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Old 01-21-2010, 12:48 PM   #1
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Should I request child support? ADVICE NEEDED

Okay, I really need some advice from other Mamas
I seperated from my son's father about 6 months ago. Ever since we broke up, all that I have asked of him is to give me money each time he gets paid (Every 2 weeks) so that I can get our son food/diapers. Everytime he gets paid, he always gives me a rough time about money, & usually only ends up giving me $60. He rarely visits his son, even though I have told him over & over again that he is more than welcome to; even if he wants to keep him for a few nights, Im fine with it. He expects my now fiance to support OUR son; which to some point, he does. But IMO he shouldn't have to fully support him, as it's not his biological son. I am so tired of the arguing; I have tried to be civil & keep things nice, but Im started to think that the best thing to do would be to just take him to court & request child support. I believe that it's the only way to actually make sure he gives me what I need to support HIS son, and to stop all the fighting.
Any Mamas understand what Im going thru? Is taking him to court the best thing to do at this point?

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Old 01-21-2010, 12:54 PM   #2
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Re: Should I request child support? ADVICE NEEDED

I have never been in your situation but my instinctive answer would be: "yes, definitely"
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Old 01-21-2010, 12:58 PM   #3
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Re: Should I request child support? ADVICE NEEDED

you definitely need to get the court involved. they will require him to pay child support.
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Old 01-21-2010, 12:59 PM   #4
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Re: Should I request child support? ADVICE NEEDED

Never been in your situation but maybe mediation might be half way in between court and doing nothing? If he knows how much to pay each pay period for his son and it is written down, it may give some kind of peace, but since you are already there in someways, mediation might be the best way to go.
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Old 01-21-2010, 01:00 PM   #5
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Re: Should I request child support? ADVICE NEEDED

You are entitled to it and YES you should be taking him to court for it. $60 every 2 weeks? Are you kidding me? That is just plain wrong. I don't care that your now fiance is supporting you both (well, I do and he is a good man for doing so) but you are 100% correct - your baby is not his responsibility to support and baby's father needs to step up and be a man.
If he doesn't bother with your son, your son doesn't sound like he's missing out. Maybe 'out of sight, out of mind' is better in your situation.

What is your fiance's opinion. If you take this guy to court, will you and your fiance be footing the bill?

It is the responsibility of the father to pay, not new hubby.
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Old 01-21-2010, 01:16 PM   #6
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Re: Should I request child support? ADVICE NEEDED

Yes, you should certainly take him to court. Not because you are entitled to support but because the child that he helped create is entitled to it. Any monetary support the court awards is the birthright of your (and here I mean the plural "your") child. It the other parent's half of the financial responsibility owed to the new person created. If it is paid to you (here I mean the singular) it is only because you stand as representative to your child who is not of age to legally defend his rights or manage his funds.

It irks me when a parent chooses not to pay child support because "the other parent has enough money" or whatever. This isn't a parent-parent rights issue. It's a parent-child rights issue. Do not let him get away with this.

Last edited by Sleep deprived; 01-21-2010 at 01:17 PM. Reason: grammar clarity
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Old 01-21-2010, 01:55 PM   #7
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Re: Should I request child support? ADVICE NEEDED

I would also have to say yes. I was 16 when I had my twins as a single mom and because we were on Medicaid the state automatically pursues child support on both my behalf and the state's to enforce retribution. If his employer offers benefits than he has to provide them as well or pay money towards a private plan. He is also responsible for 1/2 of the childcare (I know you're a SAHM, but if you did work or your DS goes to preschool one day) along with child support. The most I've ever gotten (for 2 kids) was about $600/mo but that was for about 3 months and he "couldn't live off of that" so he quit his job and worked for cash or moved jobs every 3 mos until last yr. His license has been suspended for non-payment. His wages have been attached at almost every employer. He had a bank account seized once and they take his state/fed taxes as well because he owes so much to ME. I don't even pursue child support anymore, but he owes me over $21k and pays a whopping average of $128/mo for TWO KIDS.
I'm not telling you this to discourage you, but don't count on money from him unless he's a stand up kinda guy which it doesn't appear to be. Hopefully the threat of attaching wages, notifying employers and losing his license would be enough like it is for a lot of guys. But there are ways to skirt the law and get around paying what he should be paying to help support his child.
I *personally* would try to come up with an amount you would like, perhaps $300/mo? Not my suggestion, just a random figure. So he could pay you $150 every paycheck and has the option of visitation whenever he wants. You and your new fiance ARE going to be providing for this baby by giving it a home to live in, car to drive in, the daily care and needs of the child and any unforseen expenses.
My friends are sisters and both are divorced with kids. Their ex's didn't pay child support, provide health insurance or take them more than 2 days a week and that was only when they were being consistant and CLEAN! It's sad. Neither one enforces any type of rules and it's just a totally unhealthy relationship for both of them and their kids.
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Old 01-21-2010, 01:58 PM   #8
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Re: Should I request child support? ADVICE NEEDED

Quote:
Originally Posted by gil View Post
I have never been in your situation but my instinctive answer would be: "yes, definitely"
This is what I would say too.
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Old 01-21-2010, 02:44 PM   #9
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Re: Should I request child support? ADVICE NEEDED

Yep...absolutely!
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Old 01-21-2010, 02:52 PM   #10
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Re: Should I request child support? ADVICE NEEDED

Hire an attorney and have him/her draft up child support and visitation papers to be submitted to the court. It is really best if you go by the standard child support calculator for your state. A lawyer knows the laws and how to do it "by the book."
Your child's father can choose to sign it, get his own lawyer to negotiate it with your lawyer, or allow it to go all the way to court. If your ex really knows what's good for him and your attorney has written up a fair draft, then he would simply sign it and you would avoid a costly (financial and emotional) court battle.
I know lawyers aren't cheap, but this protects your child's visitation with his father and gives you something formal and legal to protect your child financially. If you would rather your child not have a relationship with his father and can do just fine without the financial support, then there is no need.

As for your ex's arguement that your fiance is presently supporting you, that is all well and good, but no court of law takes that into consideration. You may see it typed out by someone online, but they are mistaken about how child support works. The next time that he suggests that he should not pay support because of your fiance, explain to him that he will need to sign over his paternal rights so that your fiance can adopt him, claim him on his tax return, and put him on his insurance, etc.
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