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Old 01-21-2007, 01:55 PM   #1
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Non-spankers (could also go with ppd...)

So, I'm trying to make myself feel better. lol I do not believe in spanking in any way, shape, or form. My parents would spank me with the belt, and all it ever taught me was to be sneaky and to be afraid of them. To this day, I still jump if I'm doing something and somebody walks into the room because I'm (subconciously) afraid that anything I'm doing will be interpretted as being "wrong" and I will be hit for it.

Anyway...DS was nursing the other day. He just got his first tooth a week or two ago. So anyway, this was the first time he'd really bitten me since he got teeth and it HURT. I calmly responded, took him off, explained to him that it is not nice to bite people (DH always laughs at me when I do this since DS is only 9 months old, but I figure if I start explaining things now, I will already be in the habit of it when he IS old enough to understand). So I latched him back on and he went back to nursing.

I got involved in something on the computer I think and he bit me again. Without thinking at all, I smacked him pretty hard on the top of the head. I was reacting like the cat had bitten me or something. It didn't really even phase him...he didn't cry or anything, but I felt TERRIBLE. I couldn't believe I'd done that. He's just a baby! He didn't know any better.

So...I guess I'm just trying to figure out how many other people are naturally wired to hit and have to struggle against it. It seems so many parents have it so easy and that hitting never even crosses their mind. But the way I grew up, that seems to always be my first reaction. I've been really proud of myself that I've made it 9 months without doing anything like this. So it broke my heart when my "instincts" had control instead of my head & my heart.

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Old 01-21-2007, 02:08 PM   #2
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Re: Non-spankers (could also go with ppd...)

no advice just hugs mama
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Old 01-21-2007, 02:13 PM   #3
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Re: Non-spankers (could also go with ppd...)



I won't go into real detail but I will say that the brush was used on me as a child (and hand etc) and when I got older it was verbal and some physical. I totally feel what you are saying.

Please forgive yourself as you know this isn't who you are nor who you want to be. If you don't forgive yourself you will suffer more kwim?

For ppl like you and I who have suffered this same kind of childhood it's litterally a part of you because it happend so much and for so long huh? No matter what I do it seems it's always there looming. I fight with it a ton and am not always as successful as I'd like to be.

The most important thing is......that we know it's not normal, admit that it's there, and we are doing our best to control the behavior so we do not repeat the cycle.

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Old 01-21-2007, 02:16 PM   #4
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Re: Non-spankers (could also go with ppd...)

i am dealing with the same issues. i did so well until my son turned 2. i do not believe in spanking at all but i have to admit, i've done it. i was spanked and even though i'm totally ap minded and really believe in gentle discipline, it is a constant battle that i have with myself. i have to really put forth the effort to think about my actions. feel free to pm me if you want. i know what you're going through.
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Old 01-21-2007, 02:18 PM   #5
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Re: Non-spankers (could also go with ppd...)

You reacted out of sheer surprise in the pain of being bitten. Go easy on yourself.
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Old 01-21-2007, 02:20 PM   #6
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Re: Non-spankers (could also go with ppd...)

Thank you so much ladies. You make me feel so much better. It doesn't help that DH is kinda pro-spanking to an extent. He's one of those people that will tell you he deserved every spanking he ever got. I don't think any child deserves to be hit. Luckily he's at least in agreement that it shouldn't be done until the child is old enough to understand, so I have awhile before I really have to fight him on it. But he even understood that I was upset when it happened, so maybe there's hope for him yet.

It seems to get harder every day and I think it's because of my ppd. DS will just seriously get on my nerves sometimes and it's everything I can do not to snap. I'm currently trying a St. John's Wort and B-complex supplement to see if it will help now that I can't get my Zoloft refilled, but I guess we'll see.
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Old 01-21-2007, 02:27 PM   #7
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Re: Non-spankers (could also go with ppd...)

mama.

I was spanked as a child and I work everyday to go against the little voice in the head that says "hey it's easy" It can be a struggle. I'll admit that once when I was changing the girls and they were all fighting and screaming at me I reached over and popped Dylan on the butt with out even thinking of it. It was kind of like I realized what happened after the fact. I felt like a total failure. She's fine and I am fine but it just made me realize that I have to pay more attention to what I am doing. (not saying you have too I'd imagine getting bit like that would hurt and it was probably just the shock)

So it's not easy for all non-spankers. But kuddos for you for trying.
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Old 01-21-2007, 02:29 PM   #8
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Re: Non-spankers (could also go with ppd...)

OH no i hope you are not in CA you are going to get fined $1000 now LOL that is what the new law will say HEy it happens you got bit it hurts it was a natual reaction like you said you thought it was the cat. Forgive yourself I know easier said then done as mommies we are always so hard on ourselves and the guilt.
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Old 01-21-2007, 03:41 PM   #9
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Re: Non-spankers (could also go with ppd...)

I am with you. I am wired to slap for any offense. My mom was one that swatted for lots of things. Not everything, but I grew up getting spanked.

I have only one time spanked my friend's son (who I watch all week and she has told me to spank him for multiple things, and I don't) and it was completely on accident. Just like you, it was a reaction which I regret. I had told him 7 times not to pick up a certain toy because my son and him were sharing it and it was very heavy. I walked to the kitchen to grab his sippy cup and he picked it up and dropped it on DS's head. DS screamed like I'd never heard him before. I should have just put the toy up, the whole thing was my fault, but before I even knew what I was doing I jerked Landon up, swatted him on the leg and then put him in the corner. Then scooped up DS. Luckily, it just hurt and didn't leave any big marks or anything. And as soon as I calmed DS down, I put him down and got Landon and told him I was sorry for hitting him and that I'd never do it again. He's 23 months right now, he was abou 19 months at the time. I felt, and still feel, horrible about it. When I think about it I get sick to my stomach.

What you have to remember is that we know it was wrong, and we will try our best never to let it happen again.
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Old 01-21-2007, 04:24 PM   #10
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Re: Non-spankers (could also go with ppd...)

I am in this boat, too. I was spanked, slapped, belted, you name it as a child. With the ppd it is so hard. When I have a particularly bad day, I wind up slapping DS's hand all too often. I have never spanked him or anything else, but I have slapped his hand. It is automatic when I am at my wit's end and unable to think clearly. I feel horrible about it, but can't change the fact that I've done it. Sometimes when I've had a particularly bad day, I find myself justifying it, and that's when I start to feel really badly, "well if you hadn't done that, mommy wouldn't have slapped your hand." How horrible is that to a two-year-old?

Thank you for starting this thread. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one either!

And the important part is that you recognize that it is a struggle and you are conscious of what is going on. I would worry if you didn't care that you had done it, or just blew it off as something you couldn't help!
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