View Poll Results: How did your childhood upbringing affect teen decisions? (Choose the closest!)
Strict parents - major teen disobedience (big regrets now) 5 6.85%
Strict parents - some teen disobedience (minor regrets) 14 19.18%
Strict parents - minor/no teen disobedience (no signif regrets) 16 21.92%
Not-strict parents - major teen disobedience (big regrets now) 5 6.85%
Not-strict parents - some teen disobedience (minor regrets) 12 16.44%
Not-strict parents - minor/no teen disobedience (no signif regrets) 21 28.77%
Voters: 73. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 03-02-2010, 12:11 AM   #11
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Re: How did your upbringing affect your teenage?

I honestly think that teenage behavior depends on the child in question since they are all different. I parent my kids the same for the most part (same rules and all) and my 12 year old is easy breezy, does whatever he's told, doesn't ever talk back, but my 10 year old (almost 11) rebels against EVERYTHING all of the time! He yells at us and slams doors and throws fits and pouts when he doesn't get his way! It is just crazy that 2 kids, 18 months apart in age with the same parents could be SO different.

So, I think a teenager's behavior has less to do with strict/lax parents and more to do with their personality. My parents were super strict and I rebelled some, but was mostly a very responsible person. Got married at 18 (we are still married 14 years later) and had my first baby at 20. DH's parents weren't strict at all and he was just the same as me (except he didn't rebel AT ALL).....very responsible and mature for his age....got married at 18, had a baby at 20, ect ect.

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Old 03-02-2010, 04:36 AM   #12
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Re: How did your upbringing affect your teenage?

I wasn't sure what to vote. I had a strict mother at times. I wasn't allowed to go to church, ride in cars with other teenagers, and not allowed to date. I went behind her back to ride in cars with other teenagers to go to youth group and church. And I started dating my now hubby as well. So in that sense, I was "disobedient", but if you asked any other adult/mentor in my life growing up, I was a TERRIFIC kid. Never smoked, never drank (other than a sip to taste something here and there and quickly found out it tastes gross), never partied, straight A student, volunteered a lot of time helping others, tutored disadvantaged kids for free.. I mean, come on, my biggest 'disobedience' was going to church and dating a God loving Christian who influenced me to be a better person! Lol

So, if I could vote, I'd say "strict, some disobedience, but NO regrets."
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Old 03-02-2010, 08:09 AM   #13
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Re: How did your upbringing affect your teenage?

Interesting comments, mamas! It sounds like consistency and love might be more pertinent than the level of strictness. Hope so! Now I just have to get the consistent part down....
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Old 03-02-2010, 08:48 AM   #14
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Re: How did your upbringing affect your teenage?

my father was strict, while my mom was not. i had more respect for my father and think his approach was MUCH more effective. I think it's important for a teenager to have strict guidelines and for their parents to be very involved and knowledgeable about who they are friends with/what they are doing, etc. A teenager will naturally push the limits and if the parent is not there, will make bad decisions. at least this was my experience and it will inform how i parent.
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Old 03-02-2010, 09:22 AM   #15
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Re: How did your upbringing affect your teenage?

Not sure how typical we are, but here it goes. My sister (first born) was raised in a very strict home with my mom and dad (my mom is her mom, and my dad has raised her since she was a toddler, but is her step-dad). She wasn't even allowed to be in the school marching band because that would mean that she would be out late after school. My mom was very strict with her. She started doing drugs, sneaking out, being disrespectful, the whole nine yards. She eventually got accepted into UC Berkeley (very prestigious state university here in California), but promptly dropped out as soon as she got there and continued rebelling from afar. She no longer talks with my mom.

By the time I came along 13 years later, my parents were very lax. My curfew on a school night was 2:00 AM. I kid you not! I could do pretty much anything I wanted to. But I didn't. I went out late, yes. But I went to the local church teen group (NEMA). I didn't do any drugs or drink. I never even smoked. I was a good student and very well-behaved.

Now who knows how much of that had to do with the way I was raised though. My sister was dealing with having a step-father (who she loved and adored, but still) and she grew up in a time and place where drugs were easily obtained. My parents moved when I was 8 to a very quiet, small town with a close community. There are so many factors, but for what it is worth, that is my story.
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Old 03-02-2010, 09:37 AM   #16
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Re: How did your upbringing affect your teenage?

I haven't voted yet, my mother was strict in someways and not in others. My dad was there, but was not at all strict. It was all very unconsistant and no one talked to me or my sister about ANY of the teenage issues we were facing. When I got my period, my mom never even talked to me! My mother did not like to let me go into any social situation or have friends, she wanted me home all the time, but didn't want to have anything to do with me when I was home. She wouldn't let me participate in any extra curricular activities, but let me get a job at 14 years old. She only let me hang out with my girl friends about once a month, but let me go on my first date the day before I turned 15 . When she found out that I had my whole high school schedule completely planned and wanted to go to college, she told me that they only had enough money to pay for my older sister and there wouldn't be any for me. That should have spurred me on to find a way to do it myself, but it made me feel sorry for myself and I rebelled. I moved out a few monthes after I turned 16, and my wonderful mother that HAD to have me home all the time, didn't even care and try to get me to come home. Almost all of the kids that worked after school jobs smoked and drank, and since I was around them (instead doing extracurricular activities with the kids that worked hard to make good grades and were headed to college) I started trying to fit in and have alot of regrets from those years. I did straighted myself out by the time I was around 21, but never attended college and sooo wish I would have done things differently. I think that the inconsistancy of her parenting as well as the lack of communication played a big role in the way my teen years went, however I certainly could have reacted to those things in a much different way, so ultimately it was my own bad choices that made my teen years such h*ll.
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Old 03-02-2010, 10:03 AM   #17
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Re: How did your upbringing affect your teenage?

My mom was a single working mother and I spent a lot of time alone. I had rules that I was expected to follow; curfew, chores and grades really. I did what was asked of me without any real resistance because it was reasonable. Even to me as a teen. I also had a lot of freedom and knew that my mom trusted me. I actually went out of my way to be responsible because I felt like if I broke her trust my life wouldn't be as easy and laid back as it was.

I would venture to say I'm more strict with my kids than my mom was with me but I imagine that's because I co-parent with DH and he was raised in a rather strict enviroment. Still, we both feel like giving the kids reasonable boundries and rules cuts out a lot of rebellion.

Mostly, they are expected to respect our home and follow the house rules, (Keep your room clean, no phone calls after a certain time, do your chores), speak to us as they would want to be spoken to and we do the same, keep their grades up and help around the house when we need them to (like pitching in to get meals ready and things like that).

I don't have full-on teenagers yet so I imagine some additional things will come into play when I do. I think, for us, we've made it a point not to enundate them with a million tiny rules. They know what we ask of them, they know we're open for discussion of whatever is on their mind as long as it's an exchange of ideas and not a whining session and so far, I have no complaints.
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Old 03-02-2010, 12:32 PM   #18
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Re: How did your upbringing affect your teenage?

My parents were pretty strict, but also very loving most of the time. I grew up in a very conservative church, and I was not allowed to wear pants or cut my hait or wear jewelry or watch tv or listen to rock music or a lot of other things. The denomination we were a part of folded when I was very little, and my parents began to loosen up and see where some of their rules were excessive. I think seeing this happen in them made a big impact on me. They kept the rules that made sense (you have to go to church, can't date till sixteen, can't wear revealing clothes or listen to music with explicit lyrics, etc.), but they admitted they were wrong about other things. It made me more willing to follow the rules they kept, and more willing to own up to my own mistakes.
I think some degree of "strictness" is necessary for the development of children and teenagers. They need boundaries to know what is acceptable behavior and what is not. They need chores to learn a work ethic. They need rules to know what the family's priorities and values are, and to work within them.
On the other hand, there's such a thing as too strict.
Whatever your parenting style. Your kids have to see you modeling the behavior yiu expect of them, and they have to know that you do things the way you do because you love them.
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Old 03-02-2010, 12:55 PM   #19
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Re: How did your upbringing affect your teenage?

I can't decide if I should vote that my parents were strict or not. Seriously.

My parents were very strict when we were little kids. We were expected to be polite and kind to each other and to our parents. We did chores and helped around the house and had firm bedtimes, etc. As we got older, the rules loosed quite a bit. We were always expected to be respectful and kind, but my parents gave me a lot of freedom in other areas. I never had a curfew and I was allowed to date and listened to whatever music I wanted. I was expected to get good grades and go on to a good college.

I never rebelled as a teenager and neither did my siblings. I think it is because we had nothing to rebel against! My parents were very loving and open with us. We were able to talk to them about anything. Our friends were always hanging around our house and my mom especially loved talking to my friends. My parents trusted me to do the right thing and for the most part I did. (Of course I made some mistakes, but I never drank or smoked or slept around or stole or lied.)

When I was young, they were strict. When I was a teenager, they were strict with what they expected from me, but I had very few rules to follow. It definitely worked for our family.
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Old 03-02-2010, 12:58 PM   #20
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Re: How did your upbringing affect your teenage?

Quote:
Originally Posted by msmellissa View Post
My mom was a single working mother and I spent a lot of time alone. I had rules that I was expected to follow; curfew, chores and grades really. I did what was asked of me without any real resistance because it was reasonable. Even to me as a teen. I also had a lot of freedom and knew that my mom trusted me. I actually went out of my way to be responsible because I felt like if I broke her trust my life wouldn't be as easy and laid back as it was.

I would venture to say I'm more strict with my kids than my mom was with me but I imagine that's because I co-parent with DH and he was raised in a rather strict enviroment. Still, we both feel like giving the kids reasonable boundries and rules cuts out a lot of rebellion.

Mostly, they are expected to respect our home and follow the house rules, (Keep your room clean, no phone calls after a certain time, do your chores), speak to us as they would want to be spoken to and we do the same, keep their grades up and help around the house when we need them to (like pitching in to get meals ready and things like that).

I don't have full-on teenagers yet so I imagine some additional things will come into play when I do. I think, for us, we've made it a point not to enundate them with a million tiny rules. They know what we ask of them, they know we're open for discussion of whatever is on their mind as long as it's an exchange of ideas and not a whining session and so far, I have no complaints.
It sounds like our parents were on the same page!
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