View Poll Results: How did your childhood upbringing affect teen decisions? (Choose the closest!)
Strict parents - major teen disobedience (big regrets now) 5 6.85%
Strict parents - some teen disobedience (minor regrets) 14 19.18%
Strict parents - minor/no teen disobedience (no signif regrets) 16 21.92%
Not-strict parents - major teen disobedience (big regrets now) 5 6.85%
Not-strict parents - some teen disobedience (minor regrets) 12 16.44%
Not-strict parents - minor/no teen disobedience (no signif regrets) 21 28.77%
Voters: 73. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 03-01-2010, 10:07 PM   #1
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How did your upbringing affect your teenage?

I've been struggling with discipline decisions -- how much I want to insist on obedience, for example. My parents expected it, and I think maybe that helped me avoid some big mistakes as a teen.... Not trying to start a huge debate. Just curious how y'all think your childhood upbringing affected your big teenage decisions (drugs, sex, tattoos, study habits, friend choices -- things that you MIGHT regret later).

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Old 03-01-2010, 10:11 PM   #2
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Re: How did your upbringing affect your teenage?

An overwhelming marker of my teenage years was my amazing and loving relationship with my mother. I'm sure the fact that I didn't want to disappoint her factored into my decision-making as a young adult. My decisions were definitely my own, though. I think your "upbringing" only goes so far.
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Old 03-01-2010, 10:25 PM   #3
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Re: How did your upbringing affect your teenage?

Interesting question. I think a huge part that resulted in my lovely teenage years was the complete lack of balance in my parents' discipline (or lack there of). I love, love, love my parents but there were some serious issues there I had to work out as a growing adult. It didn't help that my mother and I had a culture barrier.

She is full-blooded Filipino and she was raising her children on American soil. It's different to say the least and because I didn't understand it, I resented it. I don't anymore now that I *get* it, but it was difficult at first. Of all the Filipinos I've ever met, I have known them to be blunt. Almost brutally blunt, but they aren't trying to be rude. It comes across as rude in American, but if they spoke in their language it wouldn't come across that way. For the longest time I thought my mother was being intentionally rude to me only to find out that it was her way of showing her loving concern. When I got that our relationship improved dramatically.

Anyway, yes. Balance.... and consistency.... and earnest communication .

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Old 03-01-2010, 10:32 PM   #4
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Re: How did your upbringing affect your teenage?

thats a hard one. and I didnt vote... I raised myself for the most part so cant really answer this question cuz I know some things I do are wrong, feel guilty, and yet still do whatever it is... KWIM?
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Old 03-01-2010, 10:33 PM   #5
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Re: How did your upbringing affect your teenage?

I haven't voted yet - my parents were strict & I had major disobedience issues. HOWEVER - it wasn't because my parents were strict, it was because of how they parented (which was poorly). I never felt loved or valued - why would i respect them? My oldest is 19, next oldest is 15 1/2. I am a strict parent. I have had virtually NO rebellion from my children. I'm not saying it wont ever happen, but I think that being strict has to come from an obvious place of love to be effective.

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Old 03-01-2010, 10:40 PM   #6
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Re: How did your upbringing affect your teenage?

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Originally Posted by musicalisa View Post
My decisions were definitely my own, though. I think your "upbringing" only goes so far.
I agree with this. My parents didn't care what I did or didn't do. There was nothing to strive for since nobody cared. I have since found things to strive for in my life, but unfortunately my brother and sister kept up with the I don't care attitude my parents showed us as children.

I think at some point you figure things out for yourself and change, but I do believe that my parents lack of parenting did affect my entire teenage era. I did whatever ( and I mean whatever) I wanted. I had no curfew because no one cared. The only reason I did so well in school is that I loved school. It was a place where people did care. I didn't want to disappoint my teachers and I made friends that would compete with me so there was a reason to study and do well. I had to kick my friends butt in whatever class we were in.

I just have to say that I live with the consequences of doing whatever I wanted at age 15 each and every day. I really wish that I had a stern parent in my life to help guide me through those years instead of a parent that didn't believe she should guide me in any direction what-so-ever.
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Old 03-01-2010, 11:00 PM   #7
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Re: How did your upbringing affect your teenage?

My parents were extremely strict, but mostly about grades and boys. My father's libertarian, so drug use and tattoos weren't rebellion. I rebelled in college by becoming vegetarian and going all liberal on them-- haha! My younger sister ran away at age 17 and had a baby by the time she was 20. Same parents, same rules...two totally different daughters.
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Old 03-01-2010, 11:01 PM   #8
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Re: How did your upbringing affect your teenage?

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My decisions were definitely my own, though. I think your "upbringing" only goes so far.
I completely agree. My older brother was a breeze when he was little, so my parents had no idea what to do with me (I was fiercely independent and stubborn from toddlerhood on). They let me get away with a lot, and I still made good decisions and learned to be agreeable as a teenager. If they would have been very strict, we just would have bumped heads, so I think they found a good balance of teaching me to make the right decisions, then actually letting me make them for myself.
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Old 03-01-2010, 11:34 PM   #9
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Re: How did your upbringing affect your teenage?

You forgot "inconsistent". My mom was alternately loosey goosey and ridiculously strict. I rebelled against the strict and wished for her to pay attention to me and show me she cared when she let me do whatever. I don't regret a thing I did. Also, nature sometimes overpowers nurture. It's a matter of giving them the tools to make responsible decisions.
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Old 03-01-2010, 11:47 PM   #10
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Re: How did your upbringing affect your teenage?

My parents were extremely strict, but I don't regret the things i did, the rebellion I mean. I think it was something that I 'needed' to do, a learning experience, and I did learn from it. I guess I just don't believe in having regrets about things you can't change and instead seeing what came out of it in a positive way. That doesn't mean I didn't do some incredibly stupid and even bad things. I used drugs and alcohol in a big way, destroyed a lot of my friendships, shoplifted, and did things that i find morally abhorrent now. It was mostly because of my out of control drug use and thankfully I saw the light and realised I had to grow up and do something with my life.

I don't know if it had so much to do with the strictness, but they were very judgmental and critical of me as a teen and I did not feel loved, particularly by my mother. I actually grew to 'hate' them over time and so I just didn't care at all if what I was doing was hurting them because I felt so hurt myself. Time has healed, and we have both had to work at the relationship but there are things that will never be quite right between us probably. I think if you experience love and acceptance then maybe it doesn't really matter how strict your parents are, although it would be nice to have some level of trust in your children.
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