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Old 04-15-2010, 07:58 PM   #1
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Angry SIL dilikes my child. Cousins can't play.

I can't stand it. Half the reason we moved to this town from Texas was so that Sophie and A* can play together. They are 3 weeks apart in age!

A* is super allergic to everything and her mommy is a single mom thanks to a cheating alcoholic ex-DH. A* is SILs entire world. Like helocopter mom. Which is fine but A* can do no wrong (even though we have seen otherwise) and Sophie does EVERYTHING wrong (which we know otherwise). A* goes to "school" (more like daycare because I saw the syllabus and my kid already knows all that stuff and continues to learn). Yet another way A* is better than my child. They are 4 I never compared them (because I think its cruel) But she brings these things to mind with her remarks. I hate that she changed that about me.

I was taking A* to daycare and picking her up so SIL could go to college. I even took her to her sitters house after daycare despite the fact that I am Auntie and an SAHM and offered free care. She said "oh she just really loves her friends" I HINTED "I wish Sophie had freinds, but we just moved. At least she has family though"...Sophie asks my why is A* leaving the car already and can't she play with A*? This was Mon-Thurs.

There was a meltdown and breaking pioint when SIL was on the phone with DH (her bro) and Sophie took the phone to speak with Auntie to ask how did she and A* like the avocado icecream we made her (because A* is allergic to everything) SIL said she didn't care for it and Sophie Replied "We made that for you because of allergies sillyhead!" Well I guess that was just the straw that broke the camels back because "Sillyhead" must be some kind of swear word in her house (its lighthearted here)! DH and SIL argued on the phone about how terrible Sophie is and name-calling. And how her parenting is better and before she hung up she said Sophie was going to have a horrible life!

Sophie and A* are NO DIFFERENT in regards to how often and how severe they misbehave the only difference is A* is snide, sneaky and secretive about it, whereas Sophie is loud and obvious about it. They just have different styles. A* HAS TO be sneaky when she misbehaves, her mom is a helocopter!

Also during the phone call she said "I WANT like her, but I just can't" What kind of adult says this about a 4 year old (family member too). And the only reason she has been this lenient and "let it go" this long is that we are family. WHAT!? Well that isn't true. Because No ONE else has had this problem before! Sophies had best freinds (TX) sunday school, babysat, library group. Nothing happened that set her apart as worse than some other kid. No big behaviour talks or anything.

DH has asked his sister to stay away from our family so we don't have to walk on eggshells around her and her conditional acceptance (or lack thereof)of our child and family. He said Sophie can't live under that.

And now SIL is late to college everyday because daycare and college start at the same time but they are 30 miles apart. We have given her so much this past year (time money presents) we never expected anything in return, except maybe that she shouldn't look down on us?!?! Me kid is SO missing A*

And we got a new carpet because the previous owner had a dog incase A* would EVER come over (again, allergic). For nothing.


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Old 04-15-2010, 07:58 PM   #2
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Re: SIL dilikes my child. Cousins can't play.

Wow sorry that was a book. I thought Id stop after 2 paragraphs.
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Old 04-15-2010, 08:03 PM   #3
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Re: SIL dilikes my child. Cousins can't play.

What a crappy situation. Hopefully your SIL will see the light and apologize for her ugly behavior. I can't believe she'd act like that after everything you guys have done and offered to do for her.
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Old 04-15-2010, 08:03 PM   #4
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Re: SIL dilikes my child. Cousins can't play.

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Old 04-15-2010, 08:22 PM   #5
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Re: SIL dilikes my child. Cousins can't play.

mama! This has got to be so difficult for you and your DH to deal with. I can't believe that she treated your daughter like that and behaved in that manner. She acts like she said the worst swear word in the book. If she didn't like the, for lack of better description, name calling as she says then she could've said nicely to your daughter that it makes her uncomfortable. There was no need to make this a big blow up at all. Besides who says that they tried to like a 4 year old?! That is just totally unreasonable. Kids are kids and they always do the most unexpected stuff. I'd like to know who she thinks is going to help her now. After all that you've have done for her, the least she can do is act like a grown up and be thankful to you guys for helping. You guys being helpful to her wasn't a requirement but you guys did it b/c you knew she needed the help. I would think that she would remember that but seeing how she behaves, I guess she doesn't. Again big for going through so much with your SIL.
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Old 04-15-2010, 08:55 PM   #6
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Re: SIL dilikes my child. Cousins can't play.

Wow That upsets ME and I don't even know your SIL and her daughter. I can only imagine how your girl feels. I just don't see how someone can dislike a child. She's 4 year's old, for goodness sake, and unless she goes around shoving and hitting A*, I really don't understand her disdain for Sophie. I really hope she comes around.. But I almost think a relationship with your SIL isn't even worth your time or effort anymore, not even for the kids. Sophie will soon start to realize that her aunt is being cruel towards her and it will hurt her more than to just cut ties for now.
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Old 04-15-2010, 09:36 PM   #7
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Re: SIL dilikes my child. Cousins can't play.

I'm so sorry, I hope everything gets better.
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Old 04-15-2010, 09:53 PM   #8
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Re: SIL dilikes my child. Cousins can't play.

Ugh. What a horrible, ugly person your SIL is. Please just cut off all contact from her, for your daughter's sake. I'm so sorry she and you guys have to deal with such a poor excuse for a mother of all things!

May I ask, what made you move in the first place? I hope it wasn't just to be near her, since you said Sophie had many friends and great schools, etc where you lived before. Either way I'm sure Sophie will have no problems making new friends! What about getting her into different play groups or activities (sports, dance? art?)
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Old 04-16-2010, 06:06 AM   #9
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Re: SIL dilikes my child. Cousins can't play.

It is very exhausting to try and keep giving a relative so much and receiving not even a thanks in return. Your DH did the right thing in creating some healthy distance for now. Hopefully your SIL will grow up and see how she treated you wrong but don't count on it. Just continue your lives and help Sophie bond with other kids. I'm sorry you got so mistreated. Shame on her.
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Old 04-16-2010, 09:00 AM   #10
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Re: SIL dilikes my child. Cousins can't play.

Quote:
Originally Posted by crunchymom2b View Post
Ugh. What a horrible, ugly person your SIL is. Please just cut off all contact from her, for your daughter's sake. I'm so sorry she and you guys have to deal with such a poor excuse for a mother of all things!

May I ask, what made you move in the first place? I hope it wasn't just to be near her, since you said Sophie had many friends and great schools, etc where you lived before. Either way I'm sure Sophie will have no problems making new friends! What about getting her into different play groups or activities (sports, dance? art?)

Well first we were getting out of the Navy. We were always going to come back to Oregon. But my town, or DHs? Well FIL is 82 and needs a relationship with is grandkids and SIL was there with another 4 year old. So DHs town made the most sense.

This town has only about 4 thousand. i am going have to look very hard :/
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