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Old 03-02-2010, 10:21 AM   #11
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Re: WWYD? Second child

I would wait since it doesn't sound like either of you are entirely sure. Even having them 3 or 4 years apart isn't that far of a spacing, so IMO you still have some time to think about it.

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Old 03-02-2010, 10:40 AM   #12
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Re: WWYD? Second child

I would wait until you feel comfortable with the idea. A lot can change in a matter of months!

Myself, I had been SURE that I would want to try for #2 when DD was 1.. that was my plan in the months leading up to her first birthday. But then I realized, I was not ready yet! Fast forward about 7 months from then, and I was starting to feel a LOT better about the idea, and DH was on board when I brought it up with him. DD was 21 months at this time, which is a BIG difference in my opinion from the 12 month old. She will be 2 1/2 when her little brother is born, and I'm SO happy with our choices and timing.
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Old 03-02-2010, 11:28 AM   #13
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Re: WWYD? Second child

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Originally Posted by Amaggiepie View Post
I would wait and reevaluate in about a year or so. I know that as much as I love babies, I was NOT ready for another when DD was 1 year. We waited until she was 2 1/2 to start trying, because by then she was semi-independant, was sleeping well in her own bed, was on the way to PLing, and wasn't as much of a baby anymore. I really think its important for each child to have their own baby time (my opinion as the eldest of 8 who are all spaced 1-2 years apart). While the thought of another baby might be overwhelming right now, a lot can change in a year.
I agree. If you both are uncomfortable ith the idea at this momentten you should wait. But I would not make any permanent decisions right now. Deciding to have a baby is a big decision but deciding to not ever have any more is also a ery big decision. Wait a year or two or three and rethink the question. While I can deffinately understand being overwhelmed by multiple children I can't really understand how someone might wish they NEVER had one of their kids. Maybe not so close together but NEVER?..that's pretty harsh. I know that those people exist but I couldn't imagine. I do know people who have regretted doing some sort of permanent fix. You never know how you might feel 2,3,4 or 10 years down the road.
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Old 03-02-2010, 02:04 PM   #14
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Re: WWYD? Second child

If you're both not sure, I'd keep the conversation open. We had always planned on 3 (at least), but when DS was a year, we weren't sure yet if we wanted another. My FIL had just died, and DW was a wreck; I had just taken my PhD comprehensive exams and was looking towards my dissertation; and DS was amazing, and we weren't sure about diverting attention away from him then. We just wanted some more time just the three of us. And then, when he turned two and things had settled down a bit, and he was more independent, it became clear to us that we were ready, and our daughter was born on DS's 3rd birthday.

I knew as soon as DD was born that I wanted a 3rd, but DW wasn't sure. I didn't bring it up; I let her think about it and talk about it, and we've decided to ttc #3. In an ideal world, we'd wait to try until DD was 2, so that there would be a closer to 3 year difference (at least) between DD and #3, but DW is turning 4 in May, so time is of the essence for us.

We have friends who were convinced that they would only have one child; they were both only children and very happy about it. Hanging around our daughter as a nb changed their minds, and they're now expecting their 2nd. I wouldn't make any firm decisions at this point. Just keep enjoying your DS, and see what happens. You may find that in 6 months you're ready to ttc#2, or that you both feel your family is complete.
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Old 03-02-2010, 02:28 PM   #15
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Re: WWYD? Second child

Why don't you and DH set a deadline of when you will discuss it again? It is not abnormal to be hesistant about having a second. The fact that you all have a nanny this time around can really make a huge difference though. Also, don't forget that you are seasoned parents and bring a lot of skills to the table that you did not have when your first was born. It might be helpful to really hash out all the details, where will they sleep, how will you pay for additional childcare, who will take over what additional duties, etc. Maybe just getting into the nitty gritty will shed some light on what decision you should make. Give yourself a break and don't let stress get you overwhelmed about making this decision. You don't HAVE to decide right now. Just because you thought you would have two kids close together does not mean that things have to be done according to the original plan.
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Old 03-02-2010, 02:39 PM   #16
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Re: WWYD? Second child

I'd also suggest holding off and waiting a bit. We had a pregnancy scare when my DD was under 1. I actually had wanted kids fairly close in age, but found out at that point we just were not ready. We actively decided at that point to wait until DD was 2 to revisit the issue. Once she was two, we sat down made a game plan and decided to TTC in Fall 2009. I'm so glad we waited.

I'd probably lay off the issue for now, and maybe arrange to discuss the issue in 6 month intervals to see how you're both feeling then.
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Old 03-02-2010, 03:09 PM   #17
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Re: WWYD? Second child

If you had asked either of us when our son was that age we would have said No way! But we came around at my son's second birthday and it took us 10 months to get pregnant. I am excited about the 3 year 4 months spacing I am going to have. My niece and nephew are the same spacing and they get along really well. You never know. There is no perfect spacing. If you are not ready give it time. You have plenty of it before you will be in that too long is too long space.
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Old 03-02-2010, 05:13 PM   #18
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Re: WWYD? Second child

We had always said we wanted our two close together but that was before we found out how expensive one is, never mind how much work is involved. We decided pretty early on that it was going to be a long time, if at all before we had another. We finally felt ready last year, dd was 5, I was 31 and it seemed like it was now or never. She will be 6.5 when her brother comes in May.

The biggest expense of having them this far apart has been that we had to buy all over again as we sold most of our stuff when we moved overseas. I had planned to stop working full-time once dd hit 1st grade anyway so now I will be home for her and with the baby, and we only had to pay for daycare once. Not to mention we will have more space between college bills for the two of them.

It's daunting going into baby world again after so long but I feel like I know so much more having gone through all of it once, as well as having helped several friends along the way. My dd is also going to be so much more help now than she would have been at 2 or 3.

Don't feel like a small gap is your only option. You can wait awhile and still have options.
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Old 03-02-2010, 09:49 PM   #19
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Re: WWYD? Second child

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Old 03-03-2010, 08:53 PM   #20
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Re: WWYD? Second child

We were in exactly the same boat. Always thought we wanted 2 then after the amount of work from the first one we were pretty sure we were done. Then birth control failed, and along came DD. And for us, the second was sooooooooo much easier! For me, I think, having one child was a huge lifestyle change. Having a second just added more to the new life we created after DS. Anyway, good luck.
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