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Old 04-15-2010, 11:28 AM   #11
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Re: Co-sleeping death - not sure how to feel now

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Hugs & prayers for your family - how heartbreaking!
I agree, heartbreaking.

I'm very, very sorry for the loss of the sweet baby. I don't co-sleep, but I still worried tons when my babies were small. At least once I fell asleep in the glider rocker while nursing my boys when they were infants, and I don't believe there was anything I could have done about it b/c I was so sleep-deprived.

Every decision has risk involved; I think the best thing you can do is to tell people the risks and the benefits of co-sleeping and let them make an informed decision about what they want to do.

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Old 04-15-2010, 11:29 AM   #12
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Re: Co-sleeping death - not sure how to feel now

I am so sorry for the loss in your family. That mama must feel completely devastated. As far as co-sleeping, I co-sleep now at times with my 9 month old, but when he was a smaller infant, I would pull him in bed to nurse him, and then I would put him in his bassinet if I was going to sleep for the night. Sometimes as a new mama, it is so easy to be so tired that you sleep deeply.
There are so many benefits to co-sleeping and a safer option would be to use a co-sleeper bassinet next to the bed.
This is not the first time I have heard of a co-sleeping baby suffocating..and it is so very sad. Hugs and prayers to the baby's mama.
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Old 04-15-2010, 11:33 AM   #13
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Re: Co-sleeping death - not sure how to feel now

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That is terrible...I'm so sad for that mother but I do think the reality is that it can happen easier than we think.
I am so sorry for your family!

I am a great advocate of co-sleeping, but I agree with TXkjo. I still get a cold chill thinking about what could have happened during those nights that I was so exhausted that I fell asleep nursing. Thankfully, Ladybug was 8 lb 6 oz when she was born and that helped but although co-sleeping was a blessing when she woke up every 30-45 minutes, it could have turned out quite differently. I actually remember thinking to myself numerous times that the situation wasn't quite safe, but I didn't know what else to do I was so tired!

For the next one, I will have the baby in the sidecarred crib or in a bassinet. Or we'll sleep together on the floor with no blankets or pillows on a futon or some other firm surface. If I nurse, I'll nurse sitting up until the baby's can roll over on their own.

Once again, I am so so sorry for your loss!
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Old 04-15-2010, 11:34 AM   #14
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Re: Co-sleeping death - not sure how to feel now

Oh my. I am so sorry for their loss - and I just can't imagine how incredibly devastated and heartbroken they must be. I hope they do not blame themselves. As PPs have mentioned, SIDS can strike crib sleepers and co-sleepers alike.

That being said, personally, I don't feel comfortable co-sleeping until AFTER 6 months old or so. I am just way too paranoid about this exact thing. I want my baby to be strong enough to push themselves away from me if I happen to fall asleep and somehow my breast or my body is obstructing his/her breathing.
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Old 04-15-2010, 11:40 AM   #15
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Re: Co-sleeping death - not sure how to feel now

I'm so sorry for your family, what a devastating thing to have happen!

I was terrified of the idea of having a baby in the bed with me when I had DD - I was SURE something bad would happen. But now that I've educated myself more, I know cosleeping IS still safe as long as every precaution is taken. And even then, bad things can still happen unfortunately.
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Old 04-15-2010, 11:54 AM   #16
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Re: Co-sleeping death - not sure how to feel now

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How sad. I am so sorry. I wouldn't second guess your cosleeping beliefs. More babies die in cribs each year and in car accidents but people don't second guess those choices. Babies sometimes die in cosleeping situations but if practiced safely, it is very unlikely to happen. The reality is that one should never fall asleep nursing a baby, never use pillows when cosleeping with a baby, limit covers, never cover the baby with blankets or sheets, and be very careful about the headboard and side rails. The cosleepers should never drink alcohol before sleeping nor take any drugs that might impair thinking or make one sleep deeper. When these safety tips are practiced religiously, babies do not die in cosleeping situations except for SIDS.

So, people need to stop fretting. Cosleeping is not the enemy. A baby can die in a crib, too. But here are some tips from a world authority on cosleeping about how to do it safely.

http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/safe.html



There is a lot of speculation thrown around when a baby dies, especially co-sleeping, so are they sure it was suffocation?

to you and your family
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Old 04-15-2010, 11:59 AM   #17
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Re: Co-sleeping death - not sure how to feel now

I'm so sorry for the loss. I can only imagine how devastating it would be.

I co-slept occasionally myself, but never while nursing, never wearing loose fitting clothing, without blankets, and between me and the cosleeper (not next to DH), and I was still terrified something would happen. I was so exhausted that it didn't matter how I was nursing DD, I would sometimes begin to fall asleep. I always nurse sitting up on a couch, but the same thing could happen there. I had to use headphones and put loud music on the ipod, and I would NAK at the same time. It seemed to do the trick.
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Old 04-15-2010, 12:04 PM   #18
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Re: Co-sleeping death - not sure how to feel now

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Do they know for sure it was suffocation? Like was the baby obviously obstructed from breathing? Because co-sleeper kids still die from SIDS and underlying health issues only discovered upon autopsy. Don't automatically blame co-sleeping if it wasn't an obvious suffocation. Like did she get caught between people or pillows or blankets. Then that is poor choice on the adult's part not co-sleeping in general.
I'm sorry for their loss no matter what the reason. When a baby dies, there is little comfort to be had in the "how".
Many more peoples around the world co-sleep than crib sleep, yet cribs have been the outright cause of way more deaths than co-sleeping. I say be vigilent but be safe about it.
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Originally Posted by delphinium View Post
How sad. I am so sorry. I wouldn't second guess your cosleeping beliefs. More babies die in cribs each year and in car accidents but people don't second guess those choices. Babies sometimes die in cosleeping situations but if practiced safely, it is very unlikely to happen. The reality is that one should never fall asleep nursing a baby, never use pillows when cosleeping with a baby, limit covers, never cover the baby with blankets or sheets, and be very careful about the headboard and side rails. The cosleepers should never drink alcohol before sleeping nor take any drugs that might impair thinking or make one sleep deeper. When these safety tips are practiced religiously, babies do not die in cosleeping situations except for SIDS.

So, people need to stop fretting. Cosleeping is not the enemy. A baby can die in a crib, too. But here are some tips from a world authority on cosleeping about how to do it safely.

http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/safe.html
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There is a lot of speculation thrown around when a baby dies, especially co-sleeping, so are they sure it was suffocation?

to you and your family
and I am so sorry!

Many times with a Co-Sleeping death it is assumed to be suffocation. SIDS is when nothing else fits but if a child is sleeping with their parents in a bed not crib the first though is suffocation. Many times that isn't the case and the death couldn't be prevented.

Again I am very sorry.
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Old 04-15-2010, 12:33 PM   #19
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Re: Co-sleeping death - not sure how to feel now

Wow. Thanks for posting about this, I guess I do know it happens but I'm not that careful, I often fall asleep while nursing DD in bed. I often wake up and she's snuggled right into my armpit and covered by sheets... I have to be more careful about it. I'm so sorry for your family's loss.
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Old 04-15-2010, 12:39 PM   #20
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Re: Co-sleeping death - not sure how to feel now

I feel extra terrible for co-sleeping parents who loose children , it seems too often they are blamed for their choices when they might not be at fault. No one talks about or rarely questions the use of a crib when a baby dies in one, but the parents are always questioned when its a co-sleeping baby that dies. I think for the sensationalism alone it seems often times like it is more common to lose babies to cosleeping. Only if cosleeping were the norm here would we hear more about crib deaths, that is just how things go. I think in the end everyone needs to do whats best for their family as take the safety procautions as well with that choice.

Bless this family, no matter the how or why, its a very tough road to have to travel.
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