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Old 02-04-2010, 12:04 AM   #1
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Can twins be TOO attached to each other???

I'm at a loss here and you ladies seem to really know your stuff! My (fraternal) twin boys will be 4yo in April. My husband and I have been taking the boys out seperately about twice a week now for about 3mths. The only problem is, they scream like monsters when first seperated, and then once they calm down, they spend the entire trip talking about the missing brother:

"Mommy, where's brother?
Why did he stay home?
Is he ok?
He's not sick, is he?
Do we still love him and Daddy?
What if he's not home when we get back?
What do you think he's doing at home?
I bet he misses me."

And it just goes on and on until we get home!!! To the point where I don't think they even care that they're getting alone time with either of us and I'm starting to think they're stressing themselves out. Sometimes I can't believe they're not identical.

Did we wait too long to start doing things with them individually? They will move from part time daycare to real preschool in June and school policy is to seperate twins...honestly, I'm thinking of finding them a new school because I don't think they would function well at all. Is there a way to maybe get them better used to being apart from each other?


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Old 02-05-2010, 10:10 AM   #2
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Re: Can twins be TOO attached to each other???

I do not have any experience with this yet, as my twins are due in a couple of weeks. I did, however, read a book that talks a lot about these issues...including what to think about when and if you sepearate them for school. It is called "The Art of Parenting Twins." It was a good read and might be helpful in this case. I hope someone has some real life experience for you!
Christian, Stay at Home Wife/Mom to my awesome DH, sweet girl (07/08), identical twin boys (2/10), and baby girl (8/13)
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Old 02-07-2010, 02:59 PM   #3
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Re: Can twins be TOO attached to each other???

Can't give advice, as my guys are only two right now, but I do notice a change in their personalities when they are separated from each other.
My mom used to schedule "dates" with my brothers to get individual time with them. Each would get to pick where to go on their date (I remember one always wanted Burger King, the other always wanted to go to the car wash.) Then the two of them, mom and son, would go on their scheduled outing.
Do you think maybe that'd work for your two? Maybe if each gets to choose where to go based on his interests, it'll seem a little more appealing and over time will become less stressful. I think that you are going to just have to give it time.
As for the school thing, I don't like when schools set the rules about this. I think the family should get a say in the matter, and it should be based on the kids' needs, not a blanket rule for everyone.
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Old 02-09-2010, 09:07 PM   #4
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Re: Can twins be TOO attached to each other???

If it were me, I wouldn't worry about separating them if they have anxiety. IMO if they WERE ready, they would be happy for the alone time. But then again, I'm a "let my children lead" type of mama, and don't worry about what others think. I'm also a homeschooler, so my children are virtually never separated.
I'm Kati, lover to my DH and a busy SAHM to 5 under 10 THEN...
June 15th my life changed forever with the natural birth of identical TWIN boys Judah Legend (6lbs 3) and Zion Israel (5lbs 14)
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Old 02-09-2010, 09:11 PM   #5
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Re: Can twins be TOO attached to each other???

My multiples have always been very close. I think you could do more damage by forcing them to be apart then keeping them together. My kids are still in the same class in 4th grade and even though they are in class together they all have different friends and activities. I think it will happen organically over time, they are still little.
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Old 05-06-2010, 12:16 PM   #6
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Re: Can twins be TOO attached to each other???

Our twins did the same thing. DH and I would split up while shopping or running errands and split the kids evenly. We were told by pediatrician, family etc to seperate them as much as possible. One would always throw a fit. It would vary which one. After they started 1st grade and had seperate classes that all stopped. They are now 11yo and are fine. I don't think they can be too close or attached. Listen to your gut instinct.
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Old 05-06-2010, 12:38 PM   #7
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Re: Can twins be TOO attached to each other???

They will be more separate when they are ready, until then go w/ their flow in this matter.
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Old 05-18-2010, 09:34 PM   #8
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Re: Can twins be TOO attached to each other???

Why separate them? My 3 year old twins are never apart. If it would upset them why send them to a school where they had to be separated. I just really don't get the point. If I had a twin who was my bf I'd want to hang out with them all the time too.
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Old 11-19-2012, 05:40 AM   #9
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Red face Re: Can twins be TOO attached to each other???

Hello I do not have twins I have two brothers that have 1,5 years difference therefore the young one is 4 and the old one is 5,5 , the problem is for these two (cause they are not twins) they cant do anything without each other they always want to do everything together , my older one goes to his bedroom every night and they sleep in the same bed ... Is that normal ? When I tell him that next year he is going 1st class and his brother wont be with him he starts to cry I try to separate them by taking them out individually , but the one or the other starts to cry and misses each other, when I had to stay home from work cause one got sick I sent the other one to kindergarten , when he came back he ran right away to his brother and they started hugging and saying "ow my brother I missed you" it was like they haven't seen each other for years.
I am lecturing them that they have to be independent from each other but they do not listen.I do not know what to do.
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