Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 12-11-2009, 09:00 AM   #11
nakedbabytoes
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Wonderful Nebraska!
Posts: 5,901
My Mood:
Re: Am I failing by not having a schedual??

According to my hubby, you gotta be firm if you want them to stick to a schedule. Of course, this was him talking to his sister over the phone reguarding her 6 week old!
Lol! "Dr. Sears" convieniently has amnesia apparently when it comes to remembering how it was to have an infant in the house!
I don't even start to mess with schedules until they are around a year old. By then, they usually have their own fairly predictable routine that you just tweek here or there.
And if they are sick or teething, forget it! It's like trying to give a cat a bath!
Have you looked into amber teething necklaces? They worked wonders for my guy! Like night & day almost. I remember for his 12 month checkup, he had 2 ear infections & 4 teeth coming in all together. But he was happy as a clam! You'd have never known it. Kids don't have a placebo effect, it either works or it doesn't. They don't fake.
Maybe write down his natural routine for a few days after he starts feeling better. There might be a pattern to him that you hadn't noticed before. Most kids have a pattern to them at least.
Hugs!

Advertisement

__________________
Bye bye.
nakedbabytoes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-11-2009, 10:00 AM   #12
libster's Avatar
libster
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Columbus, OH
Posts: 714
My Mood:
Re: Am I failing by not having a schedual??

Quote:
Originally Posted by mrseum View Post
Thanks!!
I think I'm just jumping the gun; I know he'll eventually wind up with his own routine...
Sorry you're having so much trouble mama Honestly though, I do think you need to create more of a routine. Nothing strict by the clock, but something pretty consistant. Although, I agree, while he is sick, routine is nearly impossible.

As for him creating his own routine, I think you need to trust yourself right now that you know better than he does what he needs. You are the mama after all, and he is not a rational thinker (which i'm sure you know at this point!). Life would be so much easier if babies could be reasoned with! You need to be persistant with him.

We did do CIO with our ds, and while I am not telling you to necessarily do this, it did work for us (although it was heartbreaking! it changed my life though!) Even if you do not choose this option, remember that you should stick with whatever you start. I'd say give it at least a week. eg, If you decide to put him in his crib for a nap at a particular time of day and check on him every 10 min for an hour, even if he doesn't go to sleep for the first few days, I think by the end of the week, he will get that crib time = rest time. You've got to give him a chance to pick up on it! Don't throw your efforts out after just 1 or 2 days if it doesn't seem like it's working.

That's more than I meant to write. Sorry mama! Hope this didn't come across as harsh or judgemental; we've all been in your shoes! You can do this!

And to answer your original question: no you are NOT a failure!!!
libster is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-11-2009, 10:48 AM   #13
sh0rtchica's Avatar
sh0rtchica
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Alexandria, VA
Posts: 4,766
My Mood:
Re: Am I failing by not having a schedual??

Quote:
Originally Posted by musicalisa View Post
I think children often thrive with routine, not schedule. It's parents who like to schedule. Babies can't tell time.

Personally I'm not a big schedule person so attempting to institute one would have certainly been a disaster.

When babies are sick and/or teething, all bets are off, IMO! You'll be better able to evaluate things when he's in good health and good spirits. I say take it off the table for now and see how it goes when he's 100%.
ITA with all of this.

we have no routine to speak of either, and while my DS normally sleeps great all night (we cosleep so he does eat a few times) lately he's been pretty fussy. stupid teeth! they can really make the most angelic baby into a bit of a demon, and it stresses everybody out. the best thing to remember is that it's only temporary!!
__________________
Lisa, mama to Adrian (3/5/09) and Carmen (5/12/11)
Finally living my WAHM dream!
My Business | Earn Amazon gift cards! | Be my swag friend?
sh0rtchica is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-11-2009, 11:32 AM   #14
Liddle1
Registered Users
Formerly: tummy mommy
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: BC, Canada
Posts: 5,602
Re: Am I failing by not having a schedual??

ds is 14 months old and we've never had a schedule. i was always aware of when he needed naps, feeding and bedtime in general but i followed his cues. when i tried to keep him on a schedule it just got frustrating for both of us because his needs were always changing and even if we had it down to a science he would be on a completely different schedule in 2 weeks.

so now we have a routine, not a schedule. when DS gets up in the morning, he knows that he gets his daily bottle of milk, he nurses whenever he asks for it, he knows that if he wants to eat food he has to go in his highchair and will ask to be fed numerous times a day, though I will always give him a meal after his nap(s) and usually before and during dinner (he can't sit still long enough to eat a full meal). we try to do some kind of activity out of the house after he has been fed and had a nap, and after dinner is daddy time. he knows that if he needs something or wants to play he goes to DH. if he wants to nurse or go to sleep he'll come find me.

I think you have to be aware of times in the day that your baby is fussier than others, or when they generally need their nap etc, but there are so many variables at this age (growing, teething, milestones...) that you have to leave room for flexibility.
__________________
http://dealiscious.blogspot.com/ (my bargain hunter blog)
Liddle1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-11-2009, 01:49 PM   #15
mom2kaydncolt's Avatar
mom2kaydncolt
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 1,887
Re: Am I failing by not having a schedual??

I agree my children have all done best on routines - esp with their sleep. Though I will say too that my kids have all gone through a phase between 4 months and 8 months where all they would do was catnap during the day. Even my super good sleeper went through this. I start by trying to get naps in order. If my baby has gotten up super early I give him a nap when he is tired - at the first sign. He'll usually sleep an hour and a half. He'll require a 2nd nap later then go to bed at his normal time between 7:30-8. The next day he will likely sleep until 8-9am (he still wakes once or twice in the night though) then he will only need one nap but will sleep for 3hrs or so at the one midday nap and still go to bed at his regular time. I try to be flexible and follow his cues but if I'm not paying enough attention and don't get him to bed on time it can take forever to get him to sleep even though he's so tired.
__________________
Samantha sahm to Kayden 10-05 Colton 5-07 Sawyer 11-08 Sierra Catherine 7-14-10 and Lilah Ruth joining us 9-13and wife to Jay 1-16-05
Check out my new blog: http://mamas3monkeysandaprincess.blogspot.com/
mom2kaydncolt is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-11-2009, 02:40 PM   #16
Terra
Drinks her not-just-a-smoothie pina coladas in ALL CAPS in front of her preschoolers before she takes her CDs and goes home.
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 12,253
My Mood:
Re: Am I failing by not having a schedual??

Quote:
Originally Posted by libster View Post
Sorry you're having so much trouble mama Honestly though, I do think you need to create more of a routine. Nothing strict by the clock, but something pretty consistant. Although, I agree, while he is sick, routine is nearly impossible.

As for him creating his own routine, I think you need to trust yourself right now that you know better than he does what he needs. You are the mama after all, a nd he is not a rational thinker (which i'm sure you know at this point!). Life would be so much easier if babies could be reasoned with! You need to be persistant with him.

We did do CIO with our ds, and while I am not telling you to necessarily do this, it did work for us ( although it was heartbreaking! it changed my life though!) Even if you do not choose this option, remember that you should stick with whatever you start. I'd say give it at least a week. eg, If you decide to put him in his crib for a nap at a particular time of day and check on him every 10 min for an hour, even if he doesn't go to sleep for the first few days, I think by the end of the week, he will get that crib time = rest time. You've got to give him a chance to pick up on it! Don't throw your efforts out after just 1 or 2 days if it doesn't seem like it's working.

That's more than I meant to write. Sorry mama! Hope this didn't come across as harsh or judgemental; we've all been in your shoes! You can do this!

And to answer your original question: no you are NOT a failure!!!
[Referring to the bolded/underlined parts].

I would have to disagree with you and say that babies do indeed know what they want. There primal needs met, hunger, free of wetness/soil, discomfort, security/emotional bonding. They just don't have the words to express it. It is our job as parents therefore to not say that we no better and control them, but to listen, look for and access cues. It's important to not ignore our instincts but follow them. If it was heartbreaking, that was more than likely your instincts trying to indicate that the decision wasn't an accurate one.

The baby may begin to see that crib time = rest time only in that it means his/her needs won't be met [even if it is to comforted via holding/rocking/etc., so sleep comes because of giving up
It's not really about trying to fit a baby into our lives and make them convenient, but nurturing them, helping them develop into their own person with feelings, emotions, a purpose in life.

We're not hear to change them, to force our ways upon them, but to learn and grow with them.
__________________
Sometimes the grass is greener on the other side!

Last edited by Terra; 12-11-2009 at 02:41 PM.
Terra is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-11-2009, 05:26 PM   #17
doodah's Avatar
doodah
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 9,942
Re: Am I failing by not having a schedual??

I sort of agree with everyone....ha ha! While I am normally a super scheduled person, having children helped me learn to become more flexible. I am more of a routined person now and it seems to be a great fit for my daughters. We do have nap times, meal times, etc. BUT I also take into account that there will be days they are more tired, less tired, more hungry, less hungry, etc. Every day cannot be exactly the same but I feel that children find security in knowing what to expect. I do watch their cues and feel that I know my daughters better than anyone else and know what is best for them even when sometimes they protest or disagree. For me, parenting is all about balance. Some kids ARE better at just going with the flow, napping everywhere and at any times, etc. while some are just begging to go home and have their blankie and quiet time. It is your job as a parent to decide what is best and healthiest within the realms of what your child is mature enough and capable enough to do. You can have a regular sleep schedule without letting them scream. I did do CIO with my oldest and I to this day feel that I made the right choice. However, this was after her days were in a regular routine, she was healthy and would sleep on her own in her own crib. CIO for me was more about teaching her that bedtime was not optional. It took three nights with the last night being less than 15 minutes of crying/fussing before she went to sleep and that was the end of night time battles. She is now two and we have never had any major issues since then. Now my younger one is much more sensitive than the older and I don't feel this approach would be best for her. The older was incredibly stubborn and still is. Okay so I am rambling now but hopefully you will receive some ideas and support from this thread. I think overall it would be helpful to you to have a plan in place that you feel best fits your family so at least you are not lost when these challenges come. DS is a great place as a sounding board but I encourage you to not let any one particular post make you feel that you have to do something one particular way.
doodah is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-11-2009, 05:45 PM   #18
sUpermOm81's Avatar
sUpermOm81
Do not B/T with. Contact ~happy2Bamommy~ if involved in a transaction.
seller
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
Posts: 3,190
My Mood:
Re: Am I failing by not having a schedual??

I didnt read any other responses but it sounds like you are pretty much ap, right? If so, what if you went and laid down with him, at least till he falls asleep?
__________________
Ashley
SAHM to my handsome little boys: Skeet (7), Colton (6), Bradley (4), and BP (2) & helpmeet to my handsome hubby, Brad
sUpermOm81 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-11-2009, 06:09 PM   #19
KaiyaSue's Avatar
KaiyaSue
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 720
My Mood:
Re: Am I failing by not having a schedual??

Quote:
Originally Posted by musicalisa View Post
When babies are sick and/or teething, all bets are off, IMO! You'll be better able to evaluate things when he's in good health and good spirits. I say take it off the table for now and see how it goes when he's 100%.

ITA.

And to answer your question, NO you are not a failure, mama.

I have friends that cosleep as long as the kids want to, don't impose bedtimes and just do naps whenever. And I say if that works for you, go for it. I am not comfortable with CIO sleep training and we BF on demand too, but I did discover that a little routine in our days has helped us a lot. I think a lot depends on the child too. DS2 is soooo much more laid back and is sleeping way more than DS1.

DS1 is a very spirited kid who would never fall asleep when he's tired without some major encouragement. Seriously he gets more hyper and crazy the more tired he is. When he was around this age I was getting to a point where I was really frustrated with the lack of sleeping. I read No Cry Sleep Solution and found it really helpful. No quick fix, but some good ideas to promote good sleeping for everyone.
You might be surprised to find that your son does have a subtle routine to when he shows signs of being tired. Maybe, like my kid, he just needs some help winding down. You can't make them sleep but you can encourage it.
__________________
Kaiya Mama to DS 8/12/06, DS 9/22/09 and Baby Girl due 7/2012!
KaiyaSue is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-11-2009, 06:16 PM   #20
KaiyaSue's Avatar
KaiyaSue
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 720
My Mood:
Re: Am I failing by not having a schedual??

PS I second the Amber teething necklaces! They really improved my son's mood while teething. If you want a discount code I'm running a drop ship coop for them. PM and I can send you the site and code.
__________________
Kaiya Mama to DS 8/12/06, DS 9/22/09 and Baby Girl due 7/2012!
KaiyaSue is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.