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Old 01-22-2007, 10:50 AM   #1
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spin off of the 4 years apart question

hello,

now that i know there are some of you that don't have your children 2 minutes apart, i was wondering how it is Overall to have your children more than 4 years apart.

with miranda, with my estimate the kids will be around 6 years apart (with luck lol) we plan on TTC next year around her birthday.. so she'll be 4. But with my luck, i don't plan on having any until she's closer to 6 years old.. and I was wondering how that went over with the older child.

I was reading in a book that spaced around that far apart is very good. I grew up as basically an only child (My brother and sister were 12 and 11 when my mom had me) and as far back as I can remember I was always the "only child" My brother moved out when he was somewhere around 14.. and my sister was already living with my grandmother (my mom had them very young)

The only thing I remember about it being bad is that I had all these 2 player board games but no one to play with. lol
Then i found video games and didn't want anyone to play with.

I could never see having my children 2 years apart.. never. Of course there's people out there that can't imagine having children 4 years apart or more either My friend said she doesn't wanna have anymore kids because her oldest is 5.. and that is too far apart from any new one she would have. (she also has a 3 year old son)
I say the more they play together the more they fight together. lol I never planned on having children so my other children could be entertained I never faught with my brother.. what's there to fight about when you are 13 and you got a 1 year old sister? lol

This post isn't meant to be a Bash on anyone who chooses to have children close together, because you do what's right for your family. I'm just choosing the other direction and wondering if anyone else has picked that direction?

Share your Family with me. Anything you'd do over, anything you'd do again?

I know there's gotta be a couple of you out there.

jennifer

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Old 01-22-2007, 11:04 AM   #2
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Re: spin off of the 4 years apart question

I wanted my kids closer in age because my brother and I are nearly 7 years apart and my mom always told me she wishes she had me sooner than nearly 7 years. So I always had that in back of my mind. My DS and my DD are 3 1/2 years apart and I'm very happy with that. My DD and the new Bean will be 18 months apart and I'm still happy with that. After seeing how my DS and DD interact I realized that this was a great age space for them.

My SIL and BIL just had their 2nd DD and their DDs are 6-7 years apart. What's great for them is that the oldest loves to help "fetch" things for my SIL and is a real help with the baby.

I don't know if I'd do anything different. I think I'm happy with the way things are for me
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Old 01-22-2007, 01:37 PM   #3
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Re: spin off of the 4 years apart question

We plan on spacing ours 4-5 years apart. I am 7 years older than my only sister, and DH is 7 years younger than his only brother, and we're both happy with that.

Of course, we weren't as close to our siblings growing up (especially when one sibling was in the teen years!) as some, but there was also a LOT less sibling rivalry than in many families. So I think it balances out. And my sister and I are VERY close now (I'm 29, she's 22.) Definitely I know I liked helping my mother with my sister, and I think it made things easier for her than if we'd been really close in age. Plus, financially (college, etc) it is easier farther apart. You just don't have a close-in-age playmate built right in. If you live somewhere with other kids around I don't think that matters much. We lived pretty far away from everyone, so I ended up reading a lot (a good thing!) and playing lots of games with my sister (I was the teacher, she was the student, etc.) instead of playing with age-mates. I think it worked out well... but to each his/her own!

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Old 01-22-2007, 01:46 PM   #4
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Re: spin off of the 4 years apart question

Mine are 6 years apart and I love it that way. DD is totally sweet and helpful with the babe, and I am able to enjoy him because I was truly ready. I would have had a nervous breakdown if I had kids 2 years apart!
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Old 01-22-2007, 02:25 PM   #5
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Re: spin off of the 4 years apart question

We have 5.5yrs between the boys, it seems just right. They are still friends and played well when they were young. (one is 18 and one about to turn 13 now) If I'd had them closer I think the younger would have missed out on stuff as the older one was pretty high needs.
Now we also have a 2yo so almost 12 yrs between the next two, I'd have liked them closer. We are hoping for one more. and would like that one ASAP to keep the younger two close in age.
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Old 01-22-2007, 03:30 PM   #6
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Re: spin off of the 4 years apart question

I like spacing. I wanted to space 4 years. However, I got prego on the first try w/ ds #2 so the kiddos are spaced more like 3 1/2 years apart (ohh well). But it does seem like a nice spacing. Older ds has just recently been a lot more independent and that really helps since I can't devote as much time to him when I have to tend to the baby. Whether or not it will work really depends on the personality of your kids.

One of my friends has her kids spaced 5 years and the older dd totally regressed when the new baby came and now wants mommy and daddy to do everything for her... that is quite a hurdle. But for another family I know the spacing has worked well.

My sister, brother and I were all spaced by 4 years. I'm the middle child, my sis is older and bro is younger. I was never close with my sister, she hated me tagging along and I felt pretty lonely from say 7 to 9. But then when my little bro turned 5 I found we could play together. Him and I are pretty close. I think you are right, you can be close w/ siblings or fight w/ siblings no matter what the age spacing.... just depends on personalitys.
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Old 01-22-2007, 03:46 PM   #7
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Re: spin off of the 4 years apart question

I planned to have ours about 2 years apart...I learned alot about plans
It took over 10 years ttc...actually we had long given up
Our son was 12 when dd was born...he cried the day he found out he was getting a sister...he wanted a brother and to this day can't stand the idea she's around.
She was 15 months when #3 started without a thought.So, for a few months I had 2 under 2.She's now going on 4 and he will be 2 in March they are best of friends never apart.
The good with the spacing...the older one is well on it's way and doesn't need constant watching...the bad they have nothing in common
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Old 01-22-2007, 07:10 PM   #8
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Re: spin off of the 4 years apart question

My daughter was 3 months shy of 7 years old when I had my son. They are like best friends! They love each other so much. He looks to her like she's "it" and she thinks he's her little baby doll. She's a huge help and heaven help the person who says he's chubby. LOL! She's very defensive over him and has shown it several times. LOl!

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Old 01-22-2007, 07:21 PM   #9
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Re: spin off of the 4 years apart question

I have decided not to have any more kids. I am single (and not planning on getting married or in a serious relationship), live in an expensive city and a small apartment, and DS is almost 4. I honestly don't see it as a reality for me. And although an older kid would be super helpful with a new babe, I feel like I have done the baby thing and would not be ready for it again, yk? I think it depends on the person. The kids will be fine no matter what!

I was close in age with all of my siblings (well, most-we are 29, 29, 26, 24 (almost 25), 22 and 5.5, the youngest was adopted), and we were so close growing up and even now I wish I could give that to my son. My sister is my best friend, and I am super close with one of my brothers--and love all of my siblings.
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Old 01-22-2007, 09:32 PM   #10
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Re: spin off of the 4 years apart question

My boys are 4.5 years apart. I love the spacing. I think it works out perfectly. Of course ds1 is on the autism spectrum and I cannot imagine having had a second baby while he was younger, he just needed too much. He is finally starting to even out, and even now it can be a struggle. My brother and I were 18 months apart, and we aren't particularly close so I didn't worry myself over having them close so they could be friends. I think ds1 got to be the baby as long as he really needed to, and he was so ready to have a baby sibling. And now ds2 can be the baby, and he has a bigger brother to look up to. And boy is he developing fast trying to keep up. Of course ds1 is begging us to have another baby right away, he wants a sister.

My neices and nephews are also spaced far apart. My SIL has a 9.5 yr old daughter and an almost 3 yr old daughter. She loves that spacing because her oldest was a huge help when the baby came. She still is. And they get along beautifully. My oldest niece loves babies and loves having a baby sister. My other SIL has a 8.5yr old ds and a 3.5yr old dd. I don't know how she really feels about the spacing to be honest, we aren't that close. But I know that when the baby was originally born she said how happy she was that her oldest had other things going on and wasn't too put out by not being the baby any more. Plus neither of them need to worry about things like potty regression because the kids were well past that stage already.
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