separated from mama and for DD that certainly is true. I finally settled on putting her in the laundry room (because there's nothing fun in there, and nothing she can reach to hurt herself with...although the first time I forgot and left the clothespin bin, so she had a great time! ) Normally it's a passageway to the garage, but I can close the inside door. She usually gets something less than 2 minutes in there. I don't time it super-carefully, but for hitting, biting, etc. she gets a time-out.

Lucky for me she's usually very eager to please and the right tone of voice will stop her dead in her tracks. That was a wake-up call too...from "Happiest Toddler on the Block" (Dr. Karp)-----if you use the wrong tone of voice your kid will just laugh at you. Very upsetting to me, til I practiced with DH and in front of a mirror to convey my "meanness." (Probably that's a big part of why I had such trouble managing a whole classroom full of teenagers too...wrong tone of voice.) Karp also recommends growling...but I know that would make DD laugh hysterically.

It's all trial and error. GL!
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Old 01-15-2007, 01:32 PM   #9
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Re: discipline for toddlers??

Well- As a mom about to have #5 I am pleased that I can honestly say that all of our children are well mannered and obedient amoungest thousands of other things- lol they are also human!

At this age I have a carpet square or sometimes a recieving blanket (we had one that was a bit more... well she has red hair and the temper to go with it-lol- anyway her spot needed to travel so a little blnkey worked good) that we put in a spot somewhere kinda out of the way. I could careless if they throw tantrums but it is not acceptable- if they are going to do it they will not be doing so at my feet. So... even now with our 17 month old- if he gets "itchy" then to the spot he goes with a verbal " I realize thatyou are upset but throwing tantrums is not acceptable- you may not yell at mommy" or whatever the offense maybe- you may not cream in my kitchen etc- then to the spot they go.. "you may get up when you are all done" if they get up and are done fussing they get hugs and kisses a high five- etc if they are still bent out of shape we bring them back.
Always using a calm and loving voice- They may not hit or kick walls but the floor is fine- I completely ignore them in their spot unless they are being destructive to my home- if they get up I automatically asuume they are done and give them the benefit of the doubt but if they come at me whinning then we go back.
Being actually removed from my current area is a huge thing vs throwing a tantrum at my feet. Anyway- this has worked for all of our kids sooo it is my suggestion for this age!...Minda
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Old 01-15-2007, 01:35 PM   #10
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Re: discipline for toddlers??

Quote:
Originally Posted by WrapHappy View Post
Well- As a mom about to have #5 I am pleased that I can honestly say that all of our children are well mannered and obedient amoungest thousands of other things- lol they are also human!

At this age I have a carpet square or sometimes a recieving blanket (we had one that was a bit more... well she has red hair and the temper to go with it-lol- anyway her spot needed to travel so a little blnkey worked good) that we put in a spot somewhere kinda out of the way. I could careless if they throw tantrums but it is not acceptable- if they are going to do it they will not be doing so at my feet. So... even now with our 17 month old- if he gets "itchy" then to the spot he goes with a verbal " I realize thatyou are upset but throwing tantrums is not acceptable- you may not yell at mommy" or whatever the offense maybe- you may not cream in my kitchen etc- then to the spot they go.. "you may get up when you are all done" if they get up and are done fussing they get hugs and kisses a high five- etc if they are still bent out of shape we bring them back.
Always using a calm and loving voice- They may not hit or kick walls but the floor is fine- I completely ignore them in their spot unless they are being destructive to my home- if they get up I automatically asuume they are done and give them the benefit of the doubt but if they come at me whinning then we go back.
Being actually removed from my current area is a huge thing vs throwing a tantrum at my feet. Anyway- this has worked for all of our kids sooo it is my suggestion for this age!...Minda

Thanks for sharing that Minda,
I'll have to try that one! Usually, I'll just let him flip out where ever he is and I just remove myself. This might work better for us.
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