I canceled ods birthday party

[loveskitten]

Yeah, I say GO YOU!! If you have told him repeatedly that would be the result, GOOD FOR YOU FOR FOLLOWING THROUGH!! That's awesome and I am thankful for moms like you who know how to set limits! Yes, initally I thought, maybe canceling the party was a little much until I read that you'd been telling him about it. That makes it different. Kids have got to learn. Yes, he is only five, but I don't find that behavior "typical" at all unless you let it be so, and I never would let that happen with my kid either without doing something about, so again, GOOD JOB MAMA! **Applause**

[Mrsfroberg]

If he got warnings, then yes! I don't remember why, but I had a birthday party taken away from me- my 7th. I was heartbroken, but it's one of those things you have to follow through with. Don't worry though- I did get over it

It's kind of like the "pick up your toys or they'll be taken away" thing. This happened to my brother. He treated his toys like crap, threw them around, left them out, wouldn't pick up, etc... My mom gave him quite a few warnings. The final one she flat out said "You have one hour to clean this up, or I'm taking every toy out for a week". An hour later, and he was on his bed reading and hadn't even touched the toys. (He was a third grader) Mom went in with garbage bags, and completely emptied his room for one week. He wasn't even allowed to play with MY toys, I was threatened with having everything taken away from me if I let him!!

[Nishu]

I think you put up with way too much in the store to begin with. The second he flipped a "that's not good enough" attitude, I woulda put the car and the track away and asked your husband to walk him out of the store. I understand you cancelling the part and all, and no I definitely don't think it's wrong of you, but at the same time I think you can work on his behavior without such drastic moves. Just my opinion here.

I think the testing of the limits is normal 5 year old behavior, but that degree of demanding whininess is definitely learned and then reinforced by caving in. We go through periods of this behavior on occasion, so I'm not at all saying I'm perfect. It usually doesn't take long to turn that kind of attitude around though.

[3lilbubs]

Originally Posted by loveskitten Yeah, I say GO YOU!! If you have told him repeatedly that would be the result, GOOD FOR YOU FOR FOLLOWING THROUGH!! That's awesome and I am thankful for moms like you who know how to set limits! Yes, initally I thought, maybe canceling the party was a little much until I read that you'd been telling him about it. That makes it different. Kids have got to learn. Yes, he is only five, but I don't find that behavior "typical" at all unless you let it be so, and I never would let that happen with my kid either without doing something about, so again, GOOD JOB MAMA! **Applause**

I completely agree. All kids act up every now and then but all the time isn't ok. He needs to know that his behavior isn't acceptable to you and you will not tolerate it. It's not like he's not getting a birthday celebration, he's just not getting a huge blowout party. No I don't think you're an evil mama, I think you're a great one. This is the hardest part of parenting, having to do things to teach our children that make us feel rotten for having to do it. But you know what? You aren't his best buddy. You're not grandma. You're mom, and you have to teach him how to be a good considerate and grateful person. People aren't automatically that way. It's learned because we're selfish by nature. Good for you for following through with it, it takes a lot of guts to do something like this and take the heat for it. He and everyone that knows him will thank you for it when he's older and wiser.

[court3189]

Wow-honestly, he's only 5? Now I guess if he were 9 or 10..maybe, but if you really want my honest response I think that's a bit over the top for a 5 year old. As I was reading your post I thought for certain this was an older child we were talking about. At age 5 I don't know that he'll get the connection between the party/this event. Consequences at that age need to be pretty immediate (imo) for them to get cause and effect.

At that age, I just didn't take my son to stores much. I think it's easy to say that they should understand gluttony or greed..selfishness..indulgence..etc, but really they are small children with very little impulse control. The choices/opportunities for indulgence are so much greater these days...This isn't 1955..now you've got isle upon isle of brightly colored kid attractive items. I've found it's easier A) to not waltz them past a bouquet of 'wants' B) to help them understand that there are limits to what we have and that means that there are certain times a year that we get gifts, we don't get a gift each time we have to go to a store...and C) to teach costs we had our 6 year old sell the toys that he didn't play with in a garage sale this year and he was allowed to purchase new ones. This isn't to suggest I'm any kind of expert (I'm definitely not) but just some ideas for how we've dealt with the 'gimmes'. Also, I don't think it's uncommon for kids to be less than satisfied with gifts, especially if they're indulged throughout the year. Our 4 year old Grandson point blank told us he didn't like our gift this year, to which we smiled and said we understand how kids are/we're not offended.

ETA-Question-does your son know what 'money' and 'value' are?

[khowison]

As a mother of a little boy who went through this stage a few years back I say that you are absolutely right in feeling put out, and absolutely right in having consequences for his actions!! Just make sure that you follow through with the consequences and the lesson will stick. Even at 5!!

[boy-oh-boy]

I don't think canceling his party over this at age 5 would have the same impact that it would at an older age. I would totally see doing this with my DSS, who will be turning 11 this summer. No way I'd do it to DS1, who will be 6.

However, as a spanking mama, the attitude and behavior is something that would get a swat from me for disrespect.

[flutterbabies]

Didn't read all the pp so sorry if this is a repeat.
I had to learn this the hard way, but here it is. I think there should be immediate consequences for children so young. As in no car when you were shopping, but he is going to forget why you took away his party. Even if you remind him, I think mostly he will think you are being mean and that he deserved his bday party. I do NOT think you are evil at all, I just think we can get soooo frustrated with repeated bad behaviors and maybe over react. If it makes you feel better my 6 y/o dd is quite similar.

[Keropisunshine23]

Originally Posted by sugar_booger I don't think you're evil at all. Sometimes we need to do drastic things to get the child's attention and show we mean business I remember my parents keeping me home from halloween one year because of my attitude... I thought it was the end of the world at the time, but I survived. I think it's good to have guidelines and consequences. If the child knows that a certain behavour will result in a specific consequnce and they still choose to behave that way, well then they are stuck with consequences. Did you give him a warning that he would loose the party though? It might be a bit harsh if it was totally unexpected... and maybe give him the chance to earn back the party, or something... I dunno, it's a hard one! I'm worried all the time about my DD getting spoiled because she get everything she wants and asks for from the inlaws... I'm dreading the day I hear "well, fine I'll just ask grandma to get it for me" I hope things get better with your DS, being greatful can be a hard lesson to learn and teach.

We stayed home this year I was very sick and my oldest DS was being very bad and giving me a lot of attitude. He had several chances and then I just said forget it.... I felt awful on top of feeling awful.... He was crying and when my nephew came by, he had to explain why he couldn't go. But he didn't say I was mean, he said he lost part of his costume and was being naughty so he didn't get to go this year.

It was probably one of the hardest things I have ever done. Realistically, I have no idea how I would have made it through the night anyway. It was this super fast bug. Came on with no warning and i was pretty sick, pretty fast.

[SillyEllie]

I didn't vote either bc I don't feel like any of the options fit. But he does sound like a typical 5 year old. My nephew JUST turn 6 and at Christmas the whole time said "that's it" "where is the rest of the stuff?" and even got upset because he realized my dd got more presents just bc his were more expensive. But you can't explain that to a 5 or 6 year old. They don't think like we do kwim? Kids really say whats on there mind and we can't expect them to think things through. IMO, I think it's kind of mean to cancel his birthday party. Not saying it's the right or wrong thing to do but I wouldn't have done that.