Diaper Swappers

kaymurr · 01-11-2010, 01:19 PM

I don't know what to do. My oldest 3 children are 6 yrs., almost 5 yrs. (next week) and 3 yrs., then I have the baby. Well my 6 yo dd and my 3 yo ds I trust implicitly. When I tell them to do something, or not to, they mostly try to please Mommy. However I'm about at my wit's end with my almost-5 yo ds. It's gotten to the point that I cannot turn my back on him even one second. What he is doing is not what I'd term "innocent mischief," like forgetting when he is supposed to try and be quiet, or honestly thinking his walls would look nice colored. He is deliberately waiting until no one is looking to sneak off and do something he knows 100% he isn't supposed to do--then if possible, cover it up and/or lie about it. We already had a very serious talk just this morning. Just when I think I've made an impression, I have to go and nurse the baby and put her down for a nap, so I get out some color books and crayons, put on PBS and tell him to sit right here until I get back. Do what now? I get down on his level and have him repeat it, like always.

The next thing I know I've almost got the baby to sleep when my 3 yo, who had been napping, comes knocking, crying in hysterics because he wants M&M's like his brother. Sure enough, ds had snuck into the pantry and helped himself to a bag of leftover stocking candy I was keeping in there. He knew darn well he would get in huge trouble if caught and just did it anyway with plans to not get caught. What to do!! I am really freaking out, wondering just how I'm ever going to trust him as an older kid if I can't even trust him now. Plus, it's exhausting--I can't watch him every moment of the day!

LilyGrace · 01-11-2010, 01:38 PM

I think there are periods in a child's life where you have to do just that - watch them every waking moment of the day. They get trust when they are trustworthy. Period. Full stop. Until that time, they are under constant supervision - coloring in your sight when you put the baby to bed, next to you as you do dishes, walking with you to take out the garbage....

As they grow out of the phases they are given more freedom, but sometimes, well, you just have to let them know you see EVERYTHING.

kaymurr · 01-11-2010, 01:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LilyGrace

I think there are periods in a child's life where you have to do just that - watch them every waking moment of the day.

That reminds me I forgot to mention the non-waking moments...twice in the past week we've caught him out of bed and playing in the middle of the night. He knows he isn't supposed to, not like he has a bad dream and comes looking for us. He is just sneaking out of bed. One time we hadn't gone to bed yet and dh just had a "feeling," the other time dh got up to go to the restroom and just happened upon him in the living room.

cassieJJ · 01-11-2010, 03:21 PM

To me it honestly sounds like he's testing the boundaries. He may know that 'if he gets caught' he's going to be in trouble, but he's experimenting with the 'am I going to get caught' part of it. Maybe he needs to hold mommys hand ALL DAY long if he? They have those wrist band back pack things for kids. I'm not sure what another natural consequence would be.

Oh and also, it's totally normal to want it now when you're a kid. Some kids can restrain themselves better, but others think about candy or whatever and go get it. Mommy and Daddy would say no, so I'm just going to get it myself. Iykwim?

j+csmama · 01-11-2010, 06:10 PM

That sounds totally like my 4yo!! It will get really quiet and I'll call for her, no answer.... I'll go find her and she's in the pantry, in my closet, in the baby's crib... you name somewhere she's not supposed to be, that's where she is. I don't know what to do either. I think it's probably that she's testing me. But it seriously drives me insane. LOL my mom used to use one of those leashes and tie my little brother to the couch so she could go shower. I wouldn't go that far, CPS may end up at the door, but sometimes the thought has crossed my mind!! HA!!

kaymurr · 01-11-2010, 06:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by j+csmama

LOL my mom used to use one of those leashes and tie my little brother to the couch so she could go shower. I wouldn't go that far, CPS may end up at the door, but sometimes the thought has crossed my mind!! HA!!

Well today after the M&M theft I put him in the baby's superyard while I went back to her room to put her down... she has a set of soft sensory balls in there, so I come back and they're all over the place, one had even flown over the bar into the kitchen sink full of dirty dishwater. I swear, he feels no guilt. Had the other kids just gotten in HALF that much trouble, then basically put in a cage, they would have been sitting there tails between legs probably weeping in regret. Not kidding! Not that they ever DO get in that much trouble...

wordmama · 01-11-2010, 06:29 PM

You know, a friend of mine and I were talking the other day about how exhausting it can be to parent a preschooler. She made me laugh about those three years in early childhood where they really test the boundaries with her names for these years:

Terrible twos, trying threes and f$&*ing fours!

Looks like you're into the f$%@ing fours alright.

MarineGurl020412 · 01-12-2010, 03:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wordmama

You know, a friend of mine and I were talking the other day about how exhausting it can be to parent a preschooler. She made me laugh about those three years in early childhood where they really test the boundaries with her names for these years:

Terrible twos, trying threes and f$&*ing fours!

Looks like you're into the f$%@ing fours alright.

I love it! And so true!

01-11-2010, 01:19 PM	#1
kaymurr Registered Users Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 648 Ratings: 37 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Help!! Sneaking, lying 4 yr. old I don't know what to do. My oldest 3 children are 6 yrs., almost 5 yrs. (next week) and 3 yrs., then I have the baby. Well my 6 yo dd and my 3 yo ds I trust implicitly. When I tell them to do something, or not to, they mostly try to please Mommy. However I'm about at my wit's end with my almost-5 yo ds. It's gotten to the point that I cannot turn my back on him even one second. What he is doing is not what I'd term "innocent mischief," like forgetting when he is supposed to try and be quiet, or honestly thinking his walls would look nice colored. He is deliberately waiting until no one is looking to sneak off and do something he knows 100% he isn't supposed to do--then if possible, cover it up and/or lie about it. We already had a very serious talk just this morning. Just when I think I've made an impression, I have to go and nurse the baby and put her down for a nap, so I get out some color books and crayons, put on PBS and tell him to sit right here until I get back. Do what now? I get down on his level and have him repeat it, like always. The next thing I know I've almost got the baby to sleep when my 3 yo, who had been napping, comes knocking, crying in hysterics because he wants M&M's like his brother. Sure enough, ds had snuck into the pantry and helped himself to a bag of leftover stocking candy I was keeping in there. He knew darn well he would get in huge trouble if caught and just did it anyway with plans to not get caught. What to do!! I am really freaking out, wondering just how I'm ever going to trust him as an older kid if I can't even trust him now. Plus, it's exhausting--I can't watch him every moment of the day!

01-11-2010, 01:38 PM	#2
LilyGrace Registered Users Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 2,851 Ratings: 3 Feedback: 100%	Re: Help!! Sneaking, lying 4 yr. old I think there are periods in a child's life where you have to do just that - watch them every waking moment of the day. They get trust when they are trustworthy. Period. Full stop. Until that time, they are under constant supervision - coloring in your sight when you put the baby to bed, next to you as you do dishes, walking with you to take out the garbage.... As they grow out of the phases they are given more freedom, but sometimes, well, you just have to let them know you see EVERYTHING. __________________ Left DS because of lack of virus control.

01-11-2010, 03:21 PM	#4
cassieJJ Registered Users Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Colorado. Posts: 4,484 Ratings: 9 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: Help!! Sneaking, lying 4 yr. old To me it honestly sounds like he's testing the boundaries. He may know that 'if he gets caught' he's going to be in trouble, but he's experimenting with the 'am I going to get caught' part of it. Maybe he needs to hold mommys hand ALL DAY long if he? They have those wrist band back pack things for kids. I'm not sure what another natural consequence would be. Oh and also, it's totally normal to want it now when you're a kid. Some kids can restrain themselves better, but others think about candy or whatever and go get it. Mommy and Daddy would say no, so I'm just going to get it myself. Iykwim? __________________ Wife to T, mom to M (7.5) and A (4)

01-11-2010, 06:10 PM	#5
j+csmama Registered Users Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Southern Indiana Posts: 3,708 Ratings: 89 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: Help!! Sneaking, lying 4 yr. old That sounds totally like my 4yo!! It will get really quiet and I'll call for her, no answer.... I'll go find her and she's in the pantry, in my closet, in the baby's crib... you name somewhere she's not supposed to be, that's where she is. I don't know what to do either. I think it's probably that she's testing me. But it seriously drives me insane. LOL my mom used to use one of those leashes and tie my little brother to the couch so she could go shower. I wouldn't go that far, CPS may end up at the door, but sometimes the thought has crossed my mind!! HA!! __________________ Julianne- BWing, ERFing, trying hard to stay sane, single, working momma to Jerzie (6) Camden (5) Jorja (3) and my 3 angel babies Check out my blog! Mommy and Me Giveaways

01-11-2010, 06:29 PM	#7
wordmama Registered Users Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 6,773 Ratings: 28 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: Help!! Sneaking, lying 4 yr. old You know, a friend of mine and I were talking the other day about how exhausting it can be to parent a preschooler. She made me laugh about those three years in early childhood where they really test the boundaries with her names for these years: Terrible twos, trying threes and f$&ing fours! Looks like you're into the f$%@ing fours alright. __________________ ~Lucy~* Loving wife and a devoted mama to 13: three in my arms (Hayden, Felicity and Teagan), and ten in heaven. Check out my blog, focusing on the wisdom of wee ones.