Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-02-2010, 09:05 AM   #1
Sleep deprived
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,154
WWYD? Second child

So, I always planned to have 2. When DH and I had the "important conversation" before we got married, we agreed on 2 kids. I wanted them to be about 2 years apart, because that was the age difference between my brother and I, and it worked really well.

Fast forward six years. DS is one, and we've been having the "should we have another" conversation. I still want another, though at this point, I am not entirely sure whether I want a second child more in theory than in practice. DH really doesn't want another, though he caveats that he might change his mind. His reasons are that the first was so overwhelming and his job is so time-consuming that he feels he doesn't have the resources to do it twice. DH isn't one of those dads who only participates halfway - we share parenting very nearly equally. So, when he says he doesn't think he can handle the added workload, it's with a sense of what the workload really was for the first child. On the other hand, we now employ a nanny, so we would have help we didn't have in the initial months with DS.

I felt that having a sibling was something really special for me, and I feel somewhat guilty that we as a couple might not be willing to make the sacrifices necessary for DS to have that. On the other hand, I also worry that insisting on a second child now is deliberately over-committing my not-entirely-willing DH, when I myself am slightly daunted by the prospect of a second child. On the other other hand, I'm not sure I want a second at all if we delay too long. I'd rather front-load the work of two toddlers and financially, I'd rather limit the amount we spend on childcare by having the kids start school in the same general time frame.

What would you do?

Advertisement

Sleep deprived is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2010, 09:10 AM   #2
jac1976
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 3,613
Re: WWYD? Second child

Honestly, if you aren't 100% sure, I would wait.
__________________
After struggling with PCOS, IF, and multiple miscarriages, my family is complete.
DS 2005 and DD 2007
jac1976 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2010, 09:19 AM   #3
S Starr's Avatar
S Starr
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 3,312
My Mood:
Re: WWYD? Second child

I understand where both of you are coming from. Can't help you make the decision, but I will say that adding a second child was a lot harder for us. She's almost 20 months, and we're still struggling with patience, sleep, housework.... And even though I think, like you, that it's wonderful to have a sibling, DD1 has lost a lot of our attention, one-on-one time, patience, and play. So if you choose to stick with just one, I wouldn't feel bad. There would be advantages to your child. Hugs, mama!
__________________
Mama to E 3/06 and M 7/08
S Starr is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2010, 09:24 AM   #4
Gerdgrid
Formerly K****i
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,521
Re: WWYD? Second child

Quote:
Originally Posted by jac1976 View Post
Honestly, if you aren't 100% sure, I would wait.
This, very much this.
Gerdgrid is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2010, 09:42 AM   #5
MySillyBearCub's Avatar
MySillyBearCub
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Northern, IN
Posts: 636
My Mood:
Re: WWYD? Second child

We aren't quite in the same boat as we aren't yet ready to talk about #2 but when the general idea comes up I get the feeling I'll be in a similar situation. Our goal was 3-4 years apart so I still have time.

In your case, what is the biggest age gap you would be comfortable with? I don't think it's fair to push the issue if DH really isn't comfortable or ready for another. It wouldn't be fair to you, him or the future child.
MySillyBearCub is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2010, 09:44 AM   #6
sustone's Avatar
sustone
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Apex, NC
Posts: 1,174
My Mood:
Re: WWYD? Second child

I always say that no one ever regrets having a child- they often regret NOT having a child. I had a therapist yrs back that said that only children is a sad situation. And that it isn't healthy. It is always hard to begin with but so worth it in the end. I think you should go for it
__________________
married to my best friend and high school sweetheart for 7 yrs. SAHM to Madison(8 going on 18), Lilian- 18 months, our miracle born in March 09 after 3 yrs TTC with fertility treatments and IVF and FET, conceived while we took a "break", and Logan (8/11/2010)- my induced no pain med labor-OMG!!! Always remembering Tim......Working very PT as a float pool RN and loving my happily ever after.....
sustone is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2010, 09:51 AM   #7
sjmj
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 843
Re: WWYD? Second child

If both of you are not totally on board with the idea then don't have another yet.

I think it is really helpful to lay out the pros and cons on paper (I guess I am very analytical). I would also keep in mind the other factors like how old are you willing to be pregnant and how far apart are you willing to have babies (that way you know how much time you guys have to make a final decision).

Yes, I do know people that regret having another baby and share the information a bit more than I think they should...every family has different needs/wants.
sjmj is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2010, 09:57 AM   #8
nakedbabytoes
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Wonderful Nebraska!
Posts: 5,901
My Mood:
Re: WWYD? Second child

I was similar to you in that I wanted to give each child the best I could give & wasn't sure I could for two kids. Our solution was to space them apart so the oldest would be in school FT when the sibling arrived. Our boys are almost 7 years apart & I love it!
They play together really well & I can give the little one full attention physically(holding, cuddling, BF) without my older guy being jealous. He loves baby more than we do!
__________________
Bye bye.
nakedbabytoes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2010, 10:07 AM   #9
Gerdgrid
Formerly K****i
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,521
Re: WWYD? Second child

Quote:
Originally Posted by sjmj View Post
Yes, I do know people that regret having another baby and share the information a bit more than I think they should...every family has different needs/wants.
Everyone always says people won't regret another child, but I know several who do...and who knows how many more that have the good sense not to put that particular feeling into words.

I would never use that argument to talk my partner into having a child. He needs to come to that realization in his own heart.
Gerdgrid is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2010, 10:16 AM   #10
Amaggiepie's Avatar
Amaggiepie
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 3,221
My Mood:
Re: WWYD? Second child

I would wait and reevaluate in about a year or so. I know that as much as I love babies, I was NOT ready for another when DD was 1 year. We waited until she was 2 1/2 to start trying, because by then she was semi-independant, was sleeping well in her own bed, was on the way to PLing, and wasn't as much of a baby anymore. I really think its important for each child to have their own baby time (my opinion as the eldest of 8 who are all spaced 1-2 years apart). While the thought of another baby might be overwhelming right now, a lot can change in a year.
__________________
Maggie, Falling in LOVE with my sexy DF Carlos all over again
WOHM to Juliana Elise (03/07) Wesley Dominick (06/10)
and Lily Carmen (10/12)
Amaggiepie is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.