View Poll Results: Do your children have to say sir/maam?
Yes, to everyone, including parents 61 29.05%
Yes, to grandparents, teachers, etc. 23 10.95%
Yes, to teachers, etc. 26 12.38%
Not at all. 86 40.95%
Other (there's always an other!) 23 10.95%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 210. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 04-06-2010, 09:46 PM   #21
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Re: Kids having to say sir and maam

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Originally Posted by WhiteRockMom View Post
I dont think it indicates respect. It makes me uncomfortable actually...
This is my personal belief, too. I don't expect my children to automatically give an adult respect simply because they are an adult. All people should be afforded respect until they prove they don't deserve it. And we ask all new adults how they would like the children to call them, by first name, Mrs Soandso or what. They get to tell us. Personally, I ask the kid's friends to call me Kathy.

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Old 04-06-2010, 09:55 PM   #22
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Re: Kids having to say sir and maam

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If it doesn't work for you then that's fine, but I do believe that children should not address adults by just their first name unless given permission by that person to do so. I am also "young" and brought up in a very informal household.
His Gymboree teachers are Ms Janet and Miss Ashley, his friends' parents are all Mr/Mrs first name. The only people who aren't are ones who have asked to be addressed by first name only, but that was after they were Mr/Ms for a while. That's how I was raised, and DH and I actually both agree on that one.

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To the op: Why don't you work on it your way and your dh can work on it his way? Your kids can learn that mommy does not care that much but daddy does expect it to be said when he is around.
I tried that. DH would make a point to stop him and say "Tell mommy 'yes ma'am" every time he'd say "yes mommy". That's also why it's become an issue - his family raises kids much different than I was raised, and they do a lot of things that I don't agree with (including yelling at them for everything, telling them not to be sissies when they cry, not comforting them, etc), and insist that it be done their way even against my wishes. My MIL and I actually had a confrontation when she told me that she raised 2 kids perfectly fine and everything about my way of parenting was wrong. She only finally calmed down when I told her that she may have raised two kids, but they're not perfect and neither was my child. DH and I parent the same way when we're together, but if he's with his family, it's a different story. DH is almost swayable on this issue, but I need to be able to say that it's not how everyone does it and really explain my issues with it (that I couldn't really put into words before).
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Old 04-06-2010, 10:02 PM   #23
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Re: Kids having to say sir and maam

Not at all. In my neck of the woods, people don't say sir or ma'am unless they're being sarcastic.
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Old 04-06-2010, 10:12 PM   #24
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Re: Kids having to say sir and maam

DS absolutely says yes/no sir/ma'am. At 3 he also correctly uses please, thank you, excuse me, etc. He calls all adults Mr/Mrs/Ms first name or Aunt or Uncle so and so OR by the nickname he has given them (he has nicknames for my 2 best girl friends). We are in Southern Louisiana (right outside New Orleans) and this is absolutely the norm down here. We also greet strangers in passing which I heard people from other places don't do.
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Old 04-06-2010, 10:27 PM   #25
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Re: Kids having to say sir and maam

I only ask my kids to include it as a yes/no response. And then generally only if they are being chewed out or given specific instructions. Usually preceded by "Do you understand me?"
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Old 04-06-2010, 10:48 PM   #26
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Re: Kids having to say sir and maam

I just don't agree with it as a rule...probably because I've been raised on the West Coast, and we just don't talk like that here (I never hear people talk like that). If that is how somebody expects to be addressed, then fine. However, my skin crawls when people call me ma'am. Seriously...I'm 35, not 85. I don't want to be called miss or ma'am. I CERTAINLY wouldn't want my kids calling me anything other than mom, momma, mommy or any other pet name they have for me.
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Old 04-07-2010, 12:14 AM   #27
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Re: Kids having to say sir and maam

I was not raised to say yes/no sir/maam. However, when I moved to NC I found it to be a form of respect. I started saying it. I married a man in the military...it is a BIG part of his career. Our children have been taught to say it. DD is 2 and we are working on it with her. It is a form of respect and our job is to teach our children how to respect other and be outstanding citizens.
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Old 04-07-2010, 12:19 AM   #28
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Re: Kids having to say sir and maam

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I don't require it. I don't even require Please when they are asking for something. For me it is totally tone I am concerned with. If they are respectful, I'm happy. They can be respectful without saying sir or ma'am.

I grew up in the South and knew a lot of kids that said sir or ma'am because it was just natural. It was the typical thing there to do. All my friends that said it said it to all adults and most of them had great relationships with their parents.

I agree that saying yes/no sir/ma'am doesn't mean your kids will not be close to you and have a great relationship. MY children are young, but people comment to me daily on how our children are so loving and we are so loving to them. And a lot of the time we refer to our children as Mr. and Miss. As in Miss. Juliana, you did wonderful in that restaurant. It gives her a sense of respect and makes her feel as though she is not only loved, but respected.
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Old 04-07-2010, 07:15 AM   #29
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Re: Kids having to say sir and maam

I voted other - My children are supposed to respond "Yes ma'am" or "Yes sir" when told to do something by myself or my husband and also my mom and dad. As far as other adults, teachers and what not, I just expect respectful answers.

I find, for my children anyway, that they "hear" what I'm saying more if they reply Yes Ma'am/Sir, versus just "ok" or another answer.
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Old 04-07-2010, 07:44 AM   #30
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Re: Kids having to say sir and maam

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My children do, however we are a military family and its what is natural for us. Its a term of respect and we want our children to be respectful. My children are required to say yes sir or mam at all times.
except for we are a Southern family rather than a military family. It is a term of respect and our children do say it to all adults. Or they are supposed to anyway. They need to do it to all adults at all times for consistency purposes and they need to show respect to all adults, not just some.
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